A little advice please...?

moni916

Hi ladies, I could definitely use a little advice. I found out recently that my MOH hasn't been as reliable as I would hope. Shortly after my engagement, I asked a good friend of my mine to be my MOH and gave her a list of traditional duties for a MOH. Well I found out that she has not taken the initiative for planning the bridal shower or the bachlorette party. Instead of reaching out to my bridesmaids, they are reaching out to her. My bridesmaid have been helping me with the invitations, favors, dress fitting and so on. Anytime I ask my MOH, she's just not available and doesn't try to be involve. My wedding is about 10 weeks away and the clock is ticking to get things done. I don't feel comfortable taking the title away from her, but I don't think she deserves the title when one of my bridesmaids have stepped up in a huge way to help me with the wedding details. I also don't want to build up tension with the MOH on the day of the wedding. What should I do? What would you guys do if you were in my shoes?

crash2729

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_a-little-advice-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:891d2bbe-879b-4e9e-a0a5-ac0037830d3bPost:84923e58-3729-44a5-8efe-a70dda2e2c1a">A little advice please...?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi ladies, I could definitely use a little advice. I found out recently that my MOH hasn't been as reliable as I would hope. Shortly after my engagement, I asked a good friend of my mine to be my MOH and gave her a list of traditional duties for a MOH. Well I found out that she has not taken the initiative for planning the bridal shower or the bachlorette party. Instead of reaching out to my bridesmaids, they are reaching out to her. My bridesmaid have been helping me with the invitations, favors, dress fitting and so on. Anytime I ask my MOH, she's just not available and doesn't try to be involve. My wedding is about 10 weeks away and the clock is ticking to get things done. I don't feel comfortable taking the title away from her, but I don't think she deserves the title when one of my bridesmaids have stepped up in a huge way to help me with the wedding details. I also don't want to build up tension with the MOH on the day of the wedding. What should I do? What would you guys do if you were in my shoes?
Posted by moni916[/QUOTE]<div>I wouldn't do anything. </div><div>I would probably be a little disappointed but your MOH doesn't HAVE to help or plan parties for you. </div><div>Do you ever talk to your MOH about non-wedding related things?

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Avion22

MilkDuds hit the nail on the head with this one.  The only "traditional duties" of an MOH are to show up (preferably sober) on wedding day in a dress of the bride's choosing, hold rings, hold the bride's bouquet for parts of the ceremony, perhaps sign the marriage license depending on state requirements, and smile for pictures.   

Notice that none of the things you are angy about are on that list.   

Is she less special to you just because she's to busy to assemble your wedding favors?  And are you willing to demote her and risk ending your friendship over THAT?  

I would recommend maybe scheduling a coffee date with her where you focus your discussion on how SHE is doing and what's going on in HER life, and don't talk about the wedding at all.    If you've acted like a brat towards her, then this would be a good opportunity to appologize.

Hope this helps.

StephBeanWed61502

I stopped reading after "gave her a list of the traditional duties."  Unless that list was "1. Buy the dress.  2. Show up at the wedding in the dress," you were out of line and you're expecting too much of her.

moni916

YOU ARE ALL RIGHT! I asked her to be the MOH because she's a great friend. I was perfectly fine handling the wedding details. We talk all the time about what's going on in our everyday lives. (nonwedding related)  
People, (not specifying who) kept feeding me ideas about how things are "supposed" to be. I let them in my head and started to doubt things. The reality is, I am not going to ruin my friendship over nothing. I will continue doing what I've been doing and not stress the nothing-ness.

Thanks for the feedback. You have told me exactly what I needed to hear. (or in this case, read)

redheadfsu

I second the kudos! I'm so glad you took a step back and thought about the advice you got instead of getting defensive.

Kristin789

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=FTFY

sonya+adam

I agree, I third the kudos. So glad to hear that you're realizing that you're overexpecting the MOH title. And defff glad you didn't get defensive like a lot of other people do.


Also, I, too, would like to know that FTFY means. My best guess so far is "for the future you" but I'm probably super wrong.

sonya+adam

Bahaha, just saw Kristin's link. Yep, definitely wrong.