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Re: *

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    Wow that is crazy. I think I would have a talk with my parents if I were you.
    BabyFruit Ticker
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    lizstill13lizstill13 member
    First Comment
    edited May 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_rude?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:fae26a0f-0d2f-475f-add1-e5f083f9eb7ePost:905cb196-c467-4994-8ae2-2f0341e98f95">How RUDE...!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok, so get this: my dad recently lost his job (he's a teacher). He has been teaching for 19 years, so of course he was one of the highest paid teachers and was let go of first. My parents have been dreaming about teaching overseas for years and years, and they thought they would just go ahead and do it now WITHOUT even looking for another local teaching job. Well, now my dad is leaving in JULY! My wedding is August 28th....barf. <strong>Sorry, but you don't get to dictate where your parents choose to live. If they finally got the chance to live out their dream, they should do it and you should be happy for them.</strong> My dad is going to fly to South Korea (where he will be teaching) in July, and my mom is going to stay behind until my wedding. Then, after my wedding my parents are going to fly to South Korea together. My dad has been stressing out about how much money he has to spend on a plane ticket to come back from South Korea. HE CALLED MY WEDDING COORDINATOR AND ASKED IF IT WAS POSSIBLE FOR ME TO CHANGE MY WEDDING DATE TO SOMETIME IN JULY! Ummm...???? I have been KILLING myself planning for this wedding! He thinks I can just change the date like it's no big deal...he hasn't bothered to think about the photographer, caterer, hair/make-up appointments, etc I am EMBARRASSED.<strong> Your dad probably just didn't realize that this can be difficult, difficult, but not impossible. But he should have gone through you first since it was his decision to move.</strong> My wedding coordinator called me and was so confused and actually stunned that my dad looked her up on the internet and called her. I am not very close to my parents. My mother didn't want to make time to drive to see me try on wedding dresses. My parents think I should elope and won't give us a single dime to contribute to this wedding. <strong>Your parents aren't (edit) obligated to give you any money for your wedding. </strong>I feel like if they would have helped us pay for this wedding...then they would have a say in the date. At one point, they were actually saying that they might not be able to come because they'll be in South Korea. This is a once in a lifetime event, and I need them here. SO many frustrations! Ah, I feel so much better.... :)
    Posted by abersweett[/QUOTE]
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    Liz:  I think you meant to say that her parents AREN'T obligated to give her any money, which is 100% true.

    OP:  You can be disappointed.  I get that you are.  I would be too.

    But by your own admission, you haven't had much of a relationship with your parents.  Your own words:  "I'm not very close to my parents".  I'm sorry for that.  I would crawl across hot coals laced with broken glass to be at my kids' weddings.

    BUT.....if you haven't had a close relationship, why do you suddenly expect that to change?  Actually, you come across as whiny when you talk about how they haven't contributed a single dime, and how your mom "didn't make time to drive and see you try on wedding dresses." 

    Did you try to accommodate your mom's schedule at all?  Did you consider trying on dresses nearer to her?  It may not be the case, but it sounds like you're expecting everyone to bow to your wants, your schedule, your wishes.  I hope it's not the case.

    Your dad just lost his job.  Your mom and dad are making an enormous life change.  And yes, it's impacting you and your wedding.  And that's a shame.  But you really need to at least try to appear a little sympathetic to their situation as well.

    Finally:  if you're KILLING yourself over a wedding, you're doing something wrong.  No one should be KILLING herself to plan a party.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    In Response to Re: How RUDE...!:
    [QUOTE]Liz:  I think you meant to say that her parents AREN'T obligated to give her any money, which is 100% true. OP:  You can be disappointed.  I get that you are.  I would be too. But by your own admission, you haven't had much of a relationship with your parents.  Your own words:  "I'm not very close to my parents".  I'm sorry for that.  I would crawl across hot coals laced with broken glass to be at my kids' weddings. BUT.....if you haven't had a close relationship, why do you suddenly expect that to change?  Actually, you come across as whiny when you talk about how they haven't contributed a single dime, and how your mom "didn't make time to drive and see you try on wedding dresses."  Did you try to accommodate your mom's schedule at all?  Did you consider trying on dresses nearer to her?  It may not be the case, but it sounds like you're expecting everyone to bow to your wants, your schedule, your wishes.  I hope it's not the case. Your dad just lost his job.  Your mom and dad are making an enormous life change.  And yes, it's impacting you and your wedding.  And that's a shame.  But you really need to at least try to appear a little sympathetic to their situation as well. Finally:  if you're KILLING yourself over a wedding, you're doing something wrong.  No one should be KILLING herself to plan a party.
    Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

    Exactly what I meant to say.
    image
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    Um, thanks for the support... :-/

    Now I just feel like an awful person. Job well done everyone...
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    We weren't trying to make you feel awful, we were just trying to give you a little perspective. You said yourself that it was your parents dream to teach overseas and now they have that option. You should be happy for them. We did say it sucked that it happened around your wedding and were supportive of that. In the bigger picture your wedding is ONE day that can be moved and your parents are making a LIFE changing decision and move. You have to decide what's more important: going through the hassle of moving your wedding so your parents can be there or possibly not have your dad attend.
    image
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    I don't think your awful for being hurt, and him asking you to move it was insane (though he may not have known).  I mostly think you should talk to them, it might not fix it but it might make you feel better.
    image
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    I completely understand your frustration. However, it would cost a lot for your father to fly back from South Korea. Considering the fact that he just lost his job, it would be a lot to ask of him. I understand completely why he tried to move the date. It appears that he really wants to be there and wants you to be happy. I am happy that he has found a new job. The fact that you aren't close with him is irrelevant. Talk it over with him. If he cannot make it, then he can't make it. I am sure that he would love to be there...... 
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