BM & GM Issues Need to Vent

Midgetth

  I just don't get it. I thought my FI & I have been very good & gracious to our BM's & GM's. We are now a month and 2 weeks away from our wedding & none of his groomsmen have gotten fitted. And my one BM & my MOH (who is my sister) are gripping about the cost of their dresses.
           My girls picked out their dresses a year before the wedding this way they had time to save up. I even let them pick out their dresses. I said they could all be different but the same color. They ended up all picking the same dress.  The dress was originally $160 & we talked the shop owner down to $120 with free alterations. My sister (my MOH) & my one BM is now asking me how much they owe still. I have no idea This wasn't my responsibility they got the slip. And when I told them I think it's $80 they have left to pay they gripped about it saying they don't have it. I just don't get it. They picked the dress & the price. My BM needed a plus size & that was $40 extra. She gripped about that. Like my mom said she should be used to paying a little more. She's been in other weddings. But since I felt bad I paid the $40 for her. They've had a year to save up the money & now at last minute they don't have any money? I thought that was the whole point of us going & finding their dresses a year before hand; so they had enough??
   I just don't understand what is so hard. This was their one and only responsibility. buy their dress & their shoes. May I add any shoes they wanted. I am paying for their hair & nails to get done &  I bought their jewlery. My mom paid for my bridal shower because she knew the girls couldn't afford it. My sister (my MOH) is a nurse lives rent free with her in laws & my BM is a teacher who still lives at home. I just don't get how they don't have nay money. I just don't get it
       I realize they don't or never will care about my wedding as much as I do but still. If they were going to pull this shnit then they shouldn't have agreed to be in the wedding. I can't afford to pya for their dresses if I could I would but I just can't do it.
 Well thanks for letting me vent

waltzingmatilda13

If the girls agreed to pay a certain price and are not complaining there's not a lot you can do. Just defer them to the shop from now on and don't talk to them about it.

For the GMs, don't worry. We got tuxes through Men's Warehouse and they only had to be measured 2 weeks before the wedding or risk paying a rush fee. Call the shop and ask what's the last day to order. Then have FI (not you, because you don't want to come across as a crazy bride) call his guys and tell them the last date to get measured and then leave it. If they don't get it done in time, it's not your fault.

Take a deep breath, and try to relax. This is about the time that I realized I couldn't control everything and let a lot of stuff go. You'll be pleasantly surprised that it will all get done and won't seem like such a big deal in the end.

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bm-gm-issues-need-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:c59fc186-bbff-47ca-aca5-97d433a185b8Post:13ac976d-765e-41d8-9d7d-069038c0f851">BM & GM Issues Need to Vent</a>:
[QUOTE]  I just don't get it. I thought my FI & I have been very good & gracious to our BM's & GM's. We are now a month and 2 weeks away from our wedding & none of his groomsmen have gotten fitted. And my one BM & my MOH (who is my sister) are gripping about the cost of their dresses.            My girls picked out their dresses a year before the wedding this way they had time to save up. I even let them pick out their dresses. I said they could all be different but the same color. They ended up all picking the same dress.  The dress was originally $160 & we talked the shop owner down to $120 with free alterations. My sister (my MOH) & my one BM is now asking me how much they owe still. I have no idea This wasn't my responsibility they got the slip. And when I told them I think it's $80 they have left to pay they gripped about it saying they don't have it. I just don't get it. They picked the dress & the price. My BM needed a plus size & that was $40 extra. She gripped about that. <strong>Like my mom said she should be used to paying a little more. </strong>She's been in other weddings. But since I felt bad I paid the $40 for her. They've had a year to save up the money & now at last minute they don't have any money? I thought that was the whole point of us going & finding their dresses a year before hand; so they had enough??    I just don't understand what is so hard. This was their one and only responsibility. buy their dress & their shoes. May I add any shoes they wanted. I am paying for their hair & nails to get done &  I bought their jewlery. My mom paid for my bridal shower because she knew the girls couldn't afford it. My sister (my MOH) is a nurse lives rent free with her in laws & my BM is a teacher who still lives at home. I just don't get how they don't have nay money. I just don't get it        I realize they don't or never will care about my wedding as much as I do but still. If they were going to pull this shnit then they shouldn't have agreed to be in the wedding. I can't afford to pya for their dresses if I could I would but I just can't do it.  Well thanks for letting me vent
Posted by Midgetth[/QUOTE]

Your mom sounds awesome.

I know it sucks, but there's nothing you can do.  Just let it go.  Tell them to talk to the shop if they are unclear how much is owed and leave it at that.  Worrying about it or saying something will only lead to bigger problems down the road.

Also - it's griped.  Gripped means you're holding something.

JZags

It sounds like you've been way more than understanding with your bridesmaids. I agree with PPs. Tell them your sorry but you're just too busy PLANNING A WEDDING to keep track of their dresses and refer them to the shop. In the end, none of the groomsmen will want to be "the guy without a tux" standing at the altar so, even if they have to get it rush ordered, they'll do it. Although, I'm not in your position yet, waltzing matilda soulds like she has the right advice, just let this go and it will come together. Congrats on being so close to your wedding day. I'm sure it will all come together perfectly!

jmkes

It sounds like you are trying to make this as easy as possible for them as you can.  So that's great of you.  Just let their gripes go in one ear and out the other.  They'll have to pay off the dresses at some point...

