Missing Maid of Honor

JackieMStark

I've been talking to my maid of honor about ideas for my wedding. My fiancé and I just chose to have it on June 22, 2013. We chose that date so that we could celebrate father day with both of our dads at the same time (we haven't been able to see either for Father's Day for years). My maid of honor just told me that she has already committed to another wedding that same day in a different state. We don't wanna change our wedding date, but I really want her there. I always have a backup plan and I have someone else to ask who is just as close as her. Would it be wrong to ask someone else to be my maid of honor?

courtski2004

Don't replace her, there isn't a rule saying that you must have a maid of honor. Just keep your remaining girls as bridesmaids. Nobody will bat an eye.

Maggie0829

Yes.  How would you feel if the roles were switched?  

Bride: Oh Jackie I want you as my MOH!  You are my closest friend!!

You: I really want to be your MOH but I have already committed to another wedding on that date so I can't make it to yours I am so sorry but I still love you so much

Bride:  Oh that is ok Jackie, I had a back-up in place just in case and you can easily be replaced.

Not so nice huh?  Replacing her will be a slap in her face.  It will basically say that her friendship is easily replaceable.

StephBeanWed61502

Either it's more important to you to have your MOH at your wedding, or it's more important to keep your date. Pick one and proceed accordingly. And don't replace your MOH if you choose to proceed without her. It's rude to replace an attendant because you're basically telling the person you're replacing that she's replaceable (not a nice thing to do to a close friend) and you're telling the replacement "hey, you're not my real MOH, but will you stand in for her because keeping my wedding party symmetrical is way more important to me than honoring my friendships."

courtski2004

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_missing-maid-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:7d1f20aa-507d-4999-b4e8-901b98e69a73Post:e5523ccf-2317-48b9-97b9-b63cf12d08fe">Re: Missing Maid of Honor</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Missing Maid of Honor : Yes it would.  Why would you even want to do that?  You don't have to have a MOH.  If her presence was so important to you you would have cleared the date with her beforehand. You're going to find she's not the only one that won't attend because of the date.  Many people have long-standing Father's Day plans and won't break them for your wedding.<strong> You also won't be spending very much time at all with your fathers on your wedding day.  You'll be too busy.  You're reasoning for choosing the date doesn't make much sense TBH.
</strong>Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

I think she means that she planned it for Father's Day weekend with the wedding on Saturday and FD on Sunday.

OP, I will say that when J and I got married last June, it was also Father's Day weekend. We fully intended on spending a nice day with my dad (who lives OOT), but between seeing our OOT guests off at the hotel that morning, packing up all of our things and taking them back home, we really only had time (and energy) to go to lunch and hang out for a little bit at my house. It was nice to see him and spend the day together, but it was far from a relaxing time since there was a lot that we had to get situated. I'm not saying that it is a bad plan, but something to chew on.

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_missing-maid-of-honor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:7d1f20aa-507d-4999-b4e8-901b98e69a73Post:e5523ccf-2317-48b9-97b9-b63cf12d08fe">Re: Missing Maid of Honor</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Missing Maid of Honor : Yes it would.  Why would you even want to do that?  You don't have to have a MOH.  If her presence was so important to you you would have cleared the date with her beforehand. You're going to find she's not the only one that won't attend because of the date.  Many people have long-standing Father's Day plans and won't break them for your wedding. You also won't be spending very much time at all with your fathers on your wedding day.  You'll be too busy.  You're reasoning for choosing the date doesn't make much sense TBH.
Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

<div>This. A person designated "the chosen one" (MOH) is not necessary. They all do the same thing. I'm always kind of against weddings attached to holiday weekends in the first place. Even though I personally seldom have family plans b/c my family is scattered all over, I know a lot of people do have plans and I don't like the idea of them having to choose. And Linger is right. You will not have time to spend with anyone for any length of time that day. </div>

mcda04

Respect your MOH’s decision to not attend your wedding. DON’T  replace her

Or change your date and have her as your MOH.

Maggie0829

Can I ask why you feel the need to replace her?

Also, as for the replacement MOH, her feelings will most likely be hurt as well because it will come off as "well you weren't good enough to be my first choice MOH but seeing as how X can't make it now you are good enough."

ljsquintz

Just FYI, Father's Day is June 16, 2013 NOT June 23, 2013

JackieMStark

I have talked to her and told her that we will change the date so that she could be there for the wedding, but she insists that I don't change the date and that I choose someone else to be my maid of honor. She was the first person that I told the date to and she said that even if she didn't have something to do on the new date, then she wouldn't have the money to go. I felt really bad that she can't be there, but she promised to come visit within the next couple of months to see my ideas and spend some time together before we tie the knot. Yes, I always have a backup plan, but she told me that I should just in case she couldn't be there. She said that she wants me to have a maid of honor and not to feel bad for choosing someone else if I wanted to. I have a big wedding party even without her

JackieMStark

We are very close to our dads and intend to spend the whole next day with them after the wedding before we go on our honeymoon since they both have to travel. My intentions are not to make her feel like she's easily replaceable. She said she wants me to do it. I'll still feel bad, but she said that she'd rather me have a maid of honor. She knows the person that I've been thinking about and she said that she approves of me asking one of the people that I chose to be a bridesmaid to be my maid of honor. I was sure to let her know that I wouldn't do it without her blessing

JackieMStark

I know when Father's Day is. We are gonna celebrate it the weekend after because everybody who is attending the wedding will be traveling and we wanted them to have Father's Day to spend at home relaxing. We took in to consideration that not every father attending will want to be somewhere other than sitting in their favorite chair at home.

JackieMStark

You're all funny. You obviously don't read well.