Chit Chat

My son and Future M-I-L

My FI and I both have a child from a previous relationship. It has never been a problem with us and always worked out. As far as my son is concerned, my FI IS his father (his sperm donar has never been involoved, and my FI and I have been together since he was 9 months old) My FI has even said that after we get married he wants to make it legal and adopt him. I have also gotten along with Izzy (his daughter) very well since the beginning, she is 5 and very mature for her age and has always accepted me and vice versa.

The problem is my mother in law.  She had him at a young age, and She didn't raise my FI, his grandparents (her parents) did. In fact, they never really had much of a relationship at all until he had Izzy. Then she became super Grandma. She has bought Izzabella everything a little girl could want, All the clothes under the son, takes her to the movies and on trips. She is a very involved grandparent.

 However, she makes it obvious that Richie (my son) is not biologically part of the family. At family gatherings she singles him out by doing things like announcing all the kids should get together for a picture (she has no other g-kids, but great neices and newphews) and she will individually tell all the kids where to line up at but never mention him. She always flaunts gifts to Izza and the other kids in front of him , but never purchasing things for him. Again, it is not the spoiling I get angered with but how she does this in front of the whole family! Rich is only 3 1/2 now, but what about when he is older, how embarrassing that would be to be left out in front of the rest of the kids.

She will call my FI and ask to take Izzy somewhere but won't offer to take Rich along. If asked if she has any grandkids she will reply with "Yes, I have one Precious Granddaughter, she is such a dandy/" or something along those lines. My FI knows what she does and while it bothers him, he has never acted like he wants to confront her about it because theyve never had a close relationship and he just likes to avoid any extra awkwardness.

I dont' know what to do because now what we are about to take the final leap of committment, I really dont like knowing I might have to deal with this forever, even though he doesn't understand he is singled out by her right now, I do and I hurt for him. My FI's grandmother is nothing like this, she has always accepted Rich and has even insisted he call her Nanny and she always makes remarks at my FI like, "Its a shame you haven't gone and adopted this boy YET!" But she is getting older in bad health and I know realistically she won't be around for Richie's whole life. While he does have my parents he is close to (and the lovingly accept Izzabella as their own), I have always dreamed he would have a close relationship with BOTH sets of grandparents, but the ways things are looking now..that is just a dream. What should I do?

Distraught MotherUndecided
A Happy Wife makes a Happy Life!
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