The GMs are guys.  Guys don't think weddings are important unless it's their own (and even then some of them still don't think they're important.)  Like pp said, they'll get it done even if they have to pay the rush fee.  Luckily my FI just said last night he plans on staying on top of his guys to make sure they go get it done.

sky7563

I do think $172 for a tux rental is high but maybe not for your area.  In comparison to your BM's...they get to keep their dress and shoes while the GM's are paying the same price for a one day rental.  The BM's could use their dress or shoes again or sell them.  The GM's do not have those options.  However, as for everything else it sounds like you have been VERY reasonable.  I would refer the woman to the store from now on.  Unfortuantely, it seems like most GM's need many reminders and like to push things to the last minute.  I will be telling our GM's that they have to go by a certain day (which will probably be at least a week or two early) or their tux will not be in on time for the wedding.  I'm hoping this will save me some stress and that the store will even go along with it.  I gave this advice to my sister in law previously but the store told her GM's a later date which some still didn't make...thankfully the tuxes were all in on time.  I think you still have some time though...check with your store and as a last resort if the GM has a significant other ask that person to make sure they go in time.  Don't get too upset.  I'm told there are events that simply bring out the worst in people and weddings are one of them (despite the misconception...that includes people other than the bride).  The most important thing is you and Dan.

Midgetth

When we picked out the tuxedoes my FI sent out all of the info to his guys and when they needed to have it ordered by. He went & got fitted a month ago & was told none of his guys have come in. So I sent out an email to them to remind them. They need to be measured by August 31 ! The tux place told us they need to order them by September 1st because they get them from different locations depending on their sizes. Like my FI needs an extra tall as the lady put it and one of his GM needs a Big size. My FI has asked them a few times now that we've gotten close when they were going & they say "Don't worry I didn't forget" The tux rentals are $160.
 
   The girls I'm trying to ignore but it's so hard. In a way I feel bad because it's my wedding & they're buying something for my wedding. But I do know they picked the derss & the price point. And I do want to tell them "I'm sorry but I'm busy planning & keeping track of the rest of the wedding & we're trying to move into our first place less than a month before the wedding! "

PeonyPrincesskdd

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_bm-gm-issues-need-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:c59fc186-bbff-47ca-aca5-97d433a185b8Post:13ac976d-765e-41d8-9d7d-069038c0f851">BM & GM Issues Need to Vent</a>:
[QUOTE]  I just don't get it. I thought my FI & I have been very good & gracious to our BM's & GM's. <strong>We are now a month and 2 weeks away from our wedding & none of his groomsmen have gotten fitted. </strong>And my one BM & my MOH (who is my sister) are gripping about the cost of their dresses.            My girls picked out their dresses a year before the wedding this way they had time to save up. I even let them pick out their dresses. I said they could all be different but the same color. They ended up all picking the same dress.  The dress was originally $160 & we talked the shop owner down to $120 with free alterations. My sister (my MOH) & my one BM is now asking me how much they owe still. I have no idea This wasn't my responsibility they got the slip. And when I told them I think it's $80 they have left to pay they gripped about it saying they don't have it. I just don't get it. They picked the dress & the price. My BM needed a plus size & that was $40 extra. She gripped about that. Like my mom said she should be used to paying a little more. She's been in other weddings. But since I felt bad I paid the $40 for her. They've had a year to save up the money & now at last minute they don't have any money? I thought that was the whole point of us going & finding their dresses a year before hand; so they had enough??    I just don't understand what is so hard. This was their one and only responsibility. buy their dress & their shoes. May I add any shoes they wanted. I am paying for their hair & nails to get done &  I bought their jewlery. My mom paid for my bridal shower because she knew the girls couldn't afford it. My sister (my MOH) is a nurse lives rent free with her in laws & my BM is a teacher who still lives at home. I just don't get how they don't have nay money. I just don't get it        I realize they don't or never will care about my wedding as much as I do but still. If they were going to pull this shnit then they shouldn't have agreed to be in the wedding. I can't afford to pya for their dresses if I could I would but I just can't do it.  Well thanks for letting me vent
Posted by Midgetth[/QUOTE]

Regarding the groomsmen, you have plenty of time.  Plenty.  Plenty.  Plenty.  You said you have over 2 months until the wedding.   My brothers got fitted days before the wedding.  Wedding was on a Friday.  The EARLIEST we could pick up the tuxes was Wednesday.  As long as they were fit on or before wednesday, it was all good. 

You need to stop worrying about what other people have to do.  Let me do it and just chill out already. 

If they don't do it, then maybe they aren't in the bridal party.  Oh well.  You can't control everthing.  And you need to be more understanding with your bridesmaids.  Yes they need to pay for their dresses, but sometimes people get in a slump with money and things come up, bills come up, their tire gets flat they have to pay for that now, their brakes go and they need to repair them, etc.  There are your everyday regular bills and then there are your extraordinary and random occurances that happen in life and you need to understand that.

If forever reason they are coming up short with the money (flat tire, got a speeding ticket, etc) they should be allowed to vent about it just as much as YOU are allowed to vent.

christinelyn0131

I think you're right, OP. They've had a year. Really? They couldn't save up 120 bucks? That's 10 a month.

It super sucks and its frustrating, but here's the thing (here's what I think, be feel to prove me wrong guys). You invite your friends to be in the WP. If/when they accept, that means they have taken on their responsibilities (all 1.5 of them, dress and shoes)(the .5 is if they already have "black shoes" for example). They accepted. It's their responsibitly.

Okay, continue to vent, it makes me feel better too

kbmeow

OMg I am so sorry about this.   But do keep on Fi about the tuxes.  I am 3 weeks till the wedding and one person has not gotten fitted  His tuxes are 160ish at mens warehouse.   I sent out a facebook message about 2 weeks ago titles  " bridezilla here"  and told all the guys they need to get fitted.  We are now at 1 left and he called when we were in the car so I reminded him.  ( I have a pretty good relationship with his friends) 

carmanna

My freind who got married last year had the same problem. Just try not to let it stress you out. She actually told them if they couldn't afford it then they didn't have to be in her wedding. She just figured out a way to make her cermony work with less people.