Chit Chat

This is a HUGE vent!

So, my mom (who is paying for the wedding) and I found a church that is big enough to have our ceremony and reception. The church is a great size, but the reception hall was smaller than we had hoped. Nonetheless, we decided to go with it. The church had a rule about renting facilities out to non-members prior to six months before the event. Because of that, we had to wait until February to book it.
So, as soon as we were able to book, me, my mom, and the planner (that she hired without talking to me about it and without me even talking to the planner) met at the church and walked through the space. Everything was great but we were a little nervous about the reception space. The lady at the church told us that it held 200 but that it would be tight. We went ahead and booked and paid the $100 deposit.
Yesterday, the planner emailed me and said that she had called the church to confirm the numbers. But instead of the 200 like they had told us at the beginning, they told us that it would only hold 150 very tightly. I immediately flipped out and called the church today to explain to them what had happened and so I could see exactly how many people it would hold. And of course, she said 150. And I very nicely explained to her how we had been told one thing when we booked and now we were being told something else. I also explained that there was no way we could even try and work within that number because there are 240 people on the guest list and we know we can get it to at least 204. But there is no way that we will get out guest list anywhere close to 150. The lady told me that the only way we might be able to make it work is to line long rectangle tables up in rows and leave no space in between for people to walk. So basically, my wedding reception would look like a cafeteria!!
With this in mind, I emailed the planner and tried to tell her in a nice way and also get her attention so she would understand. The reception hall at the church just is not big enough. At this point, I think our best bet is to move the reception to our church gym which is like 20 minutes away. We have the tables and the space. The only thing we would need is some kind of wall draping to hang up around the walls because they are so beat up from basketballs. When I told her this, she basically just wrote it off and said that this just wasn't a feesible option. And that if we go with the seating arrangement she is proposing, then she things we can accommodate our numbers! But her seating proposal is to have the cafeteria type rows. It isn't just me feeling this way. She agrees that this is what the tables look like and just tries to tell me that I need to let her do her job because she says that I will be pleased. Even a BM who went with us to look at the church and set the tables up so I could see what they would look like said that the tables were ridiculous!

Needless to say, I am beyond upset. My wedding is August 6 and since the beginning of all this wedding planning (January 2011) I haven' been able to enjoy anything. I'm constantly fighting over what I want (and even giving things up that I really wanted) and the only thing I have to show for it is my dress. It's the absolute only thing I have picked out myself!

Re: This is a HUGE vent!

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_this-huge-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:8236b4dc-46a6-4391-89aa-48f7f16a729ePost:d01fcbe9-cf36-4301-9adc-4f79955e43c4">Re: This is a HUGE vent!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to This is a HUGE vent! : Even when they told you it could hold 200, you knew you had 240 on the guest list and could only get that down to 204.  The space has been a problem from the beginning. I'm really sorry you are upset, but it sounds like you need a new venue. 
    Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

    This. Good luck finding one big enough. :)
  • And this is why we tell brides and grooms EVERY SINGLE TIME to plan for a space that will hold 100% of the guest list and to budget as if 100% will attend.  So that they don't end up in the situation that you have.  I hope others can learn from your misfortune.

    I'm sorry that you're dealing with this, and good luck to you.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • We searched and searched for a venue and when we found it, it was the only one close enough to what we needed. Most church wouldn't rent to us because we aren't members. And all of the special occasion places are too small or won't aloow outside catering. This is literlly the only place we could find. I'm in Huntsville, AL and there aren't decent wedding venues around that are big enough.
    We knew that we wouldn't have a ton of room to do stuff with at the beginning, but by what the planner said, it would be fine and I could still have what I want. But since then, that isn't happening. I have told her multiple times before space became this big of an issue that I was 100% against the cafeteria style tables, but she didn't listen. She just kept on with that idea. I don't understand what the heck I have to do to get her to listen to me and not my mom!

