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Needs Advice something fierce! My MIL-To-Be is making us crazy!

Ok..So my fiance's family is small.  They equal about 95-100 of our list.  But my MIL to be insists that "since they have a small family" that her coworkers and their spouses should be invited AND..since the aunt and uncle that are coming into town are staying with someone on the uncle's side of the family, my MIL-to-be thinks that person they are staying with should be invited as well.  We politely told her that we just can't afford to invite everyone.  We are already up to 356 and although everyone won't come I don't want to bust our budget anymore than we already have. 

I am cutting our list a bit anyway, since we have WAY too many invited but are we rude for not wanting to invite the people she works with and someone his uncle and aunt are staying with?  Neither of us has ever met any of these people.  And I have told my rents the same deal..we just cannot afford it. 

I feel like we are being mean but she's making me feel bad for having a large family.  She's a very sensitive person and gets her feelings hurt easily. My fiance and I just don't know what to do... 

Re: Needs Advice something fierce! My MIL-To-Be is making us crazy!

  • Hold on you say that you have too many people INVITED. LIke you have already done the inviting? Coz if that's the case you CANNOT cull the list. It's super rude. And you are right to say that you don't have invite her coworkers etc. Guest lists are not tit for tat. You invite people because you WANT them there not because one family hasn't invited more people than the other. Just apologise to your FMIL and say that your budget won't allow for any more guests and leave it at that.
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  • I'm sorry I phrased that wrong.  We haven't sent anything out yet (we need to though!)  Thank you for your input.  We have tried to explain that.  I just don't know how to get it through her head.  I've read on some of these blogs that some brides have explained to their FMILs that if they want certain people (i.e. coworkers) there then they would need to contribute $ for the extra people.  I feel like that's rude.  I don't feel comfortable telling her she has to pay for her friends. 

    I am having a really hard time with her.  Maybe no will sink in eventually...
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_needs-advice-something-fierce-my-mil-to-be-is-making-us-crazy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:e3d747cd-c149-4119-8f25-ca4f35387ec5Post:980af1d5-1114-4a4e-af24-ab2ea980316a">Re: Needs Advice something fierce! My MIL-To-Be is making us crazy!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Have FI explain that you're inviting based on "circles" for each family and that it's fair since both sides get to invite out to the same famly tree. Expain to her that it's not fair for her to get to invite all these random extra people just because your family is more fertile. Also.. <strong>100 people is NOT a small family.</strong>
    Posted by KindaSparkly[/QUOTE]
    Everything is relative. If the OP has a guest list of 356, I'm thinking that her family is quite later than his 100. <div>
    </div><div>OP, if you're wedding ticker is right, you have almost 10 months before your wedding. You don't have to send invites now, or anytime soon. Can you afford to host 356 people? In your other post, you were considering doing a tiered reception. Not cool. If you can't afford that many people because you're paying, then you have to cut the list whether you like it or not. Have your FI deal with his mother.</div>
  • It sounds like she is not paying for the wedding, so it's not her party and she doesn't get any control over the guest list.  The next time she brings it up, your fiance needs to tell her, firmly and clearly, that the two of you have made your guest list and it's not up for discussion.
  • Don't try to explain or justify it to her.  Say "I'm sorry, but the budget will not allow us to add any more guests" and leave it at that.  It is none of her business who and how many you are inviting from your side or which friends you are inviting.  Just continue to tell her that you cannot afford any more than the 100 she's given you.  
  • Ditto PP's 100 people is NOT a small family. Our list is just over 100 people and that includes all of my family (but none of my cousin's kids) all of FI's family and our friends.

    If your FMIL is paying then she gets a say in the guest list. If she's not then your FI needs to talk to her and put his foot down.
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  • woooww thats a HUGE wedding .. im with some of the PPs my entire wedding is going to be 100 maybe 120 people.. and I agree that if she isnt paying she gets no say so. you say that neither of you even know these people anyways so why doesnt she think its okay to invite them .its your wedding not hers.
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