Bridesmaids want to change after ceremony

angiedfin

I have 4 bridesmaids in my wedding coming up on June 2 and two of them want to change out of their dresses after the ceremony!  I'm not ok with this and I realize it's my wedding and what I say SHOULD go, but I also feel bad because I want everyone to be comfortable.  I have never been to a wedding in my life where the wedding party changes into regular clothes after the ceremony.  Honestly, in my opinion, I think it's pretty tacky!  What's everyone elses thoughts on this?

QueerFemme

I think, as long as ALL of your formal pictures are over... this shoudn't be that big of a tragedy. 

Avion22

Did they have any input in the dress selection?   Maybe they are uncomfortable with how the dress fits or how revealing it is, or maybe they don't think they'll be able to get their groove on. 

If they helped pick out the dress, then I think it's pretty weird that they would want to change.  But if you picked out something for them, and it doesn't suit their body type or is too revealing for them, then I can totally understand why they would want to change.

theholograms

I wouldn't like it personally...

angiedfin

They all helped pick out the dress.  It isn't revealing, not tight fitting either and they all think the dresses are very cute.  They are black with hot pink sashes, so it's not like they are a hideous color either.  I guess I personally feel that if you are asked to be in a wedding, you should expect to wear the bridesmaid dress for the whole wedding, start to finish.  It's not so much a tragedy, it's just not what I would