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Am I wrong to feel offended?

We are having a small wedding and only having 1 attendant each. I have asked my closest friend, but I think I have offended another friend in the process. I was MOH at the other friends wedding and she seems hugely put out to not have been asked to be in the wedding party at mine. I was thinking of asking her to do a reading or something or even extending the wedding party to include her, but now I'm not so sure. 

The offended friend has stopped texting back, replying to emails or messages. The last message I sent she replied saying that talking on the phone was hard for her because her baby has started crawling and she couldn't chat as she needs to watch him. I find that excuse a bit hard to believe, I don't have much experience with children but surely her husband could look after him for half an hour? I live on opposite sides of the world to most of my friends and family, so popping over to see her isn't an option. We used to speak every few weeks or so, but now all I know about what's going on in her life is via her facebook status updates....

Re: Am I wrong to feel offended?

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    Since you were her MOH, why didn't you ask her to be your's?
    And the whole time, my future husband was in the room...... image image
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    Being unable to talk on the phone because her baby is crawling seems like a lame excuse.  Don't her eyes and ears work simultaneously?  If this is all because you didn't ask her to be in your wedding party, that's really an over-reaction on her part.  I see that your wedding isn't until March 2011.  Does this "friend" somehow know that you weren't planning to ask her to be in the bridal party?  Most people don't ask people to be in the WP until 6-8 months before the wedding.  You can wait and see if she chills out, and decide later whether you want her to be a part of your wedding, whether as a reader or bridesmaid or whatever.  If she keeps acting this immature, however, I'd say forget her!
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_am-wrong-feel-offended?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:dba95f38-facd-4132-a793-e2cc684a91adPost:fca650a7-a307-4330-9b61-5b5e57cfc78e">Re: Am I wrong to feel offended?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Since you were her MOH, why didn't you ask her to be your's?
    Posted by MISSCOURTNEY20[/QUOTE]
    Doesn't matter. Wedding parties aren't reciprocal. OP can choose whomever she'd like for her MOH and no mature person should be offended by it.
    image
    Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
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    There is no rule about having someone be your MOH because you were theirs.  Her feelings may be hurt and maybe you should just give her a little space.  After a little time maybe you could ask her to do a reading because she is still a friend to you and it would mean a lot to you.  Try writing her an email in a few weeks to see how she is doing.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_am-wrong-feel-offended?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:dba95f38-facd-4132-a793-e2cc684a91adPost:30cfae23-9a69-4fc9-916f-c3819ca1c6ed">Am I wrong to feel offended?</a>:
    [QUOTE]We are having a small wedding and only having 1 attendant each. I have asked my closest friend, but I think I have offended another friend in the process. I was MOH at the other friends wedding and she seems hugely put out to not have been asked to be in the wedding party at mine. I was thinking of asking her to do a reading or something or even extending the wedding party to include her, but now I'm not so sure.  The offended friend has stopped texting back, replying to emails or messages. The last message I sent she replied saying that talking on the phone was hard for her because her baby has started crawling and she couldn't chat as she needs to watch him. I find that excuse a bit hard to believe, I don't have much experience with children but surely her husband could look after him for half an hour? I live on opposite sides of the world to most of my friends and family, so popping over to see her isn't an option. We used to speak every few weeks or so, but now all I know about what's going on in her life is via her facebook status updates....
    Posted by CJNZ[/QUOTE]


    If the distance started immediately after she found out she wasn't your MOH, then yes, I'd give her some space and just wait until she gets over it.

    The could be distant for hundreds of reasons.  If you guys weren't super chatty before this happened, I'd take in stride and just maybe note that this isn't a friend that you'll communicate with on a super regular basis.  Also, are you reaching out to her more than usual?  Maybe you're making something out of nothing and she's really wondering why you're blowing up her inbox all of a sudden.

    There are so many different ways and perspectives and questions about what's going on.

    You didn't do anything wrong by not picking her as your MOH and just relax and also realize that if you're messages to her are about wedding stuff, not everyone is as interested in your wedding as you are.

    Good luck!
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    I can see the legitimacy in the crawling excuse.  If it's her first kid, and it's a new thing, she may not be comfortable with letting the kid crawl around while she is distracted.  Or she may just want to spend time focused on and playing with the kid.  I have a few friends that have babies.  They are pretty much out of commission for phone calls and everything while they are home with the kid, because they want to spend as much time with the kid as possible.  

    But if she really is upset about the bridal party, she's being a baby and needs to get over it.  Wedding parties are not tit for tat, and the fact that you were her best friend when she got married does not mean that she is yours now.  
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_am-wrong-feel-offended?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:dba95f38-facd-4132-a793-e2cc684a91adPost:fca650a7-a307-4330-9b61-5b5e57cfc78e">Re: Am I wrong to feel offended?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Since you were her MOH, why didn't you ask her to be your's?
    Posted by MISSCOURTNEY20[/QUOTE]

    If you were someone's MOH, but they weren't your closest friend, you'd ask them to be your MOH?
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_am-wrong-feel-offended?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:dba95f38-facd-4132-a793-e2cc684a91adPost:0bc84a48-fde1-4716-b821-dbdaf0d025fe">Re: Am I wrong to feel offended?</a>:
    [QUOTE]If she really is upset about the bridal party, she's being a baby and needs to get over it.  Wedding parties are not tit for tat, and the fact that you were her best friend when she got married does not mean that she is yours now.  
    Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

    I completely agree.  She doesn't have any room to be upset with you.  Leave her be, if she calms down and starts talking to you again, it's her choice, don't give her the upper hand by chasing her.
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    Thanks guys, I feel better about things, I probably am reading into things more than I should! I asked my MOH early since our wedding is a destination one and people need advance notice to pay for flights. I had a chat to the other friend and explained to her why she wasn't a BM and that I still wanted her to be part of the day.... hopefully she will come round soon, we used to speak every few weeks, now I haven't heard much from her for over 2 months!


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    A destination wedding? That's all the more reason not to have asked the other girl!  Was she planning on bringing her child with her?  Leaving her child here with a babysitter?  You can spin it by telling her (if she ever does get back in touch) that you didn't want to put her in a position where she had to say no to you because she couldn't leave the baby and you were sure that money was tight.  You did the right thing and she's definitely being a jerk.
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    Oh, okay, I'm having a DW too, so yeah, wedding parties have to be figured out earlier.  Yeah, I agree, just give her some time to chill out.  (I still think the crawling baby excuse is lame, but it could be legit if she's just an anxious mother.)
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    She should feel relieved you didn't ask her, she has enough on her plate as it is.

    It's sounds like she might still be hormonal from having the baby.  It takes about a year to recover emotionally from giving birth (especially with your 1st one).  Just give her some space, if she's a true friend she should come around eventually. 

    Best of luck to you- I'm getting married March 2011 as well!
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