Ugh got to vent.....

MrsL2014

So I know a lot of people have a hard time agreeing with people who are young and engaged, but I am 18, almost 19 and our wedding is in 2yrs.

Anyways, my whole family is camping this week and the campground we are at has a potluck every year for the 4th of July. So my FI and I are in line getting our food and there were some people in front of us having a conversation about one of the guys sons. The convo kinda went like this....

Guy1: who's that girl with your son?

Guy2: his girl friend

Guy1: oh how long have they been together?

Guy2: to long, actually they are engaged.

Guy1: oh congrats!

Guy2: well she is only 18 so it's not congrats to us.



Okay so because I am 18 I got a bit hot about that comment, but didn't say anything. I know that every couple is different and I have no clue how long this couple had been together so if it really is serious or not, but I just hated hearing that comment.

MrsL2014

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ugh-got-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f421631-aad3-47ad-b156-806c722ccebePost:959b9811-496f-4b1d-887f-304366065fac">Re: Ugh got to vent.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Ugh got to vent..... : This comment makes me think he doesn't like her for reasons other then her age.
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]



I agree with that too, And like I said I don't know them so there is probably a lot more than just her age, but I would be really hurt if my FFIL said that about me, good thing I know that he wouldn't.

Gabrielle76

I know how annoying that can be.  Is there anything other than your ages that makes his family less supportive? If it really is the age thing, it might blow over.  I was 20 when FI and I got engaged, and it took over a year before my parents were happy with the decision.  About a month ago my mom called me and told me she is now 'ready' to be excited about the wedding.  

I think it can be a jolt to parents when their kids get engaged sooner than they expected, seeing your child take a life track you didn't anticipate isn't easy.  Maybe they'll warm up eventually. 

MrsL2014

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ugh-got-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f421631-aad3-47ad-b156-806c722ccebePost:8fa7d22a-dc37-41ec-af90-ce21eae12f98">Re: Ugh got to vent.....</a>:
[QUOTE]I know how annoying that can be.  Is there anything other than your ages that makes his family less supportive? If it really is the age thing, it might blow over.  I was 20 when FI and I got engaged, and it took over a year before my parents were happy with the decision.  About a month ago my mom called me and told me she is now 'ready' to be excited about the wedding.   I think it can be a jolt to parents when their kids get engaged sooner than they expected, seeing your child take a life track you didn't anticipate isn't easy.  Maybe they'll warm up eventually. 
Posted by Gabrielle76[/QUOTE]



Well my family is all pretty supportive of us. The only thing my FI parents have a problem with me with (which this is kind of sad) but they think my family is rich and they always have to pontiac it out to me that my family has a better life than they do. Only reason they think this is because after my parents saved for 20 yrs they got the big nice house they had wanted.

Gabrielle76

I just realized I read the OP wrong, I thought the convo you overheard was about your FI and you.

achiduck

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ugh-got-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f421631-aad3-47ad-b156-806c722ccebePost:ba1e174a-7224-4dcb-8781-d73d2c6fd600">Re: Ugh got to vent.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ugh got to vent..... : What does this mean?
Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]
I think she meant point it out. I'm assuming autocorrect. 

runpipparun

Personally, I'm against people marrying young, in general, and I think that's something you have to be prepared for if you choose that route.

Two years ago, my friend (late twenties) married a girl (college freshman) at a courthouse, then 6 months later she decided she wanted a wedding. Klassy. Nobody was very happy about it, but everybody went, smiled, and was supportive. He dropped out of his MS program to support her. She dropped out of school as well. About a year ago, he caught her cheating on him with a coworker, and that drama ended up on Facebook, courtesy of her. They're divorced now.

I realize that everyone is different, but I truly, truly feel like your teens and early twenties are a time for independence, growth, and a certain amount of selfishness so that you can develop into the person you are meant to be, whether that be in your education, your hobbies, or your career. Selfishness and marriage don't go SUPER well together.

