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Daddy Troubles!

Okay gals, I need help.
So, I've just turned twenty this past year and this Christmas, my boyfriend of five years asked me to marry him! It was an incredibly sweet proposal, just the two of us decorating my family's Christmas tree. Of course, I said yes!
However, I had made the point that I'd prefer he asked my dad for permission and later, after the shock faded, I asked him what he said. My poor fiance told me my dad never really said whether or not he gave his permission, and that my dad only jokingly asked if my fiance was sure that was a good idea. So, after telling the rest of the family, I hesitantly talked to my dad about our engagement. He thinks I should finish school before I get married. I totally understand and plan on finishing up the first part of college before I do tie the knot. Not only that, but while my future in-laws and their family are thrilled, but my side seems to be more reluctant about the whole ordeal. But in spite of all this, shouldn't he, along with the rest of my family, be happy for me?

It's really putting a damper on our happiness and not at all how I'd imagined our engagement would go! Any advice?

Re: Daddy Troubles!

  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_daddy-troubles?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:bebb207e-54f5-422f-96d8-2435b2413ae6Post:bb494971-c747-4034-94c0-5c264b78c36e">Daddy Troubles!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Okay gals, I need help. So, I've just turned twenty this past year and this Christmas, my boyfriend of five years asked me to marry him! It was an incredibly sweet proposal, just the two of us decorating my family's Christmas tree. Of course, I said yes! However, I had made the point that I'd prefer he asked my dad for permission and later, after the shock faded, I asked him what he said. My poor fiance told me my dad never really said whether or not he gave his permission, and that my dad only jokingly asked if my fiance was sure that was a good idea. So, after telling the rest of the family, I hesitantly talked to my dad about our engagement. He thinks I should finish school before I get married. I totally understand and plan on finishing up the first part of college before I do tie the knot. Not only that, but while my future in-laws and their family are thrilled, but my side seems to be more reluctant about the whole ordeal. But in spite of all this, shouldn't he, along with the rest of my family, be happy for me? It's really putting a damper on our happiness and not at all how I'd imagined our engagement would go! Any advice?
    Posted by Jayne_18[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>He's your father, and he only wants what's best for you.  He probably knows you well enough to know that getting married at 20 (or 21) will probably ruin your life.  So no, he doesn't have to be happy for you if he thinks it is a mistake.  </div><div>
    </div><div>Talk to your father, as well as other family members, about their concerns.  They aren't reluctant because they want you to be sad, it is because they have concerns.  If you are adult enough to get married, you are adult enough to discuss those concerns.  

    </div>
  • First of all congrats on the engagement! Secondly, I can totally see where your dad is coming from and just because he's concerned about you doesn't mean he's not happy about your engagement. I'm sure your dad is just looking out for your future and your happiness. Waiting until you graduate from college is a great idea for a couple reasons. 1. It's going to be difficult and stressful to try to plan a wedding while studying for final exams. 2. If you know you want to marry someone at 20 years old, why not wait until you've completed school, grown up a bit and moved in the real world with a degree and a real job.

    Try to talking to your dad also. I'm sure he's happy for you, but like any dad, he just wants the best for his daughter.
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  • Most parents want their children to finish college before they get married. So I can understand why your father is upset. Personally, I agree that couples should wait until they have a education/ career. Money issues cause tons of problems in a marriage. Can you support yourself yet?  Do or either of you have a career yet? Marrying young is really hard. Why rush?  20 years old is very young to get married.

    Plus, college opens you up to tons of experiences that change who you are. In my experiences, most of the highschool couples that started college together did not graduate together.

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  • Just talk to your dad.  It sounds like he wants you to finish school... and you said you will, so that shouldn't be a big deal.  Talk to him about your plans, like when you will finish school and when you think the date will be. 

    Dads can be weird too.  My dad adores my H, but when he asked for permission to marry me my dad just said "Well, we've been expecting this."  My H was so upset and confused.  My mom then knocked some sense into my dad and he called my FI and gave his blessing.  My dad just wasn't ready for me to be grown-up... and I was 25. 
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  • What does "finish up the first part of college" mean exactly?

