Is it just me...

SpazzUnscripted

Or are there a lot of beeyotchy comments on these boards?

I'm not trying to start anything, but I feel like when anyone brings up an avante-guard or offbeat wedding/proposal/invite/whatever idea, people go on the attack. Not constructive crit, just snotty that-sucks sort of crap. Or things like "You really shouldn't do that because (it's a bad idea/guests will think it's weird/if I were at a wedding and saw that I would just leave)." Whatever.

Be a bridezilla at your own wedding. If you don't like an idea, suggest an alternative or politely say as much. You know how it frustrates you how judgmental and opinionated your mother/sister/friend/whatever is? Now imagine strangers are being just like that.

I've been lucky enough to avoid the rude comments on my own posts (so far), but I've seen some people get downright attacked--and no one comes to their defense. Why is everyone so mean?

(Not everyone. Probably just a select and vocal few. But you know what I mean.)

Avion22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_is-it-just-me-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:b69aacd6-51de-47a0-95df-f69331067f82Post:811300e1-7385-4e4d-a158-1ee13039c16d">Is it just me...</a>:
[QUOTE]Or are there a lot of beeyotchy comments on these boards? I'm not trying to start anything, but I feel like when anyone brings up an avante-guard or offbeat wedding/proposal/invite/whatever idea, people go on the attack. Not constructive crit, just snotty that-sucks sort of crap. Or things like "You really shouldn't do that because (it's a bad idea/guests will think it's weird/if I were at a wedding and saw that I would just leave)." Whatever. Be a bridezilla at your own wedding. If you don't like an idea, suggest an alternative or politely say as much. You know how it frustrates you how judgmental and opinionated your mother/sister/friend/whatever is? Now imagine strangers are being just like that. I've been lucky enough to avoid the rude comments on my own posts (so far), but I've seen some people get downright attacked--and no one comes to their defense. Why is everyone so mean? (Not everyone. Probably just a select and vocal few. But you know what I mean.)
Posted by SpazzUnscripted[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>"You really shouldn't do that becuase it's a bad idea/guests will think it's weird..." etc IS constructive criticism.  <div>
</div><div>We tell people if something is bad idea, and why we think so, and usually suggest alternatives for what the posted can do to achieve their vision and not be rude to their guests.</div><div>
</div><div>Unfortunately, a lot of people come onto these boards looking for validation, and don't really want to KNOW if it's a bad idea or not.  Most of us on here are at least honest enough to tell someone if they are about to do something that will offend their guests.   And while your mother or sister or aunt or best friend or whoever will just smile and say, "Oh, that's a fine idea", behind their back they are CRINGING but just won't tell you to your face how bad your idea is.  We will.</div><div>
</div><div>Also?  You don't win friends on here by saying, "Not all of you are b*tches, but some of you are, and you all know who I'm talking about."   </div></div>

zitiqueen

Wow, I bet your post will help everybody see the light and change the entire dynamic of this message board. Kudos to you.

AdeleDazeem

::looks around::  Nothing new in here, then?

lyndausvi

Is it just me.....

or are there a lot of posters who ask "is this a good idea" when really they just want validation.

My motto is if you can't handle the answer, don't ask the question.  

When you ask a public board a question you set yourself up for people who might not think it's a good idea.  Especially with the diversity of this board.  

Plus family and friends are less likely to tell you it's a bad idea even if they believe it is.  Do you really want your guests to feel awkward. offended or annoyed if you could help it?  If you really don't care, then why ask the question anyway?