Gabrielle76

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ugh-got-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f421631-aad3-47ad-b156-806c722ccebePost:8fae27b1-d314-4ce8-a1b6-25aaddbb3047">Re: Ugh got to vent.....</a>:
[QUOTE]Personally, I'm against people marrying young, in general, and I think that's something you have to be prepared for if you choose that route. Two years ago, my friend (late twenties) married a girl (college freshman) at a courthouse, then 6 months later she decided she wanted a wedding. Klassy. Nobody was very happy about it, but everybody went, smiled, and was supportive. He dropped out of his MS program to support her. She dropped out of school as well. About a year ago, he caught her cheating on him with a coworker, and that drama ended up on Facebook, courtesy of her. They're divorced now. I realize that everyone is different, but I truly, truly feel like your teens and early twenties are a time for independence, growth, and a certain amount of selfishness so that you can develop into the person you are meant to be, whether that be in your education, your hobbies, or your career. Selfishness and marriage don't go SUPER well together.
Posted by runpipparun[/QUOTE]

I'm obviously biased, but being young doesn't have to mean being immature.  Sure, lots of young people are phenomenally unprepared for marriage, because they're still figuring themselves out, but there are also quite a few young people who are firm in who they are, work hard, and understand the commitment.  Maybe I'm wrong, but I hope not.

MrsL2014

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ugh-got-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f421631-aad3-47ad-b156-806c722ccebePost:a0d2ec0a-b82d-47b2-be50-2dc13ce5882b">Re: Ugh got to vent.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ugh got to vent..... : I think she meant point it out. I'm assuming autocorrect. 
Posted by achiduck[/QUOTE]



You are correct. On the iPad.

MrsL2014

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ugh-got-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f421631-aad3-47ad-b156-806c722ccebePost:c6552e61-5e22-49ca-86e5-91a7854afe31">Re: Ugh got to vent.....</a>:
[QUOTE]Gabrielle, I 100% agree that young =/= immature, but I think that people should graduate college before marrying.  I do understand that isn't the case for everyone though.
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]



I will have just graduated from my 2yr school before we get married and then I have another 2yrs at a different school. Btw, wedding is 2yrs from today, super excited!

Gabrielle76

Good that you plan to graduate from the 2 year program first, that's awesome.  I think it helps when people see you persuing your own dreams along with your plans as a couple.

joe&cassie

I am 21 will be 23 when we marry.  I will have been out of school for a year and I think that's really important.  My cousin got married at 19 and hadn't even been together a year at their wedding.  However, if that's the right decision whatever.  I don't judge.  I do think though that you should be able to support yourself before marriage.

kaceymarie

every couple is different so don't worry about it. people seeing getting married young as bad but the truth is it doesn't matter how old you are because in the end if it wasn't meant to be then it just wasn't meant to be. some people marry young and are happy years & years later.

pokepoke27

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ugh-got-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f421631-aad3-47ad-b156-806c722ccebePost:8fae27b1-d314-4ce8-a1b6-25aaddbb3047">Re: Ugh got to vent.....</a>:
[QUOTE]Personally, I'm against people marrying young, in general, and I think that's something you have to be prepared for if you choose that route. Two years ago, my friend (late twenties) married a girl (college freshman) at a courthouse, then 6 months later she decided she wanted a wedding. Klassy. Nobody was very happy about it, but everybody went, smiled, and was supportive. He dropped out of his MS program to support her. She dropped out of school as well. About a year ago, he caught her cheating on him with a coworker, and that drama ended up on Facebook, courtesy of her. They're divorced now. I realize that everyone is different, but I truly, truly feel like your teens and early twenties are a time for independence, growth, and a certain amount of selfishness so that you can develop into the person you are meant to be, whether that be in your education, your hobbies, or your career. Selfishness and marriage don't go SUPER well together.
Posted by runpipparun[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Okay, really? Way to generalize.</div>

cwaggoner07

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ugh-got-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f421631-aad3-47ad-b156-806c722ccebePost:1ba91199-808e-48d1-9d44-03825c6ae1ce">Re:Ugh got to vent.....</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>The first step to getting people to accept that you're mature enough to being married is to not get your back up every time someone makes a general comment about young marriage being a mistake.</strong> I am personally also against getting married before you're at least old enough to drink, and preferably 23 or 24. I say that as someone who both almost did get married young twice and someone who's been with DH since I was 19 yrs old. I felt as equally in love and devoted to all 3 guys at the time I was with them, but it wasn't until after being with DH for several years that I really honestly knew who I was, what I wanted, and because he stuck by me and gave me plenty of space to grow and explore life knew that even if my ideas and goals all changed again tomorrow, DH would still love me and still be the man I wanted. Three years after THAT, we were engaged and it was almost two more years before the wedding. So really, I honestly can't agree with marriage at 19 or so because<strong> there is no good reason FOR it, and a lot of reasons against it. If it's right, it will still be right 2 or 3 years later. Why rush it?</strong>
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I totally agree with everything... esp the bold!!!