    I'm a mom of three adult children and I am completely on your dad's side.  All of our children are college grads:  two also have master's degrees.  I know that if, heaven forbid, something should happen, they have the tools to support themselves.

    I would not have supported a marriage at the age of 20.  I would have told them that if the relationship is right, it will still be right after obtaining their education.  If it wasn't right and couldn't withstand the couple more years it takes to have a degree, then you've saved yourself the pain of a failed marriage.

    I'm going to bet that it wasn't easy for dad to give a "non answer" to your FI.  But he's doing it in your best interest.  Stay engaged if you must.  Just don't set a date until after you've earned your degree.  Your full degree.  Not the first part of it.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_daddy-troubles?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:bebb207e-54f5-422f-96d8-2435b2413ae6Post:f5eeff52-80a1-4a59-a8f2-c0ec4aa02c5f">Re: Daddy Troubles!</a>:
    [QUOTE]What does "finish up the first part of college" mean exactly?
    Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

    My bet? It means finish one semester, then take time off to plan the wedding because everybody knows that's a full-time job in and of itself, and then just never go back.
  • I'm wondering if "first part of college" means an associates rather than a bachelor's. 

    Get your degree FIRST, then get married.  Yes, some people manage to do both but it is typically much harder. It becomes much easier to drop out for a quarter or a semester with the intention of going back but life and money often get in the way.  No time for school because work and possibly children get in the way, no money because of paying for a house, cars, kids, etc. 

    Also, if you get married before finishing school your financial aid situation changes. You may not quality for the same financial aid.  You'll also be responsible for your own insurance so if one or both of you don't have a job(s) that provide insurance you'll have to purchase it on your own and that is very expensive. Your school might offer insurance plans but you'd still have to purchase it out-of-pocket.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_daddy-troubles?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:bebb207e-54f5-422f-96d8-2435b2413ae6Post:d4b86356-e71d-4ae6-822b-29dc222917d1">Re: Daddy Troubles!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Most parents want their children to finish college before they get married. So I can understand why your father is upset. Personally, I agree that couples should wait until they have a education/ career. Money issues cause tons of problems in a marriage. Can you support yourself yet?  Do or either of you have a career yet? Marrying young is really hard. Why rush?  20 years old is very young to get married. Plus, college opens you up to tons of experiences that change who you are. In my experiences, most of the highschool couples that started college together did not graduate together.
    Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

    I agree with all of this. Honestly, it wouldn't hold much weight with me that you've been together for 5 years considering that means you were 15 when you started dating. You (collective) don't really know who you are until you're older, have experienced more, aren't basing relationships off of hormones. Sure, not everyone is like that and many people live long and happy lives with their high school sweethearts, but it's rare in my opinion.

    I say at least get your Bachelors (assuming that's what you mean by "first part") before getting married.
  • I agree with pp's. I would definitely have a long engagement and get through school and stuff before you proceed with the wedding.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_daddy-troubles?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:bebb207e-54f5-422f-96d8-2435b2413ae6Post:f5eeff52-80a1-4a59-a8f2-c0ec4aa02c5f">Re: Daddy Troubles!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would have told them that if the relationship is right, it will still be right after obtaining their education.  If it wasn't right and couldn't withstand the couple more years it takes to have a degree, then you've saved yourself the pain of a failed marriage.

    Just don't set a date until after you've earned your degree.  Your full degree.  Not the first part of it.
    Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

    THIS. I was "engaged" at 20 as well... I am now engaged again to someone totally different. What was easy and wonderful in high school got a lot harder once we moved out, were supporting ourselves through college and trying to figure out financials together. I had no idea how little I knew until I entered the job market... for instance I couldn't read my health insurance plan, had no idea what a 401K actually was, and didn't know how to do my taxes by myself. I'm 27 now and I am so glad that I did the long engagement and waited. Now, I had another friend who did the long engagement to her boyfriend that she'd had since she was 16 and got engaged when she was 21, and they are now happily married... but they waited until they finished their college education.

