Chit Chat

Kind of long, but I need some advice.

My fiance and I recently went through a really bad time. I was depressed for several months from losing my job, having trouble getting back into college, and being so far away from my family after moving in with him. He stopped supporting me and showing me he cared because I was depressed. He didn't know how to handle it or how to help me, and I wasn't trying to help him help me. We stopped supporting each other. I packed a bunch of things one day, when it got really bad, and I stayed with my mom for a month while we were supposed to be working things out. We saw each other a few times, went on a couple of dates, and even made love one night. I grew a lot in that month and got over my depression and got back to who I knew I needed to be. We seemed closer and happier and I truly thought we were going to go back to each other and be happy. June 1st, he came to visit me again and told me it was over. I was heartbroken, but I understood that he wasn't ready to handle the type of relationship we were in. That night, however, I found out he'd started a relationship with a woman I have always really despised for many legitimate reasons. They had been dating for half the time I was gone. So I texted both of them to let them know just what kind of person I thought they both were, went the next weekend to pick up my things, and was done with it. I put it behind me. I even had a few dates with another guy, but it didn't work out with him.

Then I started feeling odd. I had weird things happening with my body. And I missed a period. I was eight days late July 10th, when he came to drop off the remainder of my things and get the things I'd accidentally taken that were his. I had him close his eyes and hold out his hand, and I dropped two positive pregnancy tests in his hand. Almost immediately, he dropped to his knees and started to beg for me to come back to him. He said he knew he messed up, he never wanted to be with this other girl, he always wanted to be with me, his mind just wasn't in the right place, he loves me, he wants to be a family with me and the baby, that he was planning on telling me all that even if I hadn't shown him the tests. I agreed to go out to dinner with him, and to give his plea some serious thought. He broke it off with the other woman and she is no longer in the picture in any way. We're back together and I love him and believe that he loves me and that he never wants to do anything to hurt me again.

But I'm having a hard time accepting everything. I keep thinking he's getting off way too easily for what he did to me, that I'm showing him how much I have grown much more than he is showing me. I feel like he should be doing more to make it up to me, that my friends and family should be giving him a harder time about it, that not enough is being done to show him that what he did was wrong. He says he feels it every day, that he hurts every day for what he did, but I don't see it. I only see me doing his laundry, cleaning his house, doing his dishes, making him dinner and lunches for work, and everything of that nature. I know it's selfish and immature sounding, but I just am having the hardest time dealing with the fact that he's getting such a great deal and I'm sitting here having to explain to everyone why it was so easy for him to get what he wanted. My pride is hurt, and I'm not afraid to admit that.

I want to know how to put this feeling aside and start accepting things, stop thinking about all the negatives. I want to be able to not have to ask all the time what happened with the two of them, I want to be able to have peace of mind about the whole thing and let go of it because I know he doesn't want to live with someone who resents and mistrusts him and I know that I don't want to put him through that.

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