Not sure where to post this so I'll start here...

sunnyRN

So my FI and I were going to do the whole traditional wedding thing, but that's now changed.....we're going to get married in Hawaii.  This question is really sticking out in my mind and I'd appreciate some input from my fellow Knotties:

Should we do a huge coed shower before the wedding or a huge BBQ/party when we get back?  I don't really want to plan 2 large parties, but I know that a lot of our friends (including those who were going to be in our wedding party) won't be able to afford to come to Hawaii, so I figure one large party would be okay......thoughts?  Any suggestions or alternatives would be appreciated too.....thanks!!!!

HobokensFury

Ditto Milkduds. First off you shouldn't throw your own shower. Second anyone invited to a shower or pre wedding party must be invited to the wedding.  Have a wedding celebration afterwards.

levanlaere

I would do the BBQ when you come back. I would keep it casual and simple to celebrate.

sonya+adam

Ditto PPs.

A. You can't throw yourselves a shower.

B. If you're having a destination wedding and someone decides to throw you a shower, only those that you have invited to your wedding can be invited to your shower. It would be rude of you to invite people to your shower to bring you gifts and not even invite them to your wedding.

C. The BBQ idea is nice! That sounds like a great way to celebrate your marriage with your family and friends.

cwaggoner07

And make your BBQ less about the 'wedding' and more about just a casual get-together.
But I do think it's a great idea, and there will be lots of people who will want to see you following the wedding, invite or not.

ChristineNB

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_not-sure-where-to-post-this-so-ill-start-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:86242695-0d3e-4dd0-bd35-394183883687Post:e73a073a-11d8-4639-a502-90a1d4f6e9aa">Re: Not sure where to post this so I'll start here...</a>:
[QUOTE]You could do a luau style BBQ with tiki torches, leis, pineapple drinks, and so on.
Posted by burntofferings[/QUOTE]
I love the idea of doing the bbq hawaian themed.  OP, lots of great advice in this thread.  I would keep it casual and low cost

librababy

Love the idea of a barbeque after you get back.

sunnyRN

Thanks for the advice everyone!!  I guess I should have specified that this was going to be more of an elopement type thing as opposed to a full fledged wedding with all the bells and whistles.  It is just going to be myself, my FI and his parents in Kauai.  I'm going to go with a huge luau when we get back....

[Deleted User]

I don't see why you can't do all the "wedding" stuff when you get back.  I would wear my dress, cut a cake, ect.  They want to celebrate with you!

katdunn85

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_not-sure-where-to-post-this-so-ill-start-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:86242695-0d3e-4dd0-bd35-394183883687Post:4d1b1b20-7b76-4693-8928-7154b640c68f">Re: Not sure where to post this so I'll start here...</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't see why you can't do all the "wedding" stuff when you get back.  I would wear my dress, cut a cake, ect.  They want to celebrate with you!
Posted by punkyalicia[/QUOTE]



We are doing a small beach wedding on a Friday night with only family (limited space) and then a big cheese/meat/wine party the next night for our friends and family at the clubhouse where we live (was originally going to be in our home but 60! people rsvp'd). We are having a wedding cake because I love them but it's very understated and simple and fi and I don't like to be in the spotlight so no dances, etc. To your point, though, I will be wearing my dress for the first hour or so to show it off to the people who weren't at the ceremony and them I'm changing into a little sundress and I don't sew anything wrong with it! I spent more on the dress than the whole party and I want it to be seen!! We did not register but have gotten a few little gifts from out of town family who could not attend, but for us this is just a small gathering of family and close friends to celebrate with us.