    Once you do that, once you're actually out on your own and not living on your parents money anymore, that's when you see whether or not you've got a relationship that can make it through marriage. Unfortunately, love does not always cut it.
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  • I got engaged when I was 20, and both FI and I, as well as both sets of parents, understood it would be a 2 year engagement and we wouldn't get married until I was finished with college. Yes, it sucks being engaged for 2 years. There are several couples who got engaged after us who are already married. But I've realized that they do what works for them, and FI and I are doing what works for us. A longer engagement allows you time to save money, as well as grow closer as a couple. It gives you plenty of time to talk about things and figure out who you are as a couple and whether or not you can be with that person forever.

    My dada was a lot like your dad, but now that our wedding is only 10 months out, all of the parents and grandparents are vey excited. You and your FI probably just need to be mature and understanding, and prove as much, before your families will fully accept your engagement.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_daddy-troubles?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:bebb207e-54f5-422f-96d8-2435b2413ae6Post:252177c5-eb31-4020-823c-70f25734f536">Re: Daddy Troubles!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm wondering if "first part of college" means an associates rather than a bachelor's.  Get your degree FIRST, then get married.  Yes, some people manage to do both but it is typically much harder. It becomes much easier to drop out for a quarter or a semester with the intention of going back but life and money often get in the way.  No time for school because work and possibly children get in the way, no money because of paying for a house, cars, kids, etc.  Also, if you get married before finishing school your financial aid situation changes. You may not quality for the same financial aid. <strong> You'll also be responsible for your own insurance so if one or both of you don't have a job(s) that provide insurance you'll have to purchase it on your own and that is very expensive.</strong> Your school might offer insurance plans but you'd still have to purchase it out-of-pocket.
    Posted by skippylouwho[/QUOTE]

    I'm getting married next October and started talking to my dad and FI's stepmom about changing insurances (like how to go about it, when to do it, and so on) and both of them told me that they had contacted their different insurance companies and with something Obama did, we can now be married and don't have to be full time at college (we've always had to maintain 12 hours for insurance purposes.) So that was a nice little shock that we can get married and remain on our parents' plans. So I think that rule has changed recently, at least for us it has. If you're already on your parent's insurance, I've heard you can stay. Oh also, instead of dropping you at 24, they're now dropping at 26 :)
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  • Honestly? When I hear of people who haven't finished college getting engaged, I automatically put quotes around it because I can't take it seriously. Maybe your dad feels the same way? 20 is very young to get married. Why not wait until you finish college completely, and THEN start planning? You can stay engaged-- there are no rules on the length of engagement.
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  • I'm going to guess that the "first part" of college means completing an AA with the intention of putting those credits toward a BA.  (I've never understood the point of going that route, but to each their own.)

    DH is actually the reason I went back to college and finished up my final year.  I was on leave until I could bring back enough credits, and though I attempted classes in the fall, a combination of depression and illness caused me to withdraw from all of those, and I missed the deadline to register for spring classes.  I figured I'd take care of all 12 units over the summer.  Then I started dating DH, and when he suggested taking a cruise sometime in the spring, I went online to see when summer classes started, and discovered a few late start classes that covered a semester's worth of material in a shorter time frame.  I was able to finish 9 units in the spring and left only 3 for summer (which was difficult enough to do while working full time), and so was able to return to my home school in the fall as planned. 

    When we got engaged that spring, it was understood that I wouldn't even THINK about starting to plan our wedding until after I'd graduated.  We set a date for two years out so that I could finish up my BA and still have a year-ish to plan.  I did end up starting planning a few months in, but the long time frame meant that I could put the wedding out of my mind for weeks or months at a time if necessary to focus on school stuff without feeling overwhelmed or like I was falling behind.  True, planning a wedding isn't that complicated, but there just wasn't time for it during academic crunch times, not without my grades suffering.  DH was extremely supportive and was possibly even more insistent than I that I should finish my degree.

