Vent....

maribeth721

So FI and I do not live together. This really has nothing to do with morals or not believing in this before marriage, it is just how things worked out. FI owns a home and I rent a townhouse and I have a roommate. We got engaged right after I renewed my lease with my roommate and my lease will be up the week before our wedding. I didn't want to be a jerk to my roommate and just bail so we maintain separate residences. I am the primary on our lease, and I lived there long before she moved in, so most everything (furniture, etc) is mine, and all the bills are in my name. I didn't want to leave her with nothing, that wouldn't be fair. Anyways, because of this all of our finances are separate. We have different cell phone plans, utilities are separate, all that stuff. It's just becoming stressful that we can't combine finances. Our expenses are basically double what they should be because everything is separate. We started moving forward with combining cell phone plans until FI realized his is not up until the end of August. We were going to move to my plan because mine isn't up until December 2012 (we have different carriers so one of us would have to pay a penalty.) Anyways, it's just becoming frustrating, spending all this extra money when we are trying to save for a wedding! Not to mention bouncing back and forth between one another's house all the time. Anyone else in this situation or similar??

Princess0214

It seems like you are ready to start your lives together sooner than later. If you decide to break your lease you should give your roommate enough time to find another place and pay for the expenses to break the lease.

At the same time living together is no walk in the park. If it is at all possible try and wait it out until after the wedding day to live together. 

Ali092011

I don't blame you for being stressed out! It is hard to save for a wedding when you have all these expenses you see as unnecessary.

I'm sure you've grown to think of your roommate as a friend, and it is never fun to feel like you're screwing someone over, but she should be expecting this. It would be crazy if she hadn't at least thought about what she is going to do when you get married.

Like PP said, give her plenty of notice as soon as you decide on your moving date, and let her work everything out.

KarleeKrause35

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_vent-11?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:b7fcdde0-7135-4382-bed7-7a90c342f92ePost:dec7c027-0a7a-4fc4-a21b-8274f530b1d9">Re: Vent....</a>:
[QUOTE]It seems like you are ready to start your lives together sooner than later. If you decide to break your lease you should give your roommate enough time to find another place and pay for the expenses to break the lease. <strong>At the same time living together is no walk in the park. If it is at all possible try and wait it out until after the wedding day to live together. 
</strong>Posted by Princess0214[/QUOTE]


I think this is silly for the exact reasons yaga specified. It's not like they sign a marriage license and that eliminates all potential problems. A marriage license is also not a guarantee. It's not like she can say "Hee hee, you can't go back NOW! Here's all my annoying habits!"

RamonaFlowers

To the PP that said living together should be put off until after the wedding because it's "no walk in the park", if you seriously think it's going to be that difficult to live with somebody, you shouldn't be marrying them at all. I'm not saying there's no adjustment period when people move in together, but seriously, getting married does not change what living with a person will be like-they still are who they are after you say "I do".

Anyway, OP, if combining money is really important to you (And it seems like it is from a savings standpoint), then you guys should be taking the steps to make that happen. I've never rented before, but is there a way to work something out with your landlord that would make her the primary, so she would only need to find a new room mate?Regardless if that can or can't be done, give her a fair amount of notice that you wish to move out by x date, so she can start making arrangements for herself-whether it's finding a new place to live, or somebody else to move in.

As for being hit with penalty fees on your phones/other bills, you need to sit down and do the math: how much money will you be spending between now and when the contract is up? Does it work out to more or less money than the cancellation fee? If you're going to be paying more over time by paying the bill every month until you can't be penalized (Which is most likely the case), just bite the bullet and knock yourselves down to one bill. Sure, it's a larger sum up front, but in the long run, you'll be saving way more this way.

Queen Jane

One of my roommates moved out and in with her FI for all the reasons you mentioned above. She gave me 2 months notice, it was no big deal. I put out an ad and found someone else. If you are ready to move in with him, I would try to do it.

maribeth721

To clarify, we always stay at one another's houses. We have no worries about living together - hence why we are getting married. It is just frustrating that it's really hard to save money with separate bills

MyNameIsNot

I agree that you ought to talk to the roommate.  She's going to have to figure something out anyway.  Maybe she doesn't want to move and would be happy to find another roommate to take over your half of the rent.  If she refuses, you're still on the hook for the lease, but she may be willing to work with you so that she doesn't have to move.

acaponi87

I made the move in with my back in August. It was rough becasue we lived 5 hours away (and in different states). I'm a teacher so I had to redo all of my certification. My lease was up in September but I moved down in August because of the school year.

It was a pain, but worth it. Unfortunately I wasn't able to find a full-time job for the school year but we had discussed that possibility and decided it still made more sense financially to be living together. Even if I didn't have a full-time job I can sub around here and get my name around schools in the area. It's better than paying twice the rent and paying all the gas money we were spending to visit each other.

Like PP's said, explore your options. Talk to the roommate, look at your lease carefully. Sorry that's going on..I hope you can make the move soon.

maribeth721

We already talked - She will be moving into a much smaller place when our lease is up as she will be living alone, without a roommate. She doesn't have anyone to ask to move in. Our place now is a town home and too expensive to afford on her own. We are both on the lease so neither of us can bail. I was more or less expressing my frustration on the sitatution. My roommate and I are very close friends and have been for a long time. She is actually one of my BMs. When I leave I am taking everything with me - if I left she would have nothing. Thanks for the advice ladies.

Princess0214

I am sorry, what I meant by living with someone is no walk in the park is there is an adjustment period that can be a little stressful. It is different from staying over one another’s place. 

 

My FI and I live together and we are wonderful. But it was not easy at first. I took some adjustments on both parts. We live as a married couple, just haven’t had the ceremony. It's not bad just takes work. Too many times people rush into things for the sake of convenience, without realizing all the challenges ahead.

 

Thanks PP for addressing that, I worded the comment incorrectly. 

Hilraythebride

Talk to your roomate and see what she thinks, she will at some point have to get her own furnature and stuff to move somewhere else with.  I broke two leases in my life and it ended up fine, we lost the security deposit bc he wasn't able to get anyone to move in until a few months later but they were toally cool with it.  It happens more often than you think!

My FI and I were doing the same thing bouncing back and forth to eachothers houses. I lived down the street from my work so towards the end of our living seperately I was using my apt as a closet and shower!  Would take a shower, get dressed and ready, and leave for work than d the same after I got out to go back down to his house!

We weren't engaged when we first moved in but I am glad we have made the decision to live together.  I know people on both sides of the fence living together and not living together before marriage.  For me, I am glad I did it before marriage because it did take an adjustment period to get used to living with a guy (only ever had a sister and mother parents are divorced since I can remember).  

For me, it was the right thinf to do to save money like you are saying and also to avoid having the adjustment period coinside with the adjustment period of being maried.  Although you think it won't be any different you may feel societal pressures of being a "married" couples

Best of luck in your future

HH