Grandmother Passing

Songbird2925

So my Grandma passed away on Friday afternoon after 93 amazing years on this earth.  The visitation will be on Wednesday afternoon and evening, with the funeral on Thursday morning.
Tonight I ask my fiance what he is going to do about work.  He answeres..."well I only need to be there for the funeral, right?" I said...."No...I think you should be there for the 2 visitations as well."  to which he replied, "Well I can be there for the Wednesday evening visitation, but I'm not going to be able to get Wednesday afternoon AND Thursday off...I've got deadlines coming up at work."  I told him he should get bereavement time...and he said it's not about getting time off work, it's about having to meet his deadlines.  I just stopped talking....he knows I'm upset.  The thing is I understand where he is coming from, and I think he understands where I am coming from.
So...what do I do?  Help?

freebread03

First, I'm so sorry about your grandmother--it sounds like she had many wonderful years, and how great that she got to see you get engaged.

I think your FI is doing his best to compromise--I may be somewhat biased because I'm someone who works a lot and has numerous deadlines, so I'd probably be in the same position and have the same response as him.  I think that its unnecessary for him to be at the Wed afternoon visitation, and that it's great he can come to the Wed night visitation and the funeral on Thursday.

angelsong21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_grandmother-passing?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:b2bc489a-d433-4637-b068-e1023308d962Post:35d1a52a-8923-4e15-8033-9b51b86512f3">Grandmother Passing</a>:
[QUOTE]So my Grandma passed away on Friday afternoon after 93 amazing years on this earth.  The visitation will be on Wednesday afternoon and evening, with the funeral on Thursday morning. Tonight I ask my fiance what he is going to do about work.  He answeres..."well I only need to be there for the funeral, right?" I said...."No...I think you should be there for the 2 visitations as well."  to which he replied, "Well I can be there for the Wednesday evening visitation, but I'm not going to be able to get Wednesday afternoon AND Thursday off...I've got deadlines coming up at work." <strong> I told him he should get bereavement time</strong>...and he said it's not about getting time off work, it's about having to meet his deadlines.  I just stopped talking....he knows I'm upset.  The thing is I understand where he is coming from, and I think he understands where I am coming from. So...what do I do?  Help?
Posted by Songbird2925[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your grandmother.  My grandma passed away a year and a half ago before Christmas.</div><div>
</div><div>Your FI will not get bereavement time for the passing of <em><u>your</u></em> grandmother.  At some companies your lucky if you get bereavement time for the passing of your own grandmother -- many companies are "immediate family only" in terms of considering bereavement time off.</div><div>
</div><div>I think your FI is doing the best that he can to compromise.  TBH, I think him attending the funeral is enough, but he's also trying to compromise with you and go to one of the visitations.  I do agree with him that asking for time off on two days this close to the days would be really difficult.</div><div>
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ChristineNB

I am sorry for your grandmother's passing, but I also echo the previous posters in that I have never heard of an employer that will give breavement time to someone that you are not legally or biologically related too.  Since you and your fiance aren't legally married yet, and it is not his grandmother, your fiance's employer has no legal obligation to offer him breavement time to attend the funeral and visitation.

cwaggoner07

I agree with PP. He is doing the absolute best that he can, as are you. I think he's being really supportive.

Songbird2925

Thanks everyone.  Last night my emotions were high and I wasn't sure if I was being reasonable or not with my expectations of him, so I was really glad to have this site to turn to for advice from all of you who weren't emotionally attached to the situation.  I'm sure he would be with me if he could as well.  Thank you all for your kind words My Grandma was a lovely lady, and even though we were all prepared and got to say good bye it's never easy is it....