Winnertag1

I dont think its fair that people say you have to have graduated college to be ready for marriage.

My FI went to college & dropped out after his second year - and to this day never went back. He makes a very good living, works hard, is very intelligent, is responsible and the list goes on and on. I have graduated school. FI is 25 and has decided that he wants to return to school and finish his degree, I have also decided to go back and finish more schooling but still get married next year. Should FI be considered not ready because he hasnt finished school yet? Should we wait another 4/5 years for FI to finish school so we are seen as more prepared?

Everyone goes through different life experiences that make them more mature & less mature than others, and there shouldnt be a defined age and prerequiste for someone to be ready to be marriage, age doesnt equal maturity - I can speak of a lot of people who are far to old to be living at home with their parents still mooching off of them, no job & no goal who can be in the 'ready to be married age' and much younger people who have been fending for themselves for years, have a good head on their shoulder and know what they want with their futures who are in the 'not ready to be married' age. 

Age doesnt also mean you dont cheat on your spouse, that is a whole load of garbage. 

runpipparun

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ugh-got-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f421631-aad3-47ad-b156-806c722ccebePost:25916fa3-2d8f-4e72-afcf-cefc05fd2ee5">Re: Ugh got to vent.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ugh got to vent..... : Okay, really? Way to generalize.
Posted by pokepoke27[/QUOTE]

<div>When you say you're against a certain thing, you are generalizing. Like... I'm against DUI. Because I don't think it's good. In general.</div><div>
</div><div>I think my friend robbed a young woman of her youth and stuck her with the title of divorcee. Obviously she wanted to get married, but just as obviously she didn't understand the consequences of marriage and wasn't mature enough to settle down. Do I think that's the case for everyone? Maybe not. But again, what is the harm in waiting?</div>

RailWayWife

Oh young love.... Expect the comments to keep coming about you getting married so young.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ugh-got-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f421631-aad3-47ad-b156-806c722ccebePost:ab282ce3-c628-45fd-9305-86f47db813a7">Ugh got to vent.....</a>:
[QUOTE]So I know a lot of people have a hard time agreeing with people who are young and engaged, but I am 18, almost 19 and our wedding is in 2yrs. Anyways, my whole family is camping this week and the campground we are at has a potluck every year for the 4th of July. So my FI and I are in line getting our food and there were some people in front of us having a conversation about one of the guys sons. The convo kinda went like this.... Guy1: who's that girl with your son? Guy2: his girl friend Guy1: oh how long have they been together? Guy2: <strong>to long</strong>, actually they are engaged. Guy1: oh congrats! Guy2: well she is only 18 so it's not congrats to us. Okay so because I am 18 I got a bit hot about that comment, but didn't say anything. I know that every couple is different and I have no clue how long this couple had been together so if it really is serious or not, but I just hated hearing that comment.
Posted by MrsL2014[/QUOTE]

I think this sums up the parents' reasoning in a nutshell.  You don't say your kid has been dating someone for too long if you like them.  This is what you say when you are hoping to God they break up soon.

joe&cassie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ugh-got-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f421631-aad3-47ad-b156-806c722ccebePost:a0336327-bbce-4046-a7ea-d7b1c6a77efc">Re: Ugh got to vent.....</a>:
[QUOTE]I dont think its fair that people say you have to have graduated college to be ready for marriage. My FI went to college & dropped out after his second year - and to this day never went back. He makes a very good living, works hard, is very intelligent, is responsible and the list goes on and on. I have graduated school. <strong>FI is 25 and has decided that he wants to return to school and finish his degree, I have also decided to go back and finish more schooling but still get married next year. Should FI be considered not ready because he hasnt finished school yet? Should we wait another 4/5 years for FI to finish school so we are seen as more prepared?</strong> <strong>Everyone goes through different life experiences that make them more mature & less mature than others, and there shouldnt be a defined age and prerequiste for someone to be ready to be marriage, age doesnt equal maturity -</strong> I can speak of a lot of people who are far to old to be living at home with their parents still mooching off of them, no job & no goal who can be in the 'ready to be married age' and much younger people who have been fending for themselves for years, have a good head on their shoulder and know what they want with their futures who are in the 'not ready to be married' age.  Age doesnt also mean you dont cheat on your spouse, that is a whole load of garbage. 
Posted by DileniN[/QUOTE]

