This has been really bothering me...

Che_Dominique

Hi Everyone!

I'm new to this board and I had no one to turn to.  Right now, my fiance and I are in a long distant relationship.  He is in VA and I moved to GA 2 years ago because I got a job offer after college.  We got engaged and we've been planning the wedding despite pay cuts, our growing wedding size and paying for everything on our own.  That's not the issue.  We don't know what to do after we get married.  Are we moving to VA? moving to GA? a new state all together? or continue the long distance thing.  Personally, I want to go back to VA but since I'm in Architecture and the economy is horrible right now for us, I don't want to leave my job.  My fiance can get a job anywhere because of his field.

Our parents had the idea of doing this government job where they can place you anywhere and he would just commute to see me every weekend.  The pay would be great but you would be stuck for 3 years.  I DON'T LIKE THAT IDEA AT ALL!  Since the beginning of our relationship, I've been in school.  So I really didn't have time to go on dates and everything like we wanted to.  And when we did, we always did stuff for our family...like babysit a cousin, go grocery shopping, etc.  When I finally graduated, I moved so we see each other every couple of months.  (I'm so glad we have a webcam though).

Basically what I'm trying to say is that, for almost 7 yrs, we've had this long distance thing...10-30mins that turned into 10hrs!  I don't want to start our marriage like that...it leaves room for us to get comfortable being apart for years.  And I'm really sad that both of our parents agreed.  We are going to try to apply for jobs in VA and GA to see who gets the best offer but I'm just mad our parents don't see it our way.  I can understand if we were in the Military but this is not the case.  Oh and everyone wants us to elope because they think we might be paying a lot for the wedding (even though we are not complaining).  Everyone in both of our families always elope! Sorry for the rant!!!

jenn.daniel

Being long-distance stinks.  I think you're doing the right thing by both looking for jobs in the other's city.  If you both really want VA though, I'd really try for that.  You could also look in NC or MD.

Is there anyone at your current job who has connections in VA?  Or one of your college profs? 

CA2MT4EveR

Don't worry about other people, worry about yourselves.  I say apply for jobs and go from there.  There is nothing that says you HAVE to take a job if you interview and are offered it.  I agree that you need to be together, enough of this distance business

Che_Dominique

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_this-really-bothering?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9894d233-e8da-40af-91a6-911b4bd79e1dPost:fcfafcb8-c1a5-4670-8c34-57899534a48f">Re: This has been really bothering me...</a>:
[QUOTE]Being long-distance stinks.  I think you're doing the right thing by both looking for jobs in the other's city.  If you both really want VA though, I'd really try for that.  You could also look in NC or MD. Is there anyone at your current job who has connections in VA?  Or one of your college profs? 
Posted by jenn.daniel[/QUOTE]

I was thinking about NC also because our hometown isn't too far.  Probably like an 1hr - 1hr 30mins.  I didn't think about asking my college profs.  I might do that.  Thanks <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />

jmkes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_this-really-bothering?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:9894d233-e8da-40af-91a6-911b4bd79e1dPost:7379413d-0a3c-47bb-9c14-6f562756fa33">This has been really bothering me...</a>:
[QUOTE].  ...And I'm really sad that both of our parents agreed.  <strong>We are going to try to apply for jobs in VA and GA to see who gets the best offer but I'm just mad our parents don't see it our way.</strong>  I can understand if we were in the Military but this is not the case.  Oh and <strong>everyone wants us to elope</strong> because they think we might be paying a lot for the wedding (even though we are not complaining).  Everyone in both of our families always elope! Sorry for the rant!!!
Posted by Che_Dominique[/QUOTE]

Time to stop living for what everyone else wants you to do and start doing for what is best for you and your FI.  Your parents don't dictate your life.  They aren't going to have any say in your major life decisions once you are married, are they?  Tell your parents you have heard their input and have considered it, but in the end you and FI will do what you TWO think is best for your marriage.

FI and I live on opposite ends of the state.  After praying about it and really thinking it through we decided that our best future would be in Fort Worth  (where he lives.)  My family came up with all kinds of reasons why I shouldn't move, etc.  In the end I had to tell them we made a mature and rational decision and we are going to do what we think is best for us.   They haven't bugged me about it since then. 

JenO24

I agree w/ looking not only in VA but in NC too if you're so close to the boarder.  We live about an hour and a half from the NC boarder too and FI is constantly looking to see what jobs are available there...there always seems to be alot w/ the beaches right there.