    What's the point of sharing all that?  Well, I've been sort of where you were (even though I got engaged at 22 and had only been dating DH for five months) and I can definitely say that waiting until well after college to have the wedding was by far the best decision I could have made.  Yeah, two years felt like a very long time, and it kind of sucked, but we got through it just fine (and the long engagement gave me plenty of time to DIY nearly the whole damn thing, which really helped our limited budget).  Hell, one of my friends has been engaged for nearly four years with no wedding date in sight because the money just isn't there.  Such is life, you know?

    You really have nothing to lose by waiting here.  If he really is The One, then it doesn't matter if you do the paperwork in one year or ten, he'll still be there.  Marriage isn't really compatible with being an undergrad.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_daddy-troubles?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:bebb207e-54f5-422f-96d8-2435b2413ae6Post:0c063735-8320-4535-99be-9e43b8bc643d">Re: Daddy Troubles!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm going to guess that the "first part" of college means completing an AA with the intention of putting those credits toward a BA.  (I've never understood the point of going that route, but to each their own.) 
    Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

    <div>Not to threadjack, but when I did this 20 years ago, it was encouraged in California.  You attend a junior college for 2 years, and get your AA in "general ed" taking courses that you can then transfer to either a Cal State school or a Univ of CA.  I saved a lot of money by first going to City College of San Francisco, got my AA and then got my BA at UC Berkeley after transferring.</div><div>
    </div><div>Back to the topic at hand, I'm joining my voice in the chorus.  Sure, get engaged now, but don't get married until after you have finished all of college and have started a career.</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_daddy-troubles?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:bebb207e-54f5-422f-96d8-2435b2413ae6Post:ece5db67-6b53-43d4-888d-5e847e9f9520">Re: Daddy Troubles!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Daddy Troubles! : I'm getting married next October and started talking to my dad and FI's stepmom about changing insurances (like how to go about it, when to do it, and so on) and both of them told me that they had contacted their different insurance companies and <strong>with something Obama did, we can now be married and don't have to be full time at college</strong> (we've always had to maintain 12 hours for insurance purposes.) So that was a nice little shock that we can get married and remain on our parents' plans. So I think that rule has changed recently, at least for us it has. If you're already on your parent's insurance, I've heard you can stay. Oh also, instead of dropping you at 24, they're now dropping at 26 :)
    Posted by Meredith5683[/QUOTE]
    You sound very informed.

    So you can get married, take fewer college classes, AND stay on your parents' insurance plans?  Sounds like a great future you have planned. *sarcasm*
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_daddy-troubles?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:bebb207e-54f5-422f-96d8-2435b2413ae6Post:bb494971-c747-4034-94c0-5c264b78c36e">Daddy Troubles!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Okay gals, I need help. So, I've just turned twenty this past year and this Christmas, my boyfriend of five years asked me to marry him! It was an incredibly sweet proposal, just the two of us decorating my family's Christmas tree. Of course, I said yes! However, I had made the point that I'd prefer he asked my dad for permission and later, after the shock faded, I asked him what he said. My poor fiance told me my dad never really said whether or not he gave his permission, and that my dad only jokingly asked if my fiance was sure that was a good idea. So, after telling the rest of the family, I hesitantly talked to my dad about our engagement. He thinks I should finish school before I get married. I totally understand and plan on finishing up the first part of college before I do tie the knot. Not only that, but while my future in-laws and their family are thrilled, but my side seems to be more reluctant about the whole ordeal. But in spite of all this, shouldn't he, along with the rest of my family, be happy for me? It's really putting a damper on our happiness and not at all how I'd imagined our engagement would go! Any advice?
    Posted by Jayne_18[/QUOTE]

