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wedding date drama with his family

we've had our date pick out and save the dates sent out for 3 months... his cousin just proposed to his girlfriend 3 weeks ago and theyve selected a date- ours. his mom got a save the date for her family and hes in the military so he didnt see it. Now his family(except his mom and grandma and 2 aunts) wants us to change our date. so when we said "no we're booked for location, cake, caterers, bartender, and photos", they got angry at us and said well since you guys cant compromise, we're going to eddies(his cousin) wedding. and have refused to talk to us or his family that has decided to come to ours. I want to keep peace in his family, but we had ours planned already. what to do???

Re: wedding date drama with his family

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    I think they are being childish and immature. There are 364 other days they could have chosen. Sure, they didn't know you had already chosen that date. But surely they found out before any big decisions were made? Especially since you already have so much booked.

    I'd say... just keep planning your wedding. The people most important to you will be at your wedding. Sorry this happened!
    Amanda and Eric Gettin' married 10/10/10
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    Wow. That really sucks. You could try explaining why you can't move your date again but other than that there really isn't anything else you can do. Its sad that adults act that way but we can't control their behavior.


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    Because his cousin is in the military, he probably has less options for dates. So they probably figure, since you have more flexibility, then you should change the date. That's not fair to you guys, though. I would explain you have already booked every thing and would lose downpayments.
    What has his cousin said about this?

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    oh HELL no.  This happened to me - except that they aren't in the military but because they are "paying for the wedding themselves" they could only choose that one place and it was only open that one day (which is not true - I called and checked that there were other weekends.)

    My advice?  If you can change it - do it.  Otherwise I've got nothing for you except get a good therapist.  Is this a close cousin?  Mine was supposed to be in the wedding party. 

    Next weekend is the day for both of our weddings, this date screw up started in November and we STILL aren't talking.
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    That is really rather awful of them.

    Only you can control how you handle it.  It may be too late to change things without losing money so if you can't do that (and no you don't have to but sometimes we do things that we don't have to do just to keep the peace), just say, "We did try to change the date and we're so sorry but it just didn't work.  We wish you the best on your wedding date though."

    I think it's pretty crappy to do that when you know that your family is engaged though.  DH has a huge family and before we set dates, we made sure to figure out which ones were off limits. 
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    see, i thought the same thing....since hes in the military we shoould just suck it up. BUT, he's getting out 2 months before. I'm all about making things better. but venues that i called so far (very smal town) dont have much else open that isnt a sunday or friday. so I'm not sure how much i should break my back...
    andy- hes not too close to his cousin, but he is close to his aunt

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    Next weekend is the day for both of our weddings, this date screw up started in November and we STILL aren't talking.



    good luck next weekend
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    Thanks Mrscarras - I hope you don't get put through the same crap.
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    If you sent out save the date notices, why is it that his cousin didn't know that you already picked that date?

    Did the cousin know that you were planning on getting married in that year? I would think the cousin would inquire with you before booking if he didn't get notice of your date.

    I think it is horrible that some people expect you to change your date. I wouldn't change my date. Why can't the cousin change his date?

    If some people prefer to attend the cousin's wedding, so be it. No great loss.
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    I would say that if they are acting this way you are probably better off if they don't attend your wedding. Would you really want these people there? It sucks when people act this way, especially family. Can you go around the aunts and talk to the cousin directly? Maybe they haven't booked anything yet and can change their date. I wouldn't change anything if I were you...you have money on the line now.
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    edited July 2010
    something similar happened to me. My cousin actually got engaged before but hadn't picked a date yet. Before we picked ours I asked her if she had any idea when she wanted to get married. I wanted to make sure it wasn't around the same time and since she got engaged first I was going to let her chose. She said she didn't know and that shed make sure we both had our very own special days. So we went ahead with our plans found a place and picked the date. Before we put the deposit down I told her the day we picked and said she was excited to come. A few weeks after we put the deposit down and sent out our stds she said she wanted to get married around the same time as us, but woudln't tell me the date. A few months went by and I kept trying to get her to give me more details. Eventually She decided to get married next year and buy a house instead. I just found out last week tho that she had originally planned to get married the same exact day as my FI and I. I was pissed but relieved that she bought a house instead!
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    I agree with stacy&tige...the behavior of these people isn't your choice. You can't change how they're choosing to act, so it seems, however unfortunate it is, that you might be better off without them at your wedding.
    **i'm a little drunk on you and high on summertime** Photobucket
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    You picked your date first and you picked it for a reason. You have everything booked and quite frankly, if my FI's family pulled this stunt I would simply tell them they are no longer invited and it is inappropriate for them to expect me to bend over backwards for them.

    My FI and I have said a number of times the only people we care about showing up is each other and our parents. If no one else comes then oh well, we have each other and that's all that matters. I don't expect half of his family to even show up because it's "not in his hometown"
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    wow I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Since you already have the venues picked and paid for. Andwith save the date cards out in the mail. I'd keep on planning your wedding.


    Married: 10/01/11 Photobucket Daisypath Anniversary tickers
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