Need opnions ASAP

eslilbreezy

My sister in law is a bridesmaid and the other night she asked me if there was anyway i could start the wedding at 6 instead of 430... i told her there was no way because I sent out the invitations already... i also scheduled the caterer and DJ to start at 530... i know it wouldnt be hard to reschedule them, but i've already sent out the invites... my mother in law said it can take up an hour to seat everyone.... so maybe it would work out.. the problem is she has school and she's missed so many days that they said if she missed anymore she'd be terminated.... she said she'll be able to leave the school at five, but she'll still need to get ready...  she also  said that if i dont wait for her then im a horrible person..

i dont know what i should do.. shuld i wait for her or find someone else.

lilianne22

I'd tell her sorry that she won't be able to make it to the ceremony but you look forward to seeing her at the reception.  You shouldn't have to change everything for one person who could have told you about this issue sooner.  You aren't a horrible person, she's being ridiculous.

Please don't replace her though.  Asking someone to fill in for her would be rude to her and the person you ask to take her place. 

RoxysMama

I agree with PP. She knew her situation and could have brought it to your attention earlier.  If the invites hadn't already been sent out then you might have been able to work with her, but what does she expect, you are not responsible for calling each of your guests and explaining that the time has now changed and then also have to change contracts with your vendors.  It is just too much to ask.

PP is right, you shouldn't replace her.  But it is not your problem that she can't come.  Don't feel bad, it sounds like you would change it if you could.

Best of luck

[Deleted User]

I agree with pp. You are not a horrible person. She knew her situation and should have brought it up sooner. Sometimes people just don't understand until they have planned a wedding themselves. And your FIL's should undstand. If it becomes an issue, you need to discuss this with your FI and let him talk to his parents.

PharmacyBride

Unless she missed her previous days of schools due to wedding related obligations- I say you are in the clear.

Invites have been sent out.. you are in the clear.. she knew the date ahead of time.. this is her business.

Don't replace her, list her in the program and just have uneven sides in the ceremony.

lexandfab

That is ridiculous of her to ask that. Absolutely not. It sounds like somebody ditched too many days of school or desperately needs all of the focus on her all the time.

kathrynhabibti

I agree with PPs. You're absolutely not a horrible person and she could have brought this up earlier. You have too much in place and contracted for it to be changed. Even if previous absences were due to WR things she could have chosen not to do them. What is your FI's position on this? Have him help out if necessary.

alaea

I can't believe someone would call the bride horrible when they're the one's trying to screw everything up! How rude!! Like the others said... if she can't do it on time, just let there be an empty spot...as for your future mil, good luck!!

quotequeen

The part about taking an hour to seat everyone is preposterous.  Is she talking about the ceremony?  If the time printed for the ceremony is 4:30 then all the guests should already be seated at that time, and the actual ceremony should start at 4:30.

You are not a horrible person for not accommodating an issue that you didn't know about until after everything was planned and invitations were sent.

jenellsrevenge

That is a ridiculous request. I completely agree with what everyone else has said.

trix1223

Just say no.

ps:  from this church organist, there isn't any way it takes an hour to seat people, and also as an organist, if I have a wedding that starts an hour late, I am royally p!ssed.  That's just rude to the church staff who is working your wedding.

mkrupar

PPs are right, you're not a horrible person. Invites have already gone out. Just out of curiosity, is she a student or a teacher? Didn't school just start? How has she missed so many days already? Like a PP said as long as the absences weren't for wedding related things you're in the clear.

NickDanielleB

This is one of those times when you tell someone "Your lack of planning is not my emergency." This is something she has known about for a while so her asking you to change everything is not ok.  This is part of being an adult. You have to deal with the consequences of your actions.

Roxygrl2002

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-opnions-asap?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:f8ca288a-15ca-472c-957a-f430c064c1fePost:beec41d7-fa41-46e8-b3d1-37ae0540e7c4">Re: Need opnions ASAP</a>:
[QUOTE]This is one of those times when you tell someone "Your lack of planning is not my emergency." This is something she has known about for a while so her asking you to change everything is not ok.  This is part of being an adult. You have to deal with the consequences of your actions.
Posted by NickDanielleB[/QUOTE]

THIS! That quote is key! Is your FI backing you on this? It sounds like your MIL wants you to wait for her, but there is no way you should have to change anything. She knew the time to start and you shouldn't have to change it for her lack of planning. I'd follow everyone's advice and say see you at the ceremony! Especially since she called you a horrible person if you didn't! What a terrible thing to say to someone when they should be nothing but apologetic and understanding of whatever decision you make after missing school. Besides that. I'm sure if she explained to her teachers, then they'd make an exception or time for her to make it up anyway. Hold your ground OP. Be strong in your decision and get your FI on board with you.

eslilbreezy

She goes to a cosmotology school and she was supposed to graduate in may, but since she's missed so many days...... she doesnt graduate until feb.

eslilbreezy

Thanks Gals!!! this made me feel a lot better.....

We have since talked about this wait scratch that FOUGHT about this...

My future husband told me that I should do whatever I want, that this is my day and I shouldnt have to wait for her.   When i told her that she put on her facebook that all bridezillas should shoot themselves and that him basically saying that meant that she didnt mean anything to him??? She's always been good about making everything about her... and in all honesty i didnt want to put her in the wedding party in the first place because shes stolen so much from me and wrecked my car and never paid for it (partly my responsibility because i let her use it)  anyways.... in all honesty she basically made herself a BM i never really told her she could be in it, it was just assumed she was, and i didnt mind because i wanted Erik my fiance to be happy!  we have already ordered the dresses and i didnt want the money to go to waste because we had to pay half for the dress as a deposit.... so i told her we would probably have an old friend walk and she could just come to the ceremony .... was i wrong in doing that.. i just didnt want the money i paid to go for nothing bceause you cant return the dress....

anyways now my MI and SI hate me because they said i'm a selfish person and think only about myself

BeeBee22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-opnions-asap?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:f8ca288a-15ca-472c-957a-f430c064c1fePost:bd4ddd0d-5a58-479c-a0e7-c0a40e6437b3">Re: Need opnions ASAP</a>:
[QUOTE] ... i didnt want the money to go to waste because we had to pay half for the dress as a deposit.... so i told her we would probably have an old friend walk and she could just come to the ceremony .... <strong>was i wrong in doing that <em>YES</em></strong>.. i just didnt want the money i paid to go for nothing bceause you cant return the dress.... anyways now my MI and SI hate me because they said i'm a selfish person and think only about myself :(
Posted by eslilbreezy[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>DO NOT have someone walk in her place. You are right to not change your ceremony, and it's ridiculous of her to ask that, let alone demand it. Your FILs are wrong as well - you re not being selfish, they are.</div><div>
</div><div>However, <strong>you cannot replace a missing bridesmaid</strong>. If you check the FAQ posts on the BP boards and search this board, you'll see this in no uncertain terms. It's very bad etiquette, and will certainly make your FILs more angry. </div><div>
</div><div>If the dress has been picked up by now, she should keep it in case things change. If the dress hasn't been paid for and she absolutely can't make it, I suppose you can cancel the dress and take the loss (it can't be that much money unless you went nuts on BM dresses). You simply have uneven sides in the bridal party, which is fine. </div><div>
</div><div>You have been in the right so far, don't screw that up. The money lost on the dress deposit will be nothing to the bad will you will earn by replacing her. Good luck to you, they sound like PITAs.

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