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New Hampshire

BM Issue- I need advice (long)

I had one of my bridesmaids back out last night, coveniently enough I was going to order my BM dresses today. She is one of my best friends from college and is actually still in school. She backed out because of financial reasons, which I totally understand. I am pretty bummed, but remember what it was like to be a poor college student. I am just thankful she didn't wait until the last minute.My issue is what do I do now? FI and I already have a larger bridal party than we wanted. We have a very close group of college friends and couldn't ask one without asking the others. We have 7 BM and GMs plus flower 2 girls and 2 ring bearers. We are debating on asking another BM or asking a GM to step down from the bridal party. We know asking someone to not be in the wedding is uncomfortable and kind of mean. I could ask my younger cousin to be a BM, but we are not overly close. We are torn as to what we should do? We need to decide to night, because the BM dresses have to be ordered this week.What are your thoughts?
TTC #1 Since July 2011
BFP #1 2/28/12- 3/3/12 CP at 4w3d
BFP #2 4/1/12- 5/7/12 Missed M/C at 8w4d (measuring 6w3d)
TTC on hold until December
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Re: BM Issue- I need advice (long)

  • ericcaahericcaah member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm so sorry to hear that she is backing out. It is a huge bummer, but at least she was honest with you and didn't wait until the last minute. Have you thought about just going forward with the 6 remaining BMs and the 7 GMs? We have a wedding party of 6 BMs and 5 GMs and will just have the best man escort two bridesmaids, or have my sister's husband step in to be her escort. No matter what, we just decided to try to find a way around it, since we had everyone we wanted in the bridal party - we didn't want to ask someone else just for the sake of asking them, or ask someone to not be part of our day. Just a suggestion. Let us know how it works out! GL!
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    BabyFruit Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    keep it the way it is.  It's not a big deal to have uneven sides.  I have it very uneven, because I had a friend drop out too.  Our BP is 4 GM and 3 BM, but 5 of those are there for FI, and only 2 are my choice.  DO NOT put someone in just for the sake of symmetry!  DO NOT hurt someone else by asking them to drop out. You'll deal with enough drama and expenses with the big bridal party you have now, don't do anything that will create more.  Leave it as it is now, and be grateful that your friend had a valid reason for backing out.  (if it's in your budget, maybe offer to pay for her dress as her "gift" so she can consider staying in the wedding?)
  • edited December 2011
    I agree with the other girls, uneven sides are okay!!! They should be there because you want them to, not because it has to be even.... Sorry she dropped though, and as you said, at least she didn't wait til last minute, or until after the dresses were ordered.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • edited December 2011
    I agree that it's best to leave it as is.  I love symmetry a lot, so I can see how it would frustrate you, but it's not worth it if it means hurt feelings or picking someone just to make it even.  Good luck!
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  • EDK2010EDK2010 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thanks! I definitely agree with not asking someone to step down. I am leaning towards uneven sides, I can have my little brother who is 16 by himself.I appreciate your honesty, I wanted to see what you all thought! I will let you know what we decide tonight.
    TTC #1 Since July 2011
    BFP #1 2/28/12- 3/3/12 CP at 4w3d
    BFP #2 4/1/12- 5/7/12 Missed M/C at 8w4d (measuring 6w3d)
    TTC on hold until December
    image
  • edited December 2011
    I agree, I only have 2 and  FI has 4. I have no idea what this will mean for pics but I only wanted the 2 people and he has 3 brothers. GL!
  • EDK2010EDK2010 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think we figured it out! Thanks for all of your advice I really appreciate it!FI  suggested asking one of his GMs girlfriend. They've been dating for 8 years (all through high school) so FI is pretty close with her as they all grew up together. I've gotten to know her well too. She is already coming down from Toronto for all of the wedding festivities and was super excited when we called her to ask her. We both feel good about asking her rather than a random cousin for the sake of symmetry! For those asking about whether I could buy my BM who backed out, Nikki's dress. The dress wasn't the problem they are $120 it was the $700+ plane ticket she would have to buy which we can't really help with. We are already helping with accommodations for our wedding party as most of them are flying in.
    TTC #1 Since July 2011
    BFP #1 2/28/12- 3/3/12 CP at 4w3d
    BFP #2 4/1/12- 5/7/12 Missed M/C at 8w4d (measuring 6w3d)
    TTC on hold until December
    image
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