The bolded part exactly!  FI is 31 and I am 21 and I will graduate college before he does.  Like I said before you should be able to support yourself before getting married.  I know lots of people live with the parents afterwards or whatever.  My parents and I both agree that marriage means you are leaving their home and moving on.  That's part of the reason they ask who gives this woman away? 

LiLe422

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ugh-got-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f421631-aad3-47ad-b156-806c722ccebePost:86b4a478-351c-4125-9e76-c3184bc54419">Re: Ugh got to vent.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ugh got to vent..... : Ah ha!  Now it makes sense. <strong>I live in Michigan, where there's a city named Pontiac.  I didn't know if "pontiac it out" meant something like "going all Detroit on your azz".</strong> ETA:  Auto-correct can be disabled.  I find it more of a hindrance than a help.
Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]

Thats what I thought for a second.  New lingo or something?

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ugh-got-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f421631-aad3-47ad-b156-806c722ccebePost:1ba91199-808e-48d1-9d44-03825c6ae1ce">Re:Ugh got to vent.....</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>The first step to getting people to accept that you're mature enough to being married is to not get your back up every time someone makes a general comment about young marriage being a mistake</strong>. I am personally also against getting married before you're at least old enough to drink, and preferably 23 or 24. I say that as someone who both almost did get married young twice and someone who's been with DH since I was 19 yrs old. I felt as equally in love and devoted to all 3 guys at the time I was with them, but it wasn't until after being with DH for several years that I really honestly knew who I was, what I wanted, and because he stuck by me and gave me plenty of space to grow and explore life knew that even if my ideas and goals all changed again tomorrow, DH would still love me and still be the man I wanted. Three years after THAT, we were engaged and it was almost two more years before the wedding. <strong>So really, I honestly can't agree with marriage at 19 or so because there is no good reason FOR it, and a lot of reasons against it. If it's right, it will still be right 2 or 3 years later. Why rush it?</strong>
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I completely agree.

Look OP, people are going to feel strongly about young marriage whether you like it or not.  If you really want people to accept it for you, then you've got to stop getting your panties in a bunch when someone makes a negative comment about other young marriages, or even yours.  Handling criticism with grace is a sign of maturity, especially when it's criticisim that's well supported by years and years of statistics.

But I'm with Stage, I can't see a single good reason to get married young, and lots of good reasons to wait, but this is your choice to make.  I will say though, that whatever the age you get married at, as long as you are 100% financially independent (that means not having your parents pay for a single thing, not even being on their health insurance, or car insurance, etc), then I'd feel a lot more comfortable giving my blessing if it was someone I knew.

allychase

My situation is not so much that anyone is mad about us being engaged young, but more that we're engaged before my FI sister, who is a year older than him and has only been with her boyfriend for six months. My FI and I have been dating for 3 years, living together 2 of them, bought a house together, he's graduated with his masters degree and makes a very good living, and I'm in nursing school. His family was upset at first that we got engaged "out of order" since he's the youngest, but quickly got over it seeing as we provide entirely for ourselves. Some people were forced to grow up more quickly than others, so I'm not really in that "selfish" 20s stage since I have no desire to go out and drink and party actually hate being drunk and much rather prefer finishing school, being independent, getting married and starting a family. Some people are like that, and if you can provide for yourself, and are ready for that type of commitment then age isn't an issue regarding marriage. I do feel that if both partners are young, just out of high school, living with their parents with no means of ever moving out and taking care of themselves, then no you are 100 not ready for marriage. You don't have to explain yourselves to anybody if you're both out on your own and want to get married.

