Chit Chat

Personal Attendant Misery

I was asked to be a personal attendant in my boyfriends brothers wedding.  I have known the bride for two years now and I want to know if I have a right to be upset.  The bride asked me to set up the center pieces for the reception with the groom after which I took her to the wedding venue.  She went inside to hide from everyone and left me with the flowers for the wedding party.  She didn't explain to me who got what, including the groom, bridal party, parents etc.  I was asked to play the music for the wedding with an ipod through an intercome system which I learned at the rehearsal, i set up the "sand ceremony" stuff, carted the whole wedding parties bags around during the pictures.  The bride and groom took pictures with her side of the family and her brother's girlfriend of less than one year was in the picture, they then took pictures of his side of the family and even though I have been with her brother in law for two years I was not included in the picture.  I took care of the guest book and when I told her I was going to take them to her room she said "can you take the presents too"  I was not included in the program nor was I given a present at the rehearsal dinner.  I just feel like I was taken advantage of because she knows I would do anything for her.  Is this the appropriate way to treat the Personal attendant and I am just being overly sensitive or was it wrong?

Re: Personal Attendant Misery

  • Well I am against PAs overall because, as your situation illustrates, many times they just become the bride's biiitch. I would feel taken advantage of as well. She treated you really crappy and basically got free labor out of you so she didn't have to hire a day of coordinator who would normally take care of all that stuff.


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  • Well, technically, it is the appropriate way to treat a personal attendant.... which is why personal attendants are one of the worst, rudest jobs you can come up with for someone who's supposed to be a guest at your wedding.  You got had, sister.  Next time someone asks you to do this job, just say no.
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  • Actually, like the others have said, this is how PAs are treated.  Instead of hiring a DOC like the couple should, the PA is the Bride's B*tch for the Day.  Since you might be family with this woman some day, I will not give my normal advice of sending her a bill for your services.  If you do marry your BF, the evil part of me does suggest making her your PA for your wedding - not because it is the right thing to do, but because it is the perfect revenge.
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  • She'd probably say no.

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  • What I should have said more clearly is that while I understand that it is the personal attendants job to basically be a b**** for a day what I found inappropriate in the treatment was the picture and the fact that she didn't give me a gift or a card or even a thank you.  Not only did I act as her "personal attendant" but then was put into the roll of playing the music for the wedding as well. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_personal-attendant-misery?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:bcba240f-a77b-44b9-878e-d84f251f4316Post:687b13e1-a38e-48e3-84c4-2162b118c7d2">Re: Personal Attendant Misery</a>:
    [QUOTE]What I should have said more clearly is that while I understand that it is the personal attendants job to basically be a b**** for a day what I found inappropriate in the treatment was the picture and the fact that she didn't give me a gift or a card or even a thank you.  Not only did I act as her "personal attendant" but then was put into the roll of playing the music for the wedding as well. 
    Posted by 3238437509311[/QUOTE]

    I would feel pretty insulted if someone did this to me.  I also find it very inappropriate and tacky that she was not thoughtful enough to give you a nice card or thank you note with a small gift....maybe a gift card to a restaurant or something simple.  It is a nice gesture to thank someone for everything they have done for you.  Sadly, this is a lesson learned for you.  It really shows the brides true character that she wasn't being more thoughtful with everything you did for her.

     

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Basically you were her free DOC for her wedding day.  Congrats!

  • Yep, you saved her anywhere up to $500.

  • aw hon, you got had big time!

    I'd never even heard of a personal attendant until the knot and I do think it's terrible taking advantage of a person who cares about you & your wedding.

    You should have been paid, the hell with the pictures!  And you'e not unreasonable to expect even that.
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