About to pull out my hair!

Smendes312

I have been engaged for one month, and I am about to pull out my hair. I am going to have a very small wedding (only ten people) and those ten people are also annoying me. My future in-laws have already told me which month they want me to have the wedding (which is not going to happen), but my parents are REALLY annoying me! I live with my parents, I am 22 and in graduate school, and they have already started telling me when I will get married and how and all the details. I feel like being HELLO!!!! its MY wedding! 

Idk what to do anymore! It is very hard because I have to see them almost everyday, but I am going crazy! Is there anything I can do? Oh and I refuse to do anything anyone is telling me because I know what I want. Oh, and they talk as if they were paying for the wedding (which they are not!)

Any advice to help me relax? I am sooo upset! Anyone else also having the same problem? 

SarahPLiz

Just tell them that you appreciate their suggestions and that you'll take them into consideration when you make final decisions. Its nice to take your family's wishes into consideration during your planning, but unless they are paying they don't get to decide anything. 

Smendes312

I feel like I have taken their wishes into consideration my whole life, and that this should only be my and my future husband's decision to make. They are getting to the point that when people ask when we getting married, they answer. Oh, and they give the wrong month/year. We are getting married in Nov. 2011 and they give sometime in 2012. My parents then proceed to say that we need to save up more, and the whole story. My fiancée and I will be pretty comfortable financially when we get married, but my parents reaction is so not called for.  

SarahPLiz

Maybe your parents are saying the wrong date because they don't want the awkwardness of explaining to people why they aren't invited. If it was 11/11, they'd be looking for STDs or invitations soon. Or they want you to wait. 

Either way, go ahead and correct them, and stand up for yourself. When I said to consider them, I meant by setting a date that is courteous to their schedules, etc.. not necessarily doing everything they want you to do. 

orangecrush32

Don't talk about wedding plans with them and anytime they bring it up change the subject.

AudgiePodge

Elope. Problem(s) solved.

M&R7111

I was getting annoyed at first because it seemed that EVERYONE had an opinion about some aspect of the wedding.  I felt that, for some reason, it would be rude of me not to take their advice.

I've had it from religious issues (or lack thereof) to BMs dress colors from my FMIL.

I learned to just say "thanks, I'll think about it" and then ignore the suggestion (unless I found it useful).  For me, I realized that at the end of that crazy day, I'll be married to my husband and if someone didn't like the date, dress colors, location of the reception, it really won't mean a thing.

I also learned that sharing details of the wedding often resulted in unwanted suggestions.

M&R7111

I see what you're saying because I also have religious disputes with our wedding.  We have even been threatened by FI's dad that he won't show if it's not a Catholic ceremony.  FMIL is upset about my choice of BM dresses and that I don't want to do favors...the complaints never seem to end!
 
My suggestion to you is to plan your wedding the way you want, don't share any details unless you want suggestions and comments, and don't accept money to pay for any part of the wedding from either family (unless it's a gift) to avoid having strings attached.  But, there will be comments, probably many of them and many that will annoy the heck out of you.  You need to let it roll off your back or you risk causing arguments and holding grudges - which should never be the result of a wedding. 

If a family member wants to be mad or hold a grudge about some aspect of your wedding (i.e. religious matters), that's their issue.  Don't start fights and get yourself angry about wedding nonsense. 

PPs are giving good advice to smile, say "I'll take that into consideration" then change the subject.  It worked with FMIL - she rarely asks about our wedding now - and she use to call once a week!

Smendes312

Thanks for your advice M&R! I really appreciate it, going to put it in good use!