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XP: FMIL is going to make my head explode into pretty colors (RANT to the 10th power)

XP from the Moms and Maids board because it's dead and I need some sane advice.  Also, REALLY long but I don't know how to CN except My FMIL is CRAZY and is making me think I'm crazy for wanting to marry into her family.

Okay, this is all NWR but honestly my head is about to explode and if I launch this on poor FI, it's not going to have good consequences.

Let me start by mentioning that FI is currently in the hospital with a near collapsed lung, which either better collapse or stabalize by the end of the weekend or we have to move hospitals to meet with a specialist.  It's the fourth time this has happened to him, and the 5th partial collapse in as many months, so I'm probably not thinking clearly.

BUT FMIL is driving me bonkers!  She is currently "exploring her life options" - she's decided she's gay after 25 years of marriage and is having numerous, blatent affairs.  She finally found someone she "loves" and wants to move in with this person - but DOESN'T want to divorce FFIL.

She can't take care of her children, and is constantly guiltripping J for not "taking her side" of things.  She called me today to see if you could stay with us - she recently announced she is moving out and she is "tired of having to see FFIL every day" (she can't move in with her girlfriend until next month, when the girlfriend starts a new lease).  They live in the same house and she won't SPEAK TO FFIL, not even to tell him updates on J.

I am going to explode if she keeps this up.  She called J, in the hospital, to ask him for his opinion on NEW CURTAINS FOR HER BEDROOM WITH HER GIRLFRIEND.  He's barely able to breathe on his own and when I took the phone to remind her of this, she said, and I quote, "well, tell him to call me back when he can breathe" and HUNG UP.

Oh my god.  How can I live with this for the rest of my life?!?!?!  How would you deal?  Because strangling her is not an option.


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Re: XP: FMIL is going to make my head explode into pretty colors (RANT to the 10th power)

  • Who says strangling her is not an option!?

    But really, people are crazy and there isn't much you can do about it. You just have to take deep breaths and remember that you are marrying your FI, not her. Technically you don't have to deal with any of her craziness, but you do because you love him. It sounds like you are doing as good of a job dealing with her as you can. I don't think there is anything you can do to change her. It sucks and that is probably not the best advice. But I have nothing else to offer lol.

    My FI's family is pretty crazy too. In a different way, of course, but still pretty crazy. But at the end of the day, I want to be with him. It's hard to deal with the crazies, but you just have to learn to not let it get to you. Which is hard. But you need to control how you let her affect you. Instead of getting frustrated and angry about her, just take a deep breath and ignore her. Again, this isn't the most helpful advice, but that's what I do and it works for me.

    Good luck!
  • It feels good to vent and I hope that getting it out helps unload the burden from your shoulders.  If I were in your shoes I would steer clear of her as much as you can.  Like PP said focus on you FI and getting him out of the hospital so that you can get on with your wedding.  Luckily, she is the MOG and she doesn't have a "large" part of the wedding.  Oh one more thing..IMHO...I would make it clear that her new GF is NOT invited out of respect of you FI FFIL and their family.    This lady does sound like a nut-job....gather your strength and don't give this more acknowledgement than a grain of salt.  As for your FI I hope he feels better.  Are there any siblings/other close family of FI's that can talk to her and try to keep her away from him if she isn't there to help him get better
  • I vote for strangling.  Are you SurE it's not an option?
  • I think you need to realize that you are going to have to deal with her for a long time to come.  From what you describe she is going through a very selfish period of her life, which could be good in that she will stay out of your business.  Maybe she really is just finding herself and needs this time to be selfish and figure out what she really wants.  She is an individual with her own life, feelings, drama and baggage, not just FI's mom.  Did she get married young?  I mean coming out of the closet and finding the love of your life are pretty life changing experiences.  I don't know what to make of not wanting to divorce FFIL.  Maybe she just needs time.  I would try to be patient with her. 
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  • I also opt for strangling her, probably with one of the curtains she can't decide on.
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  • just keep taking deep deep breaths and tell yourself you are marrying J and not her.  Yes she is his mother, but you get to see him everyday not her.  i really hope he gets better though, good luck
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