  • Trix, I totally agree that you have to find a place that will hold 100% of the guest list, but at the time, I didn't know that mom wanted to invite every single family member. It took an argument to get my side down to around 100. Originally, it was 300+!
  • If you absolutely can not have another venue, then you'll need to cut the Guest List. ALWAYS plan for 100% attendance.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_this-huge-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:8236b4dc-46a6-4391-89aa-48f7f16a729ePost:67d7dd2f-643c-4deb-a6a2-221220d2c199">Re: This is a HUGE vent!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Trix, I totally agree that you have to find a place that will hold 100% of the guest list, but at the time, I didn't know that mom wanted to invite every single family member. <strong>It took an argument to get my side down to around 100</strong>. Originally, it was 300+!
    Posted by lexa10[/QUOTE]

    I thought you said it was 240 originally, but you managed to get it down to 204?
  • The total number of guests invited is 240. Fiance's mom sent out a bulk email to the ENTIRE family and told them the date and time of the wedding (Which I was not happy about but I didn't know she did it until almost 2 months later). And from that email only 8 replied back and said they couldn't make it. FWIW, I fiance still only invited who he wanted too. We didn't base his side of the guest list off that email!
    (I don't know who she sent the email too, but I was very clear in telling fiance that what she did was wrong and that if I hear that anyone has hurt feelings because they weren't invited to the wedding after they got the email, I will be sending them her way!!)
    Then with my side of the guest list, we have lots of family in Mississippi who we know will not be coming.
    So we calculated the number of people we know won't be there and that's how we got the 204. And of course, I know that everyone who we think will be there won't, but there is no way we can count on 50 more people not showing up!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_this-huge-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:8236b4dc-46a6-4391-89aa-48f7f16a729ePost:00d020bd-b037-40ef-b09d-5d92b6624147">Re: This is a HUGE vent!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: This is a HUGE vent! : And this is why people tell new brides to work out their guest list before booking their venue.
    Posted by LingerLonger1[/QUOTE]

    Exactly. I just never understand why people BOOK a venue without having a guestlist worked out.  It's just common sense.

    OP, you need to either get a new venue or cut the guest list. Period.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_this-huge-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:8236b4dc-46a6-4391-89aa-48f7f16a729ePost:01b6d793-fecc-47f9-8730-c85837128170">Re: This is a HUGE vent!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Long tables aren't the end of the world.  I understand your concern with space, and it's valid, but honestly acting like your wedding is going to look just like a high school cafeteria because it doesn't have round tables is a bit of a stretch.  Any shape table can be dressed up with linens and centerpieces. 
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    This is exactly what I was thinking as I read this.


    <a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/3/3/73f6fe50-e0b4-4b71-b3c8-0cd2ae576f5b.large.jpg" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '73f6fe50-e0b4-4b71-b3c8-0cd2ae576f5b', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));" class="PhotoLink"><img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/3/3/73f6fe50-e0b4-4b71-b3c8-0cd2ae576f5b.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a>


    <a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/3/14/93d3caa1-625f-4a18-8ec9-0f2c7e28341f.large.jpg" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '93d3caa1-625f-4a18-8ec9-0f2c7e28341f', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));" class="PhotoLink"><img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/3/14/93d3caa1-625f-4a18-8ec9-0f2c7e28341f.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a>



    <a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/10/12/0a6aab5b-e022-4ce2-8ca7-4abfebb452d9.large.jpg" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', '0a6aab5b-e022-4ce2-8ca7-4abfebb452d9', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));" class="PhotoLink"><img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/10/12/0a6aab5b-e022-4ce2-8ca7-4abfebb452d9.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a>
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  • Long tables are actually very popular right now, in the wedding/party planning world.


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  • I wish I was having the long tables...wanted them so bad but FI had a groomzilla fit and so whatever...round it is.  :S
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_this-huge-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:8236b4dc-46a6-4391-89aa-48f7f16a729ePost:75b35b2c-f736-4e1e-a545-83e4a4b3c6b2">Re: This is a HUGE vent!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: This is a HUGE vent! : This is exactly what I was thinking as I read this.
    Posted by Celles[/QUOTE]


    Ugh, that's so ugly.  Are you going to serve mystery meat and broccoli and cheese, too?  ::turns nose up in the air::
    image

  • Everyone else has discussed the guest numbers so I'll go on to the planner.

    I can't get past the idea that this planner is blowing you off and you are still using her!  She is working for YOU!  It doesn't matter what she thinks is the best idea - her job is to offer advice and then go with the decisions you make.

    We used a planner with last DD's wedding and she would have never treated us like that.  Why are you using a woman who isn't listening to your concerns?  I would have the same concerns about the long tables.

    Why are you paying her again?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_this-huge-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:8236b4dc-46a6-4391-89aa-48f7f16a729ePost:2e364fb4-2d4f-44d7-a79a-19dd6c0a2fbf">Re: This is a HUGE vent!</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you absolutely can not have another venue, then you'll need to cut the Guest List. ALWAYS plan for 100% attendance.
    Posted by cupcakesfrosting[/QUOTE]


    Ditto
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