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Arrg..Need to vent!

We met with the church wedding coordinator, mostly to see the space, changing areas and discuss the rules and regulations for the ceremony.  We are still over 6 months away and haven't finalized all the details. 

Well my rant is the coordinator or "Church Nazi" was ridiculous.  I heard she was difficult but didn't want to go into the meeting assuming the worst in people. We plan to have a simple traditional ceremony with nothing out of the ordinary or overly demanding.

While the CN was showing us the sanctuary, she asked about the WP.  We haven't finalized but it will be probably small maybe 3 girls and 4 guys.  Well when I mentioned that my step brother maybe a GM, but due to long-term illness requires 2 canes to walk long distances and stand at times. 

The CN said that she would advise against me having him as a GM.  She said in her experience people with physical disabilities are a distraction and can't make it through the wedding.

WTF...am I supposed to not select him as a GM because he would be a distraction to her.  I know my family would not think so and neither would my FI's family.

Before I go on please note we are having a small wedding and only 1 reading by the minister, so having him do a reading is out of the question, so is being an usher. 

What I don't understand is why she is was so against someone with a disability in the WP.  If he is in the WP we would have him walk out with my FI and not down the aisle to make it easier on him.

If that wasn't enough, I mentioned that one of my oldest and closest friends, who also happens to be the shortest would probably the BM standing the furthest away from me because she is pregnant and may need to sit at some point.  The CN said "don't you have anyone who ins't pregnant to be a BM?"

WTF, I don't collect friends and loved ones daily.  Our wedding is about the people who are the closest to us and I don't feel the need to ask someone to fill in because of what some witch thinks!

It gets worse, when she asked who would be sitting in the honor row for parents and such I explained that only my grandfather after he walks me down the aisle.  This means that the pew would be empty until after I walk down which she did not like.  So she had to go through the list rudely why my mother or father, paternal grandparents and maternal grandmother would not be there.

I politely explained that they passed away and my grandfather is the only parent I have alive.  

She said should be able to find I have someone who "will act like a mom" for the wedding.

I wanted to killl her.  Where does she get off.?

Just because I have lost my parents and most of my grandparents, have a disabled brother and a pregnant BF I need to find someone else to make her feel better.

I did not retaliate but said politely I would take her suggestions under advisement, which was my polite way of saying F-off!

Am I wrong? or was she really being a witch?

Re: Arrg..Need to vent!

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    Sounds like a witch to me . . was she small and old? I just had this imagine of a little witch while reading your post. Do you have to be married there? I won't think I would want to put up with that!!
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    ok, take a breath.  what this woman said was rude and irrational but she didn't tell you that people with differing abilities and pregnant women were not allowed to be in the wedding party at that church.  It was incredibly rude of her to challenge your choices and demean your loved ones.   I'm also terribly sorry she pointed out how many of your family members have passed, that was uncalled for and bottom line is, it's none of her business.  She's a small-minded idiot and it's unfortunate that you have to deal with her, but don't let her awful attitude ruin your day!!  Is this your church that you attend regularly?  Perhaps there is a priest or a minister that you know and could approach with this situation?  He might want to know that this woman is being rude to patrons in this manner. 
    Bottom line, she was way out of line in everything she said to you and if she spoke that way to me, I probably would have sliced her tires in the parking lot. 
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
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    Homygod, that woman has no business working in a CHURCH. What an evil bitch. Ugh.

    Ignore her. Your wedding party is about the people important to you, and if you have those people surrounding you on your wedding day, it's going to be beautiful and meaningful :) Good luck trying to deal with her... Is there any way you can find a way to not work with this devil incarnate?!
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    I am so so so so sorry :( She sounds so out of this world. Could you get married elsewhere? It sounds lie she may not get any better and you should not have to worry about something treating like you, your FI and your decisions as if it were her wedding.
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    It is my FI family's church. I recently started attending regularly and love the church and the members.
    My FI parents and sisters were all married here and it would mean a lot to him for us to get married there.

    This woman is an anomaly.  Luckily we will be assigned a day to day coordinator and hopefully not her.   My future SIL advised me to see if her coordinator is still there and send her a personal letter asking her to be our coordinator.  

    I have pretty tough skin but even she got to me, I really feel bad for other brides who are not as tough.   

    If I wasn't a member and she was the only face of the church I saw I would  leave  with the quickness!
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    It's all in how you say things.  I won't deny what she said was rude, but I think she was trying to get at the logistics, albeit in a really bad way.  Are you able to have chairs for your BM and your brother?  If so, you cut out the possible "distraction" of them moving much during your ceremony, as short as it may be.

    And that was ridiculous, what she said about your family.  There's no need to further question someone that's given you all the painful answers you've prodded for.  "You'll find someone to act as a mother"?  Get the eff out of here with that bs.

    Good luck!
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    That woman is ignorant and needs to be enlightened. Let the pastor of the church know how the Church Nazi is handling wedding arrangements. You should let her know that you did not appreciate her insensitive comments.
    And please do not make any changes based on her recommendations.
                       
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    No. You weren't wrong. This woman was completely out of line. You should be able to have anyone in your wedding that you want. If this old hag has any problem with it, you can very firmly tell her to, well, kiss your ass. She should NOT have said anything rude about anyone in your family. That's just wrong. >:(
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    oh wow...seriously??? she had the nerve to say those things?!??! sounds like a witch to me...and kudos on not blowing your top either...wow
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    edited April 2010
    @drileybubeck the reason my BM and brother would be placed the furthest away is so if they did need to sit they could do so without having to walk past people. 

    I am just completely offended that she or anyone would characterize someone's physical condition as a distraction.

    Have we all sunk that low that people with disabilities are not allowed to participate in wedding.  What's next maybe they should not be allowed to attend standing room only concerts because they are a distraction.

    There is no way in good faith I can say I love my brother but find his disability a distraction.  It's the only way I've ever know him to be.

    I want to know what she would say to a pregnant bride...find someone else to fill in for you. 
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    After the wedding you should inform the pastor or priest of that church. She is the face of the church and they need to be made aware. Just calmly, without pointing fingers list the things she did/said and tell them you are telling them because she is the face of the church and that you are now finished with it. How they handle or not, is their business but you believe they would want to know about this.


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    @skippylouwho that was my FI advice.  i think I will and hopefully by then will have calmed down enough to make sure it is not accusatory.  I agree she is the face of the church and how awful it must be for brides who are looking forward to getting married to have to run into someone so tactless and rude.


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