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_is-it-just-me-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:b69aacd6-51de-47a0-95df-f69331067f82Post:811300e1-7385-4e4d-a158-1ee13039c16d">Is it just me...</a>:
[QUOTE]Or are there a lot of beeyotchy comments on these boards? <strong>I'm not trying to start anything</strong>, but I feel like when anyone brings up an avante-guard or offbeat wedding/proposal/invite/whatever idea, people go on the attack. Not constructive crit, just snotty that-sucks sort of crap. Or things like "You really shouldn't do that because (it's a bad idea/guests will think it's weird/if I were at a wedding and saw that I would just leave)." Whatever. Be a bridezilla at your own wedding. If you don't like an idea, suggest an alternative or politely say as much. You know how it frustrates you how judgmental and opinionated your mother/sister/friend/whatever is? Now imagine strangers are being just like that. I've been lucky enough to avoid the rude comments on my own posts (so far), but I've seen some people get downright attacked--and no one comes to their defense. Why is everyone so mean? (Not everyone. Probably just a select and vocal few. But you know what I mean.)
Posted by SpazzUnscripted[/QUOTE]

<div>If this is you "not trying to start anything," I'd hate to encounter you when you ARE trying to start something.</div><div>
</div><div>"Hey, some of you are rude betches.  Let's discuss" is generally not an awesome way to start a conversation.  Just sayin'.</div>

lls31

When I first started using these boards, I thought people were being rude.  After a few weeks of lurking, I realized that they're not.  Many of these women have had their weddings already and they know what works and what doesn't.  They're trying to help those posters with bad ideas (or bad etiquette) realize that their ideas are bad so they don't end up with a shitshow for a wedding. 

cwaggoner07

I feel like we get one of these posts every month. YAWN.

zantster

I won't lie.  The truth can hurt sometimes.  It can feel like being slapped in the face and is not fun to read.  But on the other hand it can be a good awakening if you realize something about yourself that family and friends won't tell you.  LingerLonger knows what I mean where I'm concerned. 

For example, it bugged me so much that I was having a large gap between the wedding and reception.  But my FI was cool with it and kept saying the guests would be fine.  So I checked these boards and though the language was pretty harsh about how rude it was I tried to ignore it since my FI was fine, told me not to worry and yes we are bound by our catholic church's schedule. 

But then that damn Stage burst my bubble when she flat out told someone that even the catholic angle was not enough for it to not be rude.  So I finally sheepishly got off my butt yesterday and figured out a way to pull the cocktail hour closer to the end of the ceremony time to significantly narrow the gap to less than an hour instead of the two hours it would have been previously. 

I feel much better about the decision.  But it took a bit of blunt language with no excuses to make me get over wanting to have my cake and eat it too.  So yep, these ladies can be harsh.  But if nothing else they're honest.  And I've never known them to purposely steer anyone wrong.  And usually if you find the same advice over and over for the same thing it's a good bet it's the way to go.

Beads921

Old news. I'll be moving along now.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_is-it-just-me-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:b69aacd6-51de-47a0-95df-f69331067f82Post:80cc48ca-34d2-4f6a-8936-03664ea04017">Re:Is it just me...</a>:
[QUOTE]Phrases you should probably look up: Constructive criticism Bridezilla
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Should also learn that rudeness is not excused by offbeat or avant-garde.

OP - we are going to be on the side of your guests every single time.  Rudeness to them or mistreatment of family and friends are always going to be called out and sometimes in harsh terms - esp. if people are defending the rudeness.

samantha24p

Oh god. I'm sick of these kind of posts. The girls on this site are not mean, nor bridezillas they are honest. I'd rather them be honest with me even if we don't always see eye to eye.

cwaggoner07

I'd rather get butthurt by strangers that whispered about by family and friends.

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to Re:Is it just me...:[QUOTE]I'd rather get butthurt by strangers that whispered about by family and friends. Posted by cwaggoner07[/QUOTE]

But Cwag, you know that if your family and friends REALLY LOVED YOU they would just be so damned happy about your speshul snowflake princess day that they would NEVER say ANYTHING bad about you, and they would totally understand that the reason you only fed them cheese crackers at dinner time and excluded their boyfriends and girlfriends from the guest list, was because of your budget, and in these hard economic times, no one could possibly hold any of this against you. If they judge you for being on a budget, it just means they don't really love you, so they shouldn't be at your wedding anyway!