    First off congrats!! :) You sound really happy!
    I wouldn't know what to do in your situation either! My dad has known since he hired my FI that we were meant to be. He also doesn't care how old or young I am when we get married. He was just as happy for us when we told him. And he actually looked at FI and said "Took ya long enough"
    But over alI I would just talk to your dad. And my mom is a mother of two, and she has been going to school for probably 15 years now... so schooling really is never done. But it's your life, and you have to deal with the consequences! GL
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_daddy-troubles?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:bebb207e-54f5-422f-96d8-2435b2413ae6Post:7016946c-a08e-46f2-8a74-b02469e43cb1">Re: Daddy Troubles!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Daddy Troubles! : First off congrats!! :) You sound really happy! I wouldn't know what to do in your situation either! My dad has known since he hired my FI that we were meant to be. He also doesn't care how old or young I am when we get married. He was just as happy for us when we told him. And he actually looked at FI and said "Took ya long enough" But over alI I would just talk to your dad. <strong>And my mom is a mother of two, and she has been going to school for probably 15 years now... so schooling really is never done. </strong>But it's your life, and you have to deal with the consequences! GL
    Posted by borderpatrolwifey2be[/QUOTE]

    Ummmm. no.  I finished my bachelor's degree well before I met DH.  I finished my MA when I was pregnant with my second child~27 years ago. 

    I've been done with school for 27 years.  I'm afraid that the OP will end up in the situation that your mom is:  mother of two, still trying to get a degree while taking care of kids, perhaps working outside the home, taking care of a home.

    Why not get the degree before you have all the other responsibilities to deal with?
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_daddy-troubles?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:bebb207e-54f5-422f-96d8-2435b2413ae6Post:09b8f1b0-829f-4a62-a9de-8c31a64fdfe4">Re: Daddy Troubles!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Daddy Troubles! : Not to threadjack, but when I did this 20 years ago, it was encouraged in California.  You attend a junior college for 2 years, and get your AA in "general ed" taking courses that you can then transfer to either a Cal State school or a Univ of CA.  I saved a lot of money by first going to City College of San Francisco, got my AA and then got my BA at UC Berkeley after transferring. Back to the topic at hand, I'm joining my voice in the chorus.  Sure, get engaged now, but don't get married until after you have finished all of college and have started a career.
    Posted by impslave[/QUOTE]
    That does make sense.  I went to a private college where that wouldn't have worked (they were very specific in their gen ed requirements and many majors took more than four semesters to complete), so I guess that's why I didn't get it.

    Taking a break in your education, no matter how you're structuring it, is dangerous, though.  Like I said, if not for DH pushing me, it's likely that I never would have ended up going back and finishing that last year.  I can't cite any specific data, but I know I've heard stats about how much less likely you are to ever start the next step in your education if you don't dive immediately back in.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_daddy-troubles?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:bebb207e-54f5-422f-96d8-2435b2413ae6Post:16a728d0-e2eb-4a36-b3f0-77091df6be07">Re: Daddy Troubles!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Daddy Troubles! : Shouldn't you have that figured out before you get engaged?
    Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]
    Yes we knew this before we got engaged. I'm just listing some of the benefits of a longer engagement if OP decides to go that route, especially since she and her FI are young.
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  • Congrats on your engagement!!!  I'm going to jump on the bandwagon for a few personal reasons. 

    I was engaged while I was in college...so I'm now engaged to FI who I met after I finished college.  The previous engagement just didnt work for many reasons but one was that we werent established enough to provide for each other on our owns. He was on his own but I wasn't yet.  I lived in an apartment but depended on my parents to help me since I was full time college.  I had a part time job but it didn't help much.

    My little brother is engaged, currently, he has a part time job, he finished his schooling he decided to go to a community college and major in fire prevention b/c he wants to be a fire-fighter-but he can't find a job yet so he lives at home working part time and volenteering at a local fire dept.  His FI finished her school but she lives at home wants to go back and get a different degree and doesnt work. 

    A) how are they going to live-they already stated they were NOT going to live with parents even though my dad offered. 

    So we don't have as much info on your situation but if you are not fully supported on your own I would hesitate to get married before that. 

    My Fi and I were both on our own before we met and lived together.  I'm back in school now but its different than undergrad. 

