NRW: But semi-serious!

borderpatrolwifey2be

Okay this is probably really serious, one of my best friends (and BM's) texted me today and told me that her bf's dad is really innapropriate with her. He hits on her and trys touching her innapropriately when no one is around. She said she stays away from him unless someone else is around, and she asked him to stop and leave her alone. But he hasn't backed off completely...

She is my best friend and I promised her I wouldn't tell anyone, but is this one of those promises it is okay to break?

keanihauikalani

I think this is one of those that you have to break. I hate to say it but if I was in the same position and something happened to her I would feel so guilty. Better to be safe than sorry

[Deleted User]

Um yeah, it is really serious. She needs to remove herself from that situation asap. There are safe places she could go, including with you if you are a good friend. And all of them can be done anonomsly. She needs to get out before something bad happens. She is going to need couseling and therapy regardless of how long this has been going on.

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nrw-but-semi-serious?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:d5c56164-c4ad-4f79-b76f-1da2cc7849c6Post:9e423988-eea3-4e11-84f9-ca64eedf2809">NRW: But semi-serious!</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay this is probably really serious, one of my best friends (and BM's) texted me today and told me that her bf's dad is really innapropriate with her. He hits on her and trys touching her innapropriately when no one is around. She said she stays away from him unless someone else is around, and she asked him to stop and leave her alone. But he hasn't backed off completely... She is my best friend and I promised her I wouldn't tell anyone, but is this one of those promises it is okay to break?
Posted by borderpatrolwifey2be[/QUOTE]

She needs to tell her BF, she needs to stay away from him, and she should probably file a restraining order.  If her BF doesn't believe her or support her decision to not engage FFIL, then she needs to break up with him.   

HobokensFury

She needs to remove herself from the situation and if that means beaking up the the boyfriend than so be it.

sister2groom

I agree with Tide. A'm not sure who you would tell though, other than your FI to ask for advice, and I always assumed telling secrets to FI/spouses was OK as long as they are discreet.

 

SarahPLiz

DOes her BF know? If he doesn't, then he needs to, but she needs to be the one to tell him. 

strasbjl

Agree with PP...does the bf know?  If he did maybe he would deal with it.  Otherwise she needs to not attend any family event that he is at.  It is not that hard to say no to family events, but her bf needs to know why.  BTW...if she can't talk to him about how uncomfortable she feels about the situation then their relationship is either really new, or she doesn't feel comfortable telling her bf, in which case, they are just not that close and maybe she shouldn't be with him.

The first person I would tell in that situation would be my FI and he would address that family member, or we would skip family events that that person was at.  She could put herself in a really serious position if she is ever left alone with this guy for some reason.  Don't feel bad for not keeping the secret...please don't keep her secret!

borderpatrolwifey2be

Thank you ladies for the support, I will talk with her about it tomorrow. And see why her BF doesn't know. I am pretty sure that it is because she doesn't want to cause drama between the dad and son. But I will talk with her to get more info and see what my next step should be! Thanks again!

borderpatrolwifey2be

I talked to my friend and she said that it hasn't happened in a long time and that's why she hasn't told anybody but me. And she said like I figured she would that she didn't want to cause a fight between her bf and his dad. She knows her bf would whoop his dad's @$$ for that so she didn't want to risk her bf getting hurt...

MyNameIsNot

If she says it's been a while, I would probably let it lie for a bit, but mention it to her again, maybe after you know she's spent time around him.  I'd really encourage her to be honest with the BF about it, even if it has stopped.  It's entirely possible that the dad has tried this with other girlfriends before.  And even if it hasn't happened before, this is the sort of thing the BF should know about.  

borderpatrolwifey2be

Oh yes I agree! Thats what I asked after she told me about it, if it had happened with his older brothrs gf. And she said she wasn't sure because he was secretive about it and didn't do it publicly.