Winnertag1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ugh-got-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f421631-aad3-47ad-b156-806c722ccebePost:8388a725-a383-4615-8c12-59bae542d0b7">Re:Ugh got to vent.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Ugh got to vent.....: Okay, so how about "you should be completely stable and firmly entrenched in your chosen profession, and living completely selfsupported" instead of graduating college? If you are planning to go to college, trade school, whatever and it's pretty necessary these days you have SOME sort of higher education then you do that first. If not, then you get a job in your chosen field and work your way up to a stable position first. Same concept, and still pretty much not achievable before 22 in most cases. Also, I get so tired of people acting like being financially responsible or not being a wild party child somehow makes you instantly marriage ready. I was an INCREDIBLY responsible teen. By the time I hit 18, I had been working a job, paying our household bills not with my personal money, but the act of bill paying and checkbook balancing for the household finances, and basically raising my brothers for three solid years. And I did it all while graduating with honors, participating in an incredibly competitive vocal music group, AND managing the flag team for the band. I also knew exactly where I was going to college and what I would study. None of that made me an adult. I found out that I still needed to figure out what kind of life I wanted. Where did I want to live? Close to my family or in a big city somewhere? Did I really want kids? If so, how many and would I still work/stay at home/etc? How long should I wait to have kids? What was important to me financially? Where was spending my money worth it, on cool electronics and fancy furniture or on going out and doing stuff/expensive dinners/etc? How did I want to dress? What kind of style did I have as a working professional and what costs were associated with that? Was having a job that paid a lot more but had no benefits better or one that paid less, but dealt with things like health insurance and retirement FOR me? I didn't know any of this at 18 because I COULDN'T know it then. Heck, some of it I didn't figure out until I was 25 because I had to be out of college and into the work force to figure it out. And that guy, who had sat up nights with me for 2 years, listening to me talk about a career in theatre? The one who loved me for my big dreams and ambition? Turns out, he wasn't so keen on them when it meant I was working 16 hour days in college and spending time around a bunch of guys without him. He completely changed into a different person, started accusing me of having an affair with my professor, etc. and when he found out I intended to USE my degree when I got it, even if it meant moving? Yeah, that was the end of us. We'd been together two years, and it took 8 weeks of college to end it all. Not because I wanted to party or sleep around but simply because what my life was becoming wasn't compatible with where he saw his going.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
I agree with this completely, especially about the part about being able to support yourself, and that doesnt mean just being able to pay your bills. You need to establish yourself in some way, it just doesnt mean you have to have a higher education.

monkeysip

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ugh-got-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f421631-aad3-47ad-b156-806c722ccebePost:cff7176c-bc23-447b-a835-b3fe81582a00">Re: Ugh got to vent.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ugh got to vent..... : <strong>When you say you're against a certain thing, you are generalizing. Like... I'm against DUI. Because I don't think it's good. In general.</strong> I think my friend robbed a young woman of her youth and stuck her with the title of divorcee. Obviously she wanted to get married, but just as obviously she didn't understand the consequences of marriage and wasn't mature enough to settle down. Do I think that's the case for everyone? Maybe not. But again, what is the harm in waiting?
Posted by runpipparun[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry, this makes no sense.

No one is "generally" against driving under the influence.  There are no circumstances under which it is acceptable to do that.  It's not like, "well, I'm generally against it, but sometimes it's okay." 

You could be generally against getting married young but think that there might be cases where it's okay. 



On a different note, I also don't get the "what's the harm in waiting?" thing either.  I completely agree that you should wait until you have the maturity and stability to get married (in most cases, this means having a good job, knowing the other person well, being ready to make a real commitment, etc.).  At the same time, if you really want to get married, then it's not like waiting doesn't bring any hardships.