Did I hit enough butthurt newb cliches there?

zantster

Thanks.  I kept thinking about how I would feel if I was put in that position and didn't like it at all.  I spoke to the church today too and it looks like we'll be able to do both pics and a receiving line at the church so that should kill some time and then by the time people arrive at the hotel for cocktail hour there will be no gap whatsoever!  I'm so happy that our guests will not be looking around at each other like uhhh what now?  And I appreciate you always keeping it real.

cwaggoner07

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_is-it-just-me-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:b69aacd6-51de-47a0-95df-f69331067f82Post:79a178cc-1ffa-446e-8415-b09bf633a85c">Re:Is it just me...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Is it just me...: But Cwag, you know that if your family and friends REALLY LOVED YOU they would just be so damned happy about your speshul snowflake princess day that they would NEVER say ANYTHING bad about you, and they would totally understand that the reason you only fed them <strong>cheese crackers</strong> at dinner time and excluded their boyfriends and girlfriends from the guest list, was because of your budget, and in these hard economic times, no one could possibly hold any of this against you. If they judge you for being on a budget, it just means they don't really love you, so they shouldn't be at your wedding anyway! Did I hit enough butthurt newb cliches there?
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]

Um it was shrimp bruschetta apps made by my friend. Because my reception was klassy.

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to Re:Is it just me...:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Is it just me...:In Response to Re:Is it just me...: Um it was shrimp bruschetta apps made by my friend. Because my reception was klassy. Posted by cwaggoner07[/QUOTE]

And you stored it in the freezer at your dad's mortuary to keep it cold for the reception, right?

samantha24p

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_is-it-just-me-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:b69aacd6-51de-47a0-95df-f69331067f82Post:2ee922ad-09cd-476c-a30b-20caef174aaf">Re:Is it just me...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Is it just me...:

And you stored it in the freezer at your dad's mortuary to keep it cold for the reception, right?
Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]



Omg I forgot about that. Haha what ever happened to her? Was it Judy?

SpazzUnscripted

One: Not "bullsiht." Seriously didn't want to start fights. I will defend myself, though, since y'all seem so displeased that I dare point out your rudeness.

Two: I never said people shouldn't state their opinions. If you think my idea is crap, do say so--but you can't deny that people are downright rude in the way that they do it. I've never seen a message board so unkind and unsupportive (and for the comments I'm sure to get that say "Well leave if you're not happy then," I am. This will likely be my last post.)

Three: Wow, that was fast. In under 24 hours, there were 22 comments all saying essentially the same thing with varying degrees of bitchery ("Bullsiht you're not trying to start anything"=bitchery).

Four: If you get these comments frequently as some of you have pointed out, I'm sorry--you can see by my post count that I'm new around here. Did you expect me to go through months of board pages to make sure my content was a zillion percent original?

Five: If you get these comments frequently, maybe that should tell you something. Like you should tone down on the rudeness.

Six: Constructive criticism: (dictionary.com) "criticism or advice that is useful and intended to help or improve something, often with an offer of possible solutions."

"Those colors are ugly" or "that proposal idea is just weird" are not constructive. Saying the same thing everyone else has said (but usually more rudely) is not constructive.

Six: Bridezilla: (dictionary.com) "a bride-to-be who focuses so much on the event that she becomes difficult or obnoxious." Okay, I did use this one wrong. I was referring more to being so hung up on little details, extremely opinionated, and (yes) obnoxious about it.

Seven: I can understand warning people against something that might make guests uncomfortable. But when it comes to something like a color scheme, a cake theme, a song of choice, a harmless game, calm the hell down. You can dislike it without being an ass about it.