    Just use caution and good judgement-don't let your joy and excitement to rush anything.  Talk to your parents.  I would postpone until after your graduate.  But after you lived something similar its 20-20vision hindsight.  GL I wish the best for you and your situation.
  • if you still call your father "daddy" you are too young to be married
    wait till your 23
  • I am on the bandwagon that you really shouldn't get married until you can support yourselves.  Like PPs, I want to know what you mean by finish the first part of your degree?  If that is an AA, is that enough for you to get a job that would support you (preferably one that can turn into a career)?  I don't know how old your FI is, and whether or not he is also still in school, but it could be really hard for him to support you if you are finishing up your bachelor's.  If you can't get a job with the education that you plan to have before getting married, I would wait until you finish your bachelor's.  Also, I wouldn't want to be married and covered under my parents' insurance - even if Obama says it's ok.  To me, getting married means that you and your H will support each other and not have to rely on your parents for anything.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_daddy-troubles?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:bebb207e-54f5-422f-96d8-2435b2413ae6Post:8c14d4f9-1f75-4e14-956b-9e27550773f6">Re: Daddy Troubles!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Daddy Troubles! : Ummmm. no.  I finished my bachelor's degree well before I met DH.  I finished my MA when I was pregnant with my second child~27 years ago.  I've been done with school for 27 years.  I'm afraid that the OP will end up in the situation that your mom is:  mother of two, still trying to get a degree while taking care of kids, perhaps working outside the home, taking care of a home. Why not get the degree before you have all the other responsibilities to deal with?
    Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

    I was going to say, schooling is never done?!. I'm 28, and I'm finished with schooling. I got my BA when I was 22 and my JD when I was 25. I could theoretically go back to school I suppose at some point-- but for all intents and purposes, I'm done-- I can fully support myself and have a career!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • MUD, or the OP wasn't told what she wanted to hear.
  • I can sort of relate.  I'm 22 and got engaged in August.  I'm in the middle of my 1st year of law school and FI (who is 25) works full time.  We were together for 3 years when FI proposed.  Also, we're having a 2 year engagement, so I'll be 24 when I get married.  Most of my family took the engagement fine, but my brother was really upset.  I know he thinks I'm too young.  He'll make snarky off-handed comments occasionally and it is upsetting.

    The thing to ask yourself is:  What's behind your family's concern?  Is it that they are at a point in their life when they themselves don't understand marriage, so how can they support it?  Is it that they aren't ready to let go of their little girl?  Is it that they have reservations about your FI?  Is it that you're not financially independent or otherwise not mature enough to be married?  The answer to these questions is key and changes everything.
  • OP, very few guys do not change dramatically from their late teens and early 20's to their late 20's and early 30's, and your dad probably knows all about that since he was there at one point.  If my 20 year old daughter said the same thing to me I'd be just as worried because I know how dramatically different I am now (at 34) than I was in my early 20's, and I was definitely not marrying material at that point in my life even though there was at least one girl I'd have asked if the situation had lead to that, and of course we'd be divorced now so good thing I didn't.

    If you've been together since you were 15, no harm in having a few years of being engaged and making sure things stay happy, not like you're getting close to old age lol.

    Married in Vegas - June 2011


  • Your Dad just wants what's best for you, it sounds like you have similar ideas as your dad about finishing school so make sure he is aware of that.  Lay low on the wedding planing and some people might come around.  I would advise just to have a long engagement.  Having a longer engagement can be nicer anyways- I started planning my wedding during my last year of college and then still had 9 months after graduation to get everything done. It was nice to take my time with things and it was less stressful then trying to get everything done in 9-12 months.   When I got engaged I was only 21 and we got support from both our families, my parents reaction was "Finally, what took so long"  then when we set a 18 month engagement they said "Why so far away let's just do it this fall".  Yet there are people I know who are 26 and my family would think it would be weird if they got married.  Everyone has different opinions on the "right" age to get married and every couples situation is different so only you and your FI know what is right for you.  Congrats on the engagement and good luck with everything!!
    Trying to Conceive Ticker Anniversary
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