FI and I will have been together over 10 years.  We've been waiting until we're more financially stable, finished with school, etc.  And I don't regret doing that because it's important to us.  At the same time, however, my heart does ache that we're not married yet, and I wish we could've done it sooner (but I know that would not have been smart).

runpipparun

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ugh-got-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f421631-aad3-47ad-b156-806c722ccebePost:a0a20d17-45ac-4ab6-bbea-6260c7569dc6">Re: Ugh got to vent.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ugh got to vent..... : I'm sorry, this makes no sense. No one is "generally" against driving under the influence.  There are no circumstances under which it is acceptable to do that.  It's not like, "well, I'm generally against it, but sometimes it's okay."  You could be generally against getting married young but think that there might be cases where it's okay.  On a different note, I also don't get the "what's the harm in waiting?" thing either.  I completely agree that you should wait until you have the maturity and stability to get married (in most cases, this means having a good job, knowing the other person well, being ready to make a real commitment, etc.).  At the same time, if you really want to get married, then it's not like waiting doesn't bring any hardships. FI and I will have been together over 10 years.  We've been waiting until we're more financially stable, finished with school, etc.  And I don't regret doing that because it's important to us.  At the same time, however, my heart does ache that we're not married yet, and I wish we could've done it sooner (but I know that would not have been smart).
Posted by monkeysip[/QUOTE]

<div>Pick up on the sarcasm, yo. I stated in my original response that I was against super young people getting married, and gave a specific case where I had tried to be supportive, and it had effed over two people's lives. Then someone said, "You're generalizing." I said YES, I STATED IN MY POST THAT I WAS AGAINST IT. Generally when you state you're against something, you're generally against it. Generally speaking. In general.</div>

Summer2011Bride

I agree with all of what Stage has said but just don't want to quote all of it!

I really think there's a lot to be said for waiting to get married. I mean if you know you want to be together the rest of your lives, what difference does 3 or 4 years make? I met H when I was 18 and knew pretty quickly I wanted to spend my life with him but I didn't marry him until I was 25. At 18, I didn't know much about the world or myself and I hadn't experienced a whole lot.

So I do think there's something to be said for being in a committed relationship with someone at that age, but holding off on marriage until you've done some living and growing on your own and know without a shadow of a doubt you are ready for marriage and with this person. If 4 years later you still want to marry him, great! What's the rush, KWIM?

And specifically for OP: People will judge that you are getting married young. Right or wrong, it will happen. I would learn to just let it roll off your back since this is the choice you want to make. It's totally fine to vent about this conversation on here, but I doubt it will be the last convo like that and in the future, it could even be about you, so just be prepared for it and be willing to just ignore it.

MrsL2014

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ugh-got-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f421631-aad3-47ad-b156-806c722ccebePost:52ce70ab-a745-4a4f-aeae-b04c3ef13ede">Re: Ugh got to vent.....</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with all of what Stage has said but just don't want to quote all of it! I really think there's a lot to be said for waiting to get married. I mean if you know you want to be together the rest of your lives, what difference does 3 or 4 years make? I met H when I was 18 and knew pretty quickly I wanted to spend my life with him but I didn't marry him until I was 25. At 18, I didn't know much about the world or myself and I hadn't experienced a whole lot. So I do think there's something to be said for being in a committed relationship with someone at that age, but holding off on marriage until you've done some living and growing on your own and know without a shadow of a doubt you are ready for marriage and with this person. If 4 years later you still want to marry him, great! What's the rush, KWIM? And specifically for OP: People will judge that you are getting married young. Right or wrong, it will happen. I would learn to just let it roll off your back since this is the choice you want to make. It's totally fine to vent about this conversation on here, but I doubt it will be the last convo like that and in the future, it could even be about you, so just be prepared for it and be willing to just ignore it.
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]




Thank you, I know that there will be comments about us being so young, and I have to learn to get over them. I have no problem with waiting, I have even told FI that, but he doesn't want to wait another 3 full years and I am set on a 4th of July wedding. But it is important to me that I have graduated from some type of schooling and that my FI has started on the path of his career (very unsupportive parents and told him not to do college and just work at a factory). We are also budgeting and saving so that by the time we get married we will have bought a house. I know that we both still have some growing to do but I would never want to do it with out him by my side.