Eight: If three people have already expressed an opinion, do you really need to state it again?

samantha24p

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_is-it-just-me-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:b69aacd6-51de-47a0-95df-f69331067f82Post:057d57d4-d2f4-4b17-ae8f-270f742f5ca7">Re: Is it just me...</a>:
[QUOTE]One: Not "bullsiht." Seriously didn't want to start fights. I will defend myself, though, since y'all seem so displeased that I dare point out your rudeness. Two: I never said people shouldn't state their opinions. If you think my idea is crap, do say so--but you can't deny that people are downright rude in the way that they do it. I've never seen a message board so unkind and unsupportive (and for the comments I'm sure to get that say "Well leave if you're not happy then," I am. This will likely be my last post.) Three: Wow, that was fast. In under 24 hours, there were 22 comments all saying essentially the same thing with varying degrees of bitchery ("Bullsiht you're not trying to start anything"=bitchery). Four: If you get these comments frequently as some of you have pointed out, I'm sorry--you can see by my post count that I'm new around here. Did you expect me to go through months of board pages to make sure my content was a zillion percent original? Five: If you get these comments frequently, maybe that should tell you something. Like you should tone down on the rudeness. Six: Constructive criticism : (dictionary.com) "criticism or advice that is useful and intended to help or improve something, often with an offer of possible solutions." "Those colors are ugly" or "that proposal idea is just weird" are not constructive. Saying the same thing everyone else has said (but usually more rudely) is not constructive. Six: Bridezilla: (dictionary.com) "a bride-to-be who focuses so much on the event that she becomes difficult or obnoxious." Okay, I did use this one wrong. I was referring more to being so hung up on little details, extremely opinionated, and (yes) obnoxious about it. Seven: I can understand warning people against something that might make guests uncomfortable. But when it comes to something like a color scheme, a cake theme, a song of choice, a harmless game, calm the hell down. You can dislike it without being an ass about it. Eight: If three people have already expressed an opinion, do you really need to state it again?    
Posted by SpazzUnscripted[/QUOTE]



1. This is a public forum so if everyone wants to post the same thing, they can
2. I'm pretty sure no one was rude to you, but that might change
3. If you make rude comments about the girls here they are going to make rude comments back
4. I have gotten great advice from a lot of these girls and if they don't agree with me they tell me but that doesn't mean they are mean or rude
5. If someone keeps posting the same thing expecting different opinions yes we get annoyed and might be a little less pleasent.
6. Most of who the girls are rude to are MUD or Trolls.
7. If you don't want people getting mad and being mean then don't call us out without knowing us or call us bridezillas.


I mean no disrespect but where you shocked by everyone's reactions? You came on here calling us out and calling us names. Most of these girls are pretty awesome and caring. I get more info and support here and then from some of my family or friends. So you felt attacked from us? Well you came here and threw the first punch.

GoodLuckBear14

"Bullshite you're not trying to start something" is not bitchy, it is responding to a taunt.  Your opening comment was akin to saying "I'm not racist/bigoted/etc."  If it were true, you wouldn't have needed to say it.

We do get these comments sometimes and we take into account the source.  More than 90% of the time it is from someone who has been told that she is being rude to her guests, mistreating her WP or generally being unreasonable.  Or it is directed at a Captain Save-A-Newb who comes in guns blazing to validate a really bad idea :"Don't listen to these bitches.  If you want to have a honeymoon registry/make your BMs pay for anything you want, go ahead. It's YOUR DAY."

I've been here a little less time than Stage but I would love for you to point to any thread where posters were rude over something as superficial as color schemes (unless it was something like neon pink and neon yellow that would give guests headaches) or cakes.

We have no emotional investment in you.  We see things from the perspective of the guests and the people around you.  If you want a site where people never ever tell you that you are going to insult someone or make them think poorly of you and your FI, then clearly this is not the place for you.  Personally, I'm glad that a bunch of strangers stopped us from doing a couple of things at our wedding.

lifeonthehill

I agree with OP. No offense but if you guys aren't being rude on other posts some of you are on this one. 

samantha24p

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_is-it-just-me-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:b69aacd6-51de-47a0-95df-f69331067f82Post:828e25c3-b7f7-4815-9c56-186226bcf516">Re: Is it just me...</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree with OP. No offense but if you guys aren't being rude on other posts some of you are on this one. 
Posted by alyssaames[/QUOTE]



