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Pre-RSVP - Tacky or Ok for destination wedding

We are throwing a wedding and 90% of our guests are travelling from out of town (flying distance) If we end up a small group of 20-30 people I am going to do a sit down dinner and no bridal party.  If we get 50+ we want a DJ dancing and more of a party atmosphere. 

Is it tacky to ask for a pre-rsvp on a dave the date?  And is it ok tp have them call their pre rsvp in and not use response cards? 

Lastly, if they pre-rsvp "no" do I still send an invitation closer to the date?  I need to know whos coming before I book and pay for DJ's, catering halls with minimum plates etc.  How do I communicate this with tact but get a commitment??
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