NWR - single "friends"

CrazyMary77

Maybe it's just me... but has anyone lost touch with single friends since becoming engaged? There's a couple of girls who are single who I used to talk to regularly. Now that I'm engaged, they don't communicate with me, they don't respond to my messages on Facebook, the don't call me to hang out like they used to. I guess they're not true friends, but it's just funny how this has happened. Maybe they just don't want to hear about my wedding plans and how happy I am. Well that sucks... like I said, not real friends *shrug*

gottahavashorti

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nwr-single-friends?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:9d780302-6bf7-4c9d-8f4c-dec92c6726d1Post:dc11cb31-31b7-41b2-b284-f1d30e97f466">NWR - single "friends"</a>:
[QUOTE]Maybe it's just me... but has anyone lost touch with single friends since becoming engaged? There's a couple of girls who are single who I used to talk to regularly. Now that I'm engaged, they don't communicate with me, they don't respond to my messages on Facebook, the don't call me to hang out like they used to. I guess they're not true friends, but it's just funny how this has happened. Maybe they just don't want to hear about my wedding plans and how happy I am. Well that sucks... like I said, not real friends *shrug*
Posted by CrazyMary77[/QUOTE]
You might be talking about the wedding more than you realize, and not everyone is interested in weddings.  Try cutting out wedding talk and see if things change.

trix1223

Friendships are a two way street.

 Perhaps if we were to ask your friends, they might be saying "Gee, since she got engaged, all she ever does is talk about her wedding.  She never calls anymore, and I feel like she's rubbing in our face that she's engaged and we're not."

It may not be the image that you THINK you're projecting, but it's a possibility.

mysticl

I was the last single one left when I got engaged so.......... 

Maybe they feel like you wouldn't be interested in their single girl activities. 

tldh

I'm the last of my friends to get married.  I can tell you from experience though that I dropped off the radar of a couple of friends until after their weddings because I would have told them off for talking non stop about their weddings.  Neither of them realized they were doing it at the time.  Now that I'm engaged, I understand how you can do this and not realize it and I'm going to guess that you are talking about your wedding much more than you think.  I would have given anything to be able to hang out with my friends for a couple of hours and not have a single mention of their upcoming weddings.

Just because they don't want to hear about it every time they talk to you does not mean they are not true friends.  Like me, they may be saving the friendship by avoiding you.

christinelyn0131

While I agree that your talk might be all wedding, I also agree that some single friends have just...disappeared. I made a point to not talk about the wedding, but they said I "spent too much time with FI". I didn't quite understand, so I tried spending more time with them, but they rejected me.

...whatever. Some people just aren't real friends. Sorry

Tara0685

In my case I never wanted to get married so it never bothered me when a friend talked nonstop about her upcoming wedding.  My outlook was better you than me and I didn't feel at all like anyone was rubbing my nose in their happiness.  Although I can see how that woulld get extreamy annoying for some.  My biggest thing was that although I knew she was the same fun girl I aways knew, there were going to be things that she wouldn't be able to do now for propriety's sake and things that I couldn't relate to her about being that I wasn't in a committed relationship.  Now I'm married and I'll let you know now it works the same way in reverse.  I can still go to strip clubs if I really want to but have no desire to anymore so that's out, I can go to night clubs but they're catered more toward singles so I don't really feel comfortable there, I could take my husband with me and have a blast but that defeats the purpose of a girls night out.  The list is endess.  My husband wouldn't mind at all if I wanted to do all these things, it's me, there's just this new sense of responsibility that wasn't there before.  For that reason I feel much more comfortable and have a better time with other couples, they can relate to married life.  When I was getting married some of the first people I called to hang out were my already married friends, I no longer felt interested in the same things as my single friends.  My bet is they still love you to death and want to hang out with you but don't feel like you'd be interested in the same kind of fun, when they're in their own relationships someday ten to one says , you're the first person they call.

Ishaba11

definitely keep your wedding talk to a minimum. I had a friend who talked non stop about her wedding and that made me not want to talk to her anymore. However, I do agree that you need to put forth an effort. Perhaps your friends think your not interested in going out with them or think the "single girl" activities dont apply to you. Let them know you are still there for them and be friends like you were before you got engaged. I have tried very hard to make sure my friendships remain the same. Even if the girls are going out to "pick up guys" I made it a point for them to know I can still come out with them.

Tara0685

Ishaba definitely has a good idea too.  Just because you can't pick up guys for yourself doesn't mean you can't go with them and help them pick up guys and have fun all at the same time.  

trix1223

Tara:  great post with excellent insights. 

jessienjeremy

I feel your pain.  I try really hard to not talk to my single girls about



 my wedding.. except when asked.. since one of them is my MOH.  My other girl friend is more interested in hooking up with guys at bars.. so I pretty much chose not to hang out with her. Its hard when you are on one path and your friends are on another.  I felt that way when all my friends were having babies and I was just barely seeing my now fiance. If they are true freinds eventually you will come back together. Iknow my one friend said she was envious of my relationship and didn't like hanging out with us cause she felt like a 3rd wheel. Just remember to take your other friends feelings into considerations.

BrittKnight

Yes!  Same thing has happened to me. One of my BM's has become far more distant since I've been engaged.  I call her and ask her to hang out, and occasionally she will agree to it, but 99.9% of the time when she does make plans with me, she cancels!  Or she shows up REALLY REALLY late.  One time, I was having a casual get together w/ the bridal party and she lived the closest to the place and yet somehow showed up 1.5 hours late b/c she got 'lost'.  (It was literally two streets to get there from her place.)  And then she blew up at me for having 'attitude' simply b/c I said to her on the phone I didn't know how much longer ppl would be sticking around.  I was totally calm and normal about it to her, she just seems to be overreacting for everything!  There was another time she promised to help make  my invitations, and canceled the hour before for that too.  (I had already moved the date back for her.)  She freaked out on me that day as well, even though I was as calm as could be and said my sister was just going to do it.  (I think that may be her way of 'feeling bad' but projects it as mean yelling.)

Honestly, I haven't changed since being engaged.  I'm not one of these ppl who just talks about their wedding.  I'm very laid back and also respectful of other's opinions, which makes me thinks it's all in my BM's head.  She has been single for a while (which is fine if that's your choice), but recently she started seeing her ex-bf again (who I've never met, but she never spoke highly of).  So I know that's not the best situation to be in.  I don't wanna say she's jealous, but she kinda makes me feel like she doesn't wanna be around me or something....

So I totally know where you're coming from!!  You could act exactly the same as you did pre-engagement, but to some ppl, if you have a ring on your finger, you are in a different category.  Kinda sucks.  I didn't realize this until my other BM pointed it out to me.  Also my other BM said maybe she is afraid of being in the wedding and has never done that before.  You never know with some people.  I have noticed being more drawn towards hanging out w/ married couples now (so weird! lol)...but I still try to hang out w/ my single friends too.  I feel like single people aren't used to thinking about others all the time (like my one BM) so they basically come and go as they please, do what they want, whenever they want.  This in turn can make them flaky.  Not saying all single ppl do this.  I was once single and a great friend too!  I dunno what it is, but I am finding our married friends are more reliable than our single friends!  So weird, but I guess that's how it's gonna be now.

My suggestion is to keep reaching out to your single friends.  If they ditch out on you, that's their problem,not yours.  I have been wanting to confront my flakey BM for a while...maybe you should try doing that too.  Nothing mean, of course.  Just tell them how you feel and that you're the same person and you still want to have a meaningful relationship.  If nothing changes, you did what you could, and you can't do anything about people who don't wanna make your friendship work.

I hope this helps!!