Philosophical Question

ssugrimgirl

Can some one please explain to be the mandatory plus one for singles / must invite people that are dating together rule to me?

I just don't get it.  I mean, for instance, if my cousin is a serial dater; do i really want her flavor of the week at my wedding?  Do I want my guest list to be buffed up by a bunch of random plus ones because my single friends feel obligated to bring a guest?

I've just never heard this "rule" before.  As I had always understood it, only people that had been dating a while or were in serious/comitted relationships should be invited together; beyond that extending plus one is a non-required courtesy.  

From my understanding it would be perfectly acceptable to invite the cousin solo; and still invite a close friend and allow the friend a date.  

Just want to understand.

acaponi87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_philosophical-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a2a80a91-79bd-484e-9b0f-8255ee5c7d05Post:a05321c6-27fd-468a-bb7c-55b3b8f06069">Philosophical Question</a>:
[QUOTE]Can some one please explain to be the mandatory plus one for singles / must invite people that are dating together rule to me? I just don't get it.  I mean, for instance, if my cousin is a serial dater; do i really want her flavor of the week at my wedding?  Do I want my guest list to be buffed up by a bunch of random plus ones because my single friends feel obligated to bring a guest? I've just never heard this "rule" before.  As I had always understood it, only people that had been dating a while or were in serious/comitted relationships should be invited together; beyond that extending plus one is a non-required courtesy.   <strong>From my understanding it would be perfectly acceptable to invite the cousin solo; and still invite a close friend and allow the friend a date.   Just want to understand.</strong>
Posted by ssugrimgirl[/QUOTE]

Not quite sure where you got this "rule"..if someone is single you don't have to invite them with a guest.  If you can afford to give them a guest it's nice.  Where people usually get upset is when the bride/groom tries to judge the seriousness of someone's relationship and base whether or not they are worthy of a plus one.  Just because they haven't been together a year or 6 months doesn't mean that they aren't serious. Many people on this website are engaged after that amount of time. Just because you haven't met their significant other doesn't mean that they shouldn't be invited either.

I'm confused by what you mean with this last part.

Viczaesar

There is no rule about singles getting a plus one.  It's a nice gesture but not required.  It is required that you invite your guests' significant others.  It doesn't matter if you know them or have met them or think they're a jerk - the point is that it is rude to split up established couples, so if they consider themselves to be an established couple, they both need an invitation.  It's about treating your guests properly.

ChristineNB

No singles at my wedding are getting a plus 1.  Anyone that is married, engaged, in some sort of commited relationship will be given a plus 1.  If your friends get upset that they can't bring a date, just tell them you are trying to do a wedding on a budget.

MyNameIsNot

If they are truly single, you don't have to include a date.  Just understand that it is common practice in many areas, and many people are not comfortable going to a wedding solo.  Some people will decline if they have to come alone.  

For people in relationships, you have to invite the s/o.  It doesn't have to be a serious relationship, but it does have to be an actual relationship.  Many people use the "exclusive" relationship test.  If your cousin is calling the guy her boyfriend, you'll have to invite him.  If she's casually seeing three different guys when your invites go out, you don't have to invite any of them.  

StephBeanWed61502

You seem to be confused about what the rule actually is.

If someone is truly single - meaning that they do not have a person in their life that they identify as a boyfriend, girlfriend, or significant other - you do not have to invite them with a +1.

If someone is in a relationship of any duration you need to invite them with their boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other. 

So, to use your example, if your cousin is currently seeing four different guys, but doesn't identify any of them as her boyfriend, it's fine to invite her solo.  If, however, she calls you up and says "Oh hey, you know how I've been dating Jimmy, Randall, Steve, and Joe?  Well, Randall's my boyfriend now, and I'm not seeing Jimmy, Steve or Joe anymore!" you now have to invite Randall because she's identified herself as being in a relationship with him.  Once she identifies Randall as her boyfriend, the two of them become a social unit.  It doesn't matter that she's a serial dater, it doesn't matter that you've never met or don't like Randall, and it doesn't matter that, in your opinion, she'll probably dump Randall the week after your wedding - anyone who identifies themselves as being in a relationship with another person must be invited with that person (who should be identified by name on the invitation, and not as a "+1").

The reason for this is that it's incredibly rude and presumptuous of you to go around judging the seriousness of your friends' and family members' relationships.  Who are you to decide which couples are "serious enough" to "deserve" an invitation to your wedding?  Who made you the official arbiter of relationship seriousness?

smmessinger

 I put plus one as an option. From my point of view they aren't obligated they are just encouraged to bring a guest (it could be just a friend or even a family member) it doesn't have to be a date that way they have company if they want? If they chose not to it's fine as well.

ssugrimgirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_philosophical-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a2a80a91-79bd-484e-9b0f-8255ee5c7d05Post:371fc74a-775c-4181-8928-2ee51a85c584">Re: Philosophical Question</a>:
[QUOTE]You seem to be confused about what the rule actually is. If someone is truly single - meaning that they do not have a person in their life that they identify as a boyfriend, girlfriend, or significant other - you do not have to invite them with a +1. If someone is in a relationship of any duration you need to invite them with their boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other. 
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]
<div>
</div><div>Thanks for this clarification.  I had been reading the boards yesterday and gotten confused.  There seems to be a big surge to "+ one"  all single guests.  Which I find odd; and a bit hokey.  </div><div>
</div><div>Obviously it is not mine or anyone else's job to judge someone else's exclusive relationship.  But just to follow up the previous hypothetical situation and play devil's advocate.  What if cousin's SO is danger/will make scene; ie openly physically abusive, likely to steal the wedding gifts, shows up to all events wasted -  What should one do then?</div>

christibarsalou

i would just send the invitation to her and her only. if she feels like she needs to bring her  flav of the week then she needs to call you and ask if its ok first. or you could do like my exs cousin did when she got married. my ex couldnt take his gf because of money they only invited relatives and the relatives family. since my ex and his current gf are not married or engaged she wasnt invited. now they did have some cousins that bought their fiances but no bf/gfs were allowed. its your wedding do what you feel you need to do. i have a similiar situation with family i dont see. good luck