Should I tell FI?

crystaldbl

I'm going to try to make this short so I hope it doesn't get confusing.

My brother lived with FI and I for about 4 years. About 8 months ago things got so bad between all of us that I let my brother know it was time for him to move out. My brother and best friend of about 6 years started dating about a year ago. The other day she called me crying. She said she didn't want to start any trouble but she felt like she had to tell me about some things my brother had said to her. I guess they had gotten into an argument about FI and I and my brother had said something about killing FI. She was extremely upset by it. She said that the way he said it and the anger he had when speaking about us concerned her. I don't know if I should tell My FI. Part of me thinks yes. That FI should know to watch his back around my brother. The other part of me knows my brother. He is a trouble maker. He wants to get a reaction from my FI or me. He wants us to seem like the unstable ones. What do you all think? Should I tell FI?

SlothGoals

I think that you should tell him but after that drop it. If you think he said it to get some sort of reaction out of you the best thing you can do is ignore it.

audrewuh

I'd ignore it only because it sounds like it was said in the heat of the moment and he's looking for a reaction. You don't want to put your FI and brother against each other just because your brother said something stupid when he was angry. 

If anything, I'd say something to my brother. More along the lines of, WTF bro? Why are you saying stuff like that? 

crystaldbl

In Response to Re:Should I tell FI?:[QUOTE]I'd ignore it only because it sounds like it was said in the heat of the moment and he's looking for a reaction. You don't want to put your FI and brother against each other just because your brother said something stupid when he was angry.nbsp;If
anything, I'd say something to my
brother. More along the lines of, WTF
bro? Why are you saying stuff like that?
nbsp; Posted by audrewuh[/QUOTE]


Unfortunately this is not the first thing that has been said. Things got really bad before my brother moved out. FI has been really good about staying out of it even though most of the insults were directed at FI. The only time FI got involved was when my brother called me some awful names. I just don't know when FI is going to get to the point that he's had enough.

Peledreamsofrain

Honestly, it would depend on what was said.  If your brother is making physical threats against the both of you, and you think there's a real chance he'll follow through (IE he's a violent person who has done so before), then ABSOLUTELY tell your FI.

However, if he's just a loud blowhard who is just obnoxious, then don't get involved in his Jerry Springer nonsense.  I find that stuff to be very meh, and not worth feeding at all.

QueerFemme

In Response to Re:Should I tell FI?:[QUOTE]I'm going to try to make this short so I hope it doesn't get confusing.

My brother lived with FI and I for about 4 years. About 8 months ago things got so bad between all of us that I let my brother know it was time for him to move out. My brother and best friend of about 6 years started dating about a year ago. The other day she called me crying. She said she didn't want to start any trouble but she felt like she had to tell me about some things my brother had said to her. I guess they had gotten into an argument about FI and I and my brother had said something about killing FI. She was extremely upset by it. She said that the way he said it and the anger he had when speaking about us concerned her. I don't know if I should tell My FI. Part of me thinks yes. That FI should know to watch his back around my brother. The other part of me knows my brother. He is a trouble maker. He wants to get a reaction from my FI or me. He wants us to seem like the unstable ones. What do you all think? Should I tell FI? Posted by crystaldbl[/QUOTE]


I would absolutely tell him. If the situation were reversed and someone threatened your life, and your FI didn't tell you, wouldn't you feel betrayed?

MoonlightSilver

Absolutely tell him, and then make a decision as a couple to not react to your brother's words.

renegade gaucho

Is your friend still dating your brother?  If so, I would also encourage her to break up with him.  I can't imagine why she would find a guy like that attractive, but I'd be very worried for her emotional health and physical safety in a relationship with someone like that.

Angelface225

I would also be documenting these threats, keeping track of dates and times. In case he actually follows through on anything, so you can establish that is is a pattern. I would absolutely tell your FI, if only so that you're not stressing about this on your own.

misssunshine17

Of course you should tell him. I'd also change your locks if he has a key/ knows where to find a spare.

crystaldbl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_should-i-tell-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:b6a223a2-dbfe-48af-bd62-6d483221ce03Post:d36f7b7d-710f-4172-986b-c33ee910fde5">Re: Should I tell FI?</a>:
[QUOTE]Is your friend still dating your brother?  If so, I would also encourage her to break up with him.  I can't imagine why she would find a guy like that attractive, but I'd be very worried for her emotional health and physical safety in a relationship with someone like that.
Posted by renegade gaucho[/QUOTE]

She actually did break up with him. I had told her of previous incidents but this is the first time she has seen first hand how angry he can be. I think until this incident she thought it was just a normal brother/sister squabble thing.

winelover123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_should-i-tell-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:b6a223a2-dbfe-48af-bd62-6d483221ce03Post:ded0b25e-9b41-4c94-8a5d-1e9da5826ff5">Re: Should I tell FI?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should I tell FI? : She actually did break up with him. I had told her of previous incidents but this is the first time she has seen first hand how angry he can be. I think until this incident she thought it was just a normal brother/sister squabble thing.
Posted by crystaldbl[/QUOTE]

I'm glad she did break up with him. I think you should tell your FI - wouldn't you be pissed if the situation were reversed? I also agree with misssunshine - change your locks asap. Even if it was just something said in the heat of the argument, it's not a bad idea to change them.

renegade gaucho

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_should-i-tell-fi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:b6a223a2-dbfe-48af-bd62-6d483221ce03Post:ded0b25e-9b41-4c94-8a5d-1e9da5826ff5">Re: Should I tell FI?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should I tell FI? : She actually did break up with him. I had told her of previous incidents but this is the first time she has seen first hand how angry he can be. I think until this incident she thought it was just a normal brother/sister squabble thing.
Posted by crystaldbl[/QUOTE]

I'm glad to hear that.  I'm so sorry that you have to deal with all of this.