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Family Drama

I'm very irritated and need to vent... so here i go..
(sorry if their is any type -o's ...i can't spell for crap!)

I sent my invites out early since 90% of my family lives in another state. I've gotten almost all of my replies back. Well the ones that said they can't make it i guess have changed their minds. BUT failed to inform me. The only reason I found out was because my aunt anciently let it slip. She says that 10 family members were going to show up as a "surprise." HELLO this is a wedding not just a random backyard bbq. I need to know whats going on. Well I started to get a little mad and my aunt starts yelling at me and says that i am by no means allowed to ask any of these 10 people if they are infact coming because its suppose to be a surprise and she wasn't suppose to say anything. That I have no right to be upset and if i do get upset im being out of line. so after that...i was really pissed. I said.. well i need to rent tables and chairs I need to know how many people so there is enough seating and enough food. She says.."we'll just stand...so shut up" And i say.. ok well what about the seating arrangements.? She says. "have you met our family? you WILL NOT do seating arrangements!" WTF!? i'm pissed off..! Its not her wedding its me and my fiancés wedding! we're doing it this way because his family doesn't interact on their own and we want people up and talking to each other...SO.. we will being doing seating charts.. and i think i have every right to be upset about 10 people just showing up and surprising me!!


Re: Family Drama

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    Your Aunt sounds very controlling. Are you paying for the entire wedding yourself? If so, you have every right to be upset. Make your seating charts and talk to another family member that may be able to smooth things over with everyone. I don't think anyone would like ten extra people showing up last minute- that's one crappy surprise.
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    If there is another relative who would know about this that you could contact I suggest doing that.  Otherwise call the people in question and ask if they are coming.  Surprise guests is ridiculous.  Also if you want to do a seating chart, do one.  You might also want to have a conversation with your aunt about the way she speaks to you.  Telling you to shut up and bossing you around is totally inappropriate.
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    If I were you, I'd ask the sibling of the aunt to remind her that if these ten people just show up the policy of the place is that they're not going to be allowed in and they won't have a seat and they won't have anything to eat.

    Your aunt is out of line but I think if a peer rather than her neice handles it, it could come across better.
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    Ok, wow, that is pretty rude of your aunt to act that way, and also rude of people to not realize that they need to be up front about their RSVP because planning a wedding is much more complicated than a backyard bbq.  I like what the previous poster said about having your parent (whichever is her sibling) deal with the aunt.  Good luck.
    As my fiance is fond of saying, "Just Relax....."
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    Well you can't have 10 extra people show up and not have seating for them.  I would just have one extra table available without place cards for anyone extra who shows up.  Or... depending how pissed you are, you could do place cards for those 10 people and when they realize their presence at the wedding wasn't a surprise (since there are place cards for them), tell them your aunt told you they were coming.  Although, I suggest the first to avoid more family drama  ;)
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    If you are an adult and not a teenager (and then it's still wrong for your aunt to speak to you that way), you need to get control of your wedding and how your aunt speaks to you.  She is obviously doesn't respect you as an adult, as a person mature enough to get and be married.

    Wow.
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    Shes my Dad's sister in law. She's a train wreck, and thats putting it nicely. I decided to call each and every family member that was now going to "suprise me" to find out exactly what was going on. Turns out. My Aunt made this all up just to screw with me. Which is evil considering that she decided to pull all the crap while we were visiting my Dad in the hospital. (He had a series of strokes and has been in the hospital for 3 weeks.)
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    WOW that's plain ridiculous, out of line, disrespectful and totally infantile!
    Usually, I would suggest you to argue openly with this aunt of yours and show her whose wedding this is... BUT, in the case of such an event I think it's important to keep the mood as light and happy as possible, for your sake, your FH's sake and the sake of the wonderful planning/finalizing of this unique day . SO, I suggest you to 
    1- avoid and ignore this person, 
    2- contact the supposed party crashers and explain gently but firmly that people whose names don't appear on the guest list WILL NOT be allowed in,
    3- once you're done with #2 explain that etiquette, common sense, intelligence, manners, and so on require adults to behave a certain way and RESPECT the couple's financial and organizational efforts to create their event.
    PLUS everyone should be honoured to have been invited and behave accordingly.

     
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    Well, that's awful that your aunt did this.

    All you can do now is put measures in place so your reception indicates that you're hosting only those who have indicated that they are attending.

    Beyond that, I'd laugh off your aunt's attempts. "You got me good! ::giggle::  How's the chicken?"

    And then tell her that you'll be staying at her house for Christmas this year.
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    ooo!  I like trix's idea!  Anyway, I'm glad you called the people in question.  I'd start avoiding contact with the crazy aunt though!
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    How ridiculous! Honestly I would just not speak to her anymore and don't in any circumstances discuss the wedding with her. I'm glad you called everyone yourself.
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