Just frustrated. A Vent.

twopeasinapod

I work full time at a hotel, it is slow season. Times are hard. I worked out my budget and how to come out of the wedding debt free. I know exactly how much I have to save from every paycheck to make this happen (FI is paying most bills so that I can be the saver, he is helping a LOT)

Now like every good rant there is a BUT.

But, the budget included 1000 from my FMIL that she told my FI could use for whatever HE needed not being specific to the wedding, SO... WE decided to use it for the rehersal dinner.

On a recent shopping trip with FMIL she asked about the rehersal dinner and so I told her our plan. She kind of looked said and said, Oh thats not really what that money was meant for. Welllll, I wanst invited to the lunch where she explained it to FI I went by what he said and now we are out money for a rehersal dinner, therefore not coming out debt free.

Not a lost cause yet because FMIL told me that she wants to get together with her ex husband my FI's father and try and throw us a RD. This is where my frustration lies. FFIL has shown no interest in our wedding, not asked to help at all, nor does he have to but knowing that both of my FIL's are extreme procrastinators I have NO way of planning. FFIL is having major family problems with his new wife, surgery's heart attacks and a loss in the family. I understand why our wedding is NOT a priority. I guess i'm just wishing that we could go back to plan A and use the money from FMIL for the RD and not put a stress on either FIL to plan a RD thats in a town where neither of them have ever been.

Wedding is in 76 days, less than three months and is becoming more stressful. I do understand that most weddings do result in some form of debt BUT (YES ANOTHER BUT)  my car died two days ago. The cost to fix it is more that the car is worth and transportation is a necessity especially for work and wedding planning 2 hours from wedding destination. I have to drive back and forth.

I would like to just go ahead and plan a RD so that i'm covered but I HATE stepping on peoples toes and would HATE to hurt my FMIL's feelings. I love her and she is very kind to me. I can just see her not doing anything till the week of.

Knowing that us now having to buy a new car when we are having to live on minimal (even tho our wedding is not at all fancy) and student loans accruing and family illnesses not mentioned in this rant I'm just a little stressed and needed to get it out.

I apologize if my thoughts are jumbled or if this didnt make any sense and for all spelling errors. Thanks for listening.

garcias1

I'm sorry about your situation.  We just had to buy a new car too, because otherwise, I was going to have to put a third transmission in my car.  So I know how much that sucks.

Can you ask your FI to talk to his mom?  I know you aren't supposed to ask people to give you money, and when they do, they have a say in what you do with it.  But I don't understand why your FMIL will take the $1000 away because you aren't using it for what she wants.  Have FI ask her how she intended you to spend the $1000.  Maybe you could use it on a downpayment on a new car.  It seems like you are going to end up going into debt with the car, so you probably can't avoid it at this point.  GL in whatever you decide.  I hope it works out for the best.

twopeasinapod

Thank you! That is exactly what I was thinking, It would make for a great down payment IF we knew RD was covered. Not knowing is so frustrated and FI is really awkward when it comes to talking about those things. I'm probable going to suck it up and ask his mom but I will mention it to him first and see if he goes for it.

I really appreciate the support. NONE of my bridal party lives close to me so i'm going a little nuts not being able to vent things. Thank you!

twopeasinapod

and your dog is adorable!! what kind?

JennaV26

I know it sucks that your FMIL doesn't want you to spend the $1,000 on a RD but it's her money so there's really not much you can do about it. Can you readjust your budget so that you will be able to pay for your own RD so that you don't have to wait patiently for FMIL and FFIL to decide if they are going to throw you one? There are many women on here who have had casual RDs with food like pizza and burgers who have had a fantastic time!

But just to let you know, most weddings do NOT result in some form of debt. Pay for what you can afford, especially if you already have student loans accruing. IMO there's no point in adding to that debt for something that is not absolutely necessary.

sister2groom

Would she be happier if her money went to some other part of the wedding? If so, can't you shift money around and have her 1k go to, for example, the bar, and your 1k go to the RD?

garcias1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_just-frustrated-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:7814d389-90d4-4357-bd1a-f854b066aee6Post:ff5ea47d-a79a-4634-b5b9-ccfc34b67023">Re: Just frustrated. A Vent.</a>:
[QUOTE]and your dog is adorable!! what kind?
Posted by twopeasinapod[/QUOTE]

Thanks!  She is a lab/pit bull mix.  That's from a couple of months ago, when she was only about 5 months old.

betrothed123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_just-frustrated-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:7814d389-90d4-4357-bd1a-f854b066aee6Post:88fa7898-27c2-4b0a-90c3-66c923638803">Re: Just frustrated. A Vent.</a>:
[QUOTE]Would she be happier if her money went to some other part of the wedding? If so, can't you shift money around and have her 1k go to, for example, the bar, and your 1k go to the RD?
Posted by sister2groom[/QUOTE]
This is exactly what I was thinking.  Why doesn't your FI ask her where she'd like that money to be used, use it there, and then take $1,000 out of your budget for that item and put it toward the RD?

aerinpegadrak

I think your FI should talk to her, explain the situation, and try to figure out a solution that will make everybody happy.  I think the compromise of her contributing to some other aspect of the wedding instead is a good one.  But ultimately, she does get to determine how her money is spent.  It sucks when someone withdraws their contribution because they don't like the way you're doing things, but that's her right.

RD doesn't have to be expensive.  You can take everyone out for pizza or burgers if that's all you can afford.  The important thing is that you feed everyone who comes to the rehearsal, it doesn't matter what sort of food it is.

twopeasinapod

Thank you ladies. FI is very confused, It sounds like the 1K isn't for the wedding but more like emergency money i guess. It would be nice to use it for the car but since its my car and we arent officially married yet It would be wierd for FI to ask for the money for my car. If we are allowed to use it for the wedding I will definetly do some shifting but I'm not sure it is. Also I really wish we could cut back on things but we are already doing kind of bear minimum so our budget is already as small as possible. I am a little more relaxed about it today, FI assured me that it will all work out even though it seems impossible I have faith that it will.

@Garcias1 lab/pit mixes are adorable, if that pic is a few months old I bet she's huge now! My co-worker has the same mix and she grew soo fast but is the sweetest thing!