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Bride Planning Showers?

Lately I have been racking my brain to come up with who I would like as BMs. I have never had a lot of female friends. My BM consideration were my sister (She lives in WA and I am in CA) and a friend that I have made through my Fiance (I haven't known her that long, and we don't really hang out all that often) My Fiance has 2 Groomsmen (why I felt I have to have to BM). I thought that since I wasn't really close with either of them that I would just do the planning for any showers/party's (I have female friends just not very super close ones)

I have been reading some of the post's and it seems a lot of people's idea is that I should have no part in planning the showers. I don't think it's right to ask someone to plane one for me. Any ideas or advice?

Re: Bride Planning Showers?

  • I have a lot of "friendly friends" but I don't have a lot of girls that I'm super close with either.  I'm also having a hard time deciding on BM's because of that.  Glad to know that I'm not the only one...  In fact, I don't really want a big wedding - that's all the FI's idea.  I'm just going to register, and let people buy gifts if they want to give one.  It won't hurt my feelings if they don't or if I don't have a shower.  If your BM's want to throw you a shower, or someone in your family wants to throw you a shower, it would be nice.  I don't think I would ask anyone to and I certainly wouldn't do it myself.  If nothing else, hint to your mom that you hope someone throws you a shower and let her take it from there.
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  • Generally, a shower is for loved ones to throw in honor of your wedding. But don't be mistaken by thinking it is the bridal party who always does it (that is generally an old school thing). I usually see more moms, FMIL, grandmas and aunts throwing showers. I wouldn't expect my friends to throw mine because we are all newly college grads and don't have much money. I do expect them to throw me some kind of bachelorette party or take me to the bar though. However, brides are never supposed to ask.

    I think once someone offers to throw a shower for you, I think it is okay to give input because it is your shower. Don't expect to run the shower if others are paying for it though.

    Good luck and I hope someone offers to throw you one!
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    You're right, it's not ok to ask someone to throw showers for you.  But that doesn't mean you should plan your own.

    A shower is a gift that someone may choose to give to you.  Your BMs may choose to throw one, or they may not.  A friend or relative or coworker or church member may choose to throw one.  If no one offers to throw a shower for you, you don't get one.  It is very rude to throw your own shower. 

    For your BMs, they should be your closest friends in the whole world.  They can be any age, location or gender.  If you have men in your life that fill this roll, it's fine to ask them.  If you have exactly two close friends, that's fine.  If you have a different number than your FI, that's fine.  If you don't have anyone on your side, that's fine, too.
  • agreed with above. Alot of women are having "Man of Honors" don't find people to be a BM else it won't be as special to you.
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  • I thought that since I wasn't really close with either of them that I would just do the planning for any showers/party's (I have female friends just not very super close ones) I have been reading some of the post's and it seems a lot of people's idea is that I should have no part in planning the showers. I don't think it's right to ask someone to plane one for me. Any ideas or advice?
    It's NOT right to plan your own showers.  As pp said, they are a gift someone decides to give you.  So if no one offers, you don't get one.  Asking someone to do it would be as incredibly rude as planning it yourself.

    And you don't need to have even numbers of GM and BM. If you aren't close to the second girl, just have one bridesmaid.  The world won't self-destruct, I promise.  And your marriage will still be valid.
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  • Showers are gifts, not rights. Brides should not plan their own, nor should they tell somebody else to do so. If you don't get one, it sucks, but your marriage is still valid.

    And don't ask somebody to be a bridesmaid just to have somebody up there. You can ask men or women to be on your side, the sides do not need to be even (Like if your FI has 7 people on his side, it's ok if you only have 2 on yours or whatever). Ask whoever is really important to you. I know there's girls that ask their moms to be their matrons of honor if they are really close.

    As far as your sister goes, you may not be close, but if you come from a family where that sort of thing is important, it's sometimes easier to ask then to deal with hearing about how you DIDN'T ask at every Christmas for the rest of your life (Trust me, this really does happen). Just because she's far away doesn't mean she can't stand up for you. Yeah, she might not be around for shopping or things like that, but you guys can trade ideas and pictures online. But don't worry about asking her because she's not around to fulfill bridesmaid "duties". Essentially, bridal party members only need to get attire and show up wearing it ... anything else they volunteer to do for you is icing on the big white cake!

    Best wishes!

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    "Meg cracks me up on the regular. Now she gets to do it in two different forums. Yay!!" ~mkrupar
  • You're correct, it is not right to ask someone to give you a shower.  If no one throws you a shower, you just don't get one.
  • Thanx ladys,

    I got all cought up in the planning stuff I think I kind of thought you HAD to have one. Didn't really understand it as a "gift". That makes me feel better, one less thing for me to worry about.
  • Wow at least i do not feel so alone. I do not have really any close friends. We decided on all family members in the wedding party. I work in an office by myself (lol) not a whole of people besides guys in the field. My future sister in law did ask for a list but most of the people on it are related. I am just gonna go with the flow . As for a bachlorette party she wants to go to a comedy club and then out to a few clubs. Not sure to invite on that, Don't really care if i have one, it seem's like i am so busy with the wedding stuff anyway's. I guess i will see when i get to that point!!
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