MrsL2014

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ugh-got-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f421631-aad3-47ad-b156-806c722ccebePost:f58c792e-00bf-4ee1-a262-8e1e52bcbc3f">Re: Ugh got to vent.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ugh got to vent..... :


Thank you, I know that there will be comments about us being so young, and I have to learn to get over them. I have no problem with waiting, I have even told FI that, but he doesn't want to wait another 3 full years and I am set on a 4th of July wedding. But it is important to me that I have graduated from some type of schooling and that my FI has started on the path of his career (very unsupportive parents and told him not to do college and just work at a factory). We are also budgeting and saving so that by the time we get married we will have bought a house. <b>I know that we both still have some growing to do but I would never want to do it with out him by my side.<b />
Posted by MrsL2014[/QUOTE]



Sorry, that was worded wrong right there. It's not that I wouldn't want to grow if he wasn't there, but more of I couldn't think of a better person to grow with other than him...if that makes any more sense?</b>

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ugh-got-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f421631-aad3-47ad-b156-806c722ccebePost:a2720dce-099f-499e-b284-ad2ab7b9f54a">Re: Ugh got to vent.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ugh got to vent..... : I'm obviously biased, but being young doesn't have to mean being immature.  <strong>Sure, lots of young people are phenomenally unprepared for marriage, because they're still figuring themselves out, but there are also quite a few young people who are firm in who they are, work hard, and understand the commitment.</strong>  Maybe I'm wrong, but I hope not.
Posted by Gabrielle76[/QUOTE]

<div>The thing is, the young people who are mature enough to understand the commitment, are firm in who they are, and who are ready to make a decision for the rest of their lives are the ones who realize that there is no reason to get married so soon, and will decide to wait because if he is Mr./Mrs. Right, he/she will still be Mr./Mrs. Right once they've lived a little and established their careers.  These are usually the same people that recognize the need to do some of the "youth" and "selfish" things at that age, like dedicate themselves to careers, travel, and do spontaneous things with friends.  </div><div>
</div><div>It's the young people who just think they are mature are the ones who tend to get married.  They are also the same once that tell you that they are very mature for their age, or that they are "almost 20" years old.  They may end up imploding and cheating, but more likely they just end up regretting that they skipped those youth experiences.</div>

runpipparun

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_ugh-got-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:9f421631-aad3-47ad-b156-806c722ccebePost:f58c792e-00bf-4ee1-a262-8e1e52bcbc3f">Re: Ugh got to vent.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ugh got to vent..... : Thank you, I know that there will be comments about us being so young, and I have to learn to get over them. I have no problem with waiting, I have even told FI that, but <strong>he doesn't want to wait another 3 full years and I am set on a 4th of July wedding.</strong> But it is important to me that I have graduated from some type of schooling and that my FI has started on the path of his career (very unsupportive parents and told him not to do college and just work at a factory). We are also budgeting and saving so that by the time we get married we will have bought a house. I know that we both still have some growing to do but I would never want to do it with out him by my side.
Posted by MrsL2014[/QUOTE]

<div>This comment, unfortunately, makes you look like you are not ready for marriage. Just because he doesn't want to wait, you will give in? That sounds very one-sided in terms of life decision-making. Determining that you must get married in a certain year because you've locked yourself into a certain day that will occur on a weekend (and which, btw, will require your guests to sacrifice what is usually a family holiday or a day to honor servicemen in the family to attend your wedding)? That seems... goofy.</div><div>
</div><div>If FI is making decisions based on his unsupportive parents, that's also not a good sign. There is nothing wrong with choosing not to go to college if you can find a career that will support you and thus avoid the mountains of student loan debt with ridiculous interest, but to blame one's parents for forcing one down that path is a childish thing to do.</div><div>
</div><div>Good for you for saving. We are also saving. But we are not buying a house yet, because we want to get the frack out of where we currently live. We've both traveled the US extensively, and we know there are a lot better places to raise kids than where we are now.</div><div>
</div><div>There is nothing wrong with dating seriously at your age. But when you live with someone and you are responsible for their emotional health as well as your own, you aren't able to... experience the independence that other people your age do. When I was your age, I founded and directed a lindy hop performance troupe at my university. I go-go danced for cash and turned in a short story about it. I went social dancing 6 nights a week. I competed in blues dancing. I went to Burning Man. I learned about sub-irrigated planting and grew my own pumpkins for pie. I took bareback horseback riding lessons. I went trail running for hours, for fun. Things I maybe wouldn't have had time for, had I been living with a man.</div><div>
</div><div>You can be with FI forever. But your youth is only here for a short time.</div>