And OP wasn't rude calling us out and calling us bridezillas?

lifeonthehill

Never said she wasn't rude as well for saying that but I do agree that I see a lot of posts that dont give any advice just say the bride has a reaslly bad idea. Not exactly helpful.

bridalmarch

Bridezilla is in the dictionary? My little writer heart just skipped a beat. 

bridalmarch

For what it's worth, here is my take. I'm relatively new here, and I'm in a new world. I've never addressed formal invitations. I've never know the appropriate etiquette for a lot of the wedding party stuff. I ask so I'll know. The other day, I asked a question about groomsman attire. I wrote my question eloquently (I hope) and I asked respectfully. People answered that I was in the wrong for not nailing down a budget. Instead of getting all "whateva, whateva, I do what I want!!!!" , I thanked them. If you ask, be prepared for the answer. There are thousands of people here, and their main priority is not kissing ass. 

If you are polite, people will be polite, even if they (gasp!) disagree with you. Our first dance is "offbeat". If you search through my history, you won't find a single post about it. We are confident in that choice and we don't need validation on it. Will it be to every single guests taste? No. But it's not a disrespectful song, it's appropriate for the children who will be in attendance, and it's a bit of fun that we think speaks to us as a couple. 

I'm newish, but I've yet to see anyone get truly bullied. We are all grownups. Grownups disagree. There is a difference between being rude, disagreeing, and bullying. It serves well to remember that. 

samantha24p

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_is-it-just-me-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:b69aacd6-51de-47a0-95df-f69331067f82Post:66ab430b-2002-450d-b655-889e84da6f8b">Re: Is it just me...</a>:
[QUOTE]For what it's worth, here is my take. I'm relatively new here, and I'm in a new world. I've never addressed formal invitations. I've never know the appropriate etiquette for a lot of the wedding party stuff. I ask so I'll know. The other day, I asked a question about groomsman attire. I wrote my question eloquently (I hope) and I asked respectfully. People answered that I was in the wrong for not nailing down a budget. Instead of getting all "whateva, whateva, I do what I want!!!!" , I thanked them. If you ask, be prepared for the answer. There are thousands of people here, and their main priority is not kissing ass.  If you are polite, people will be polite, even if they (gasp!) disagree with you. Our first dance is "offbeat". If you search through my history, you won't find a single post about it. We are confident in that choice and we don't need validation on it. Will it be to every single guests taste? No. But it's not a disrespectful song, it's appropriate for the children who will be in attendance, and it's a bit of fun that we think speaks to us as a couple.  I'm newish, but I've yet to see anyone get truly bullied. We are all grownups. Grownups disagree. There is a difference between being rude, disagreeing, and bullying. It serves well to remember that. 
Posted by bridalmarch[/QUOTE]




I was wondering where you were. You and Stage always say it best.

samantha24p

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_is-it-just-me-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:b69aacd6-51de-47a0-95df-f69331067f82Post:4e3df453-32c3-4707-9f35-3f551287ec5f">Re: Is it just me...</a>:
[QUOTE]alyssaames is having a potluck wedding reception.....yet calls  US rude????
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]



Yeah I did see that

csonnie

SpazzUnscripted, I totally agree with you! Yes everyone is entitled to their own opioion but you DO NOT by any means have to be so RUDE, it is uncalled for.
My first post on this website people were so mean and I was reluctant to write on here again because I couldn't believe how rude everybody was.
You rRUDE (and you know who you are) PEOPLE need to lighten up, its not that serious, dont get your panties all in a bunch and don't give your opioion if it's going to be so negative!!

csonnie

StageManger14, yes I was referring to the on on this board, and yes I decided to it deleted because people was being complete A**holes. I don't think they understood what I was saying, because I wasn't trying to make my parents help me. But I guess that is the risk you run when putting things on this website, you get comments from rude, inconsiderate people, who could care less. So, go do something productive with your time instead of going to check out my priors posts. Thanks darling!!

samantha24p

Csonnie I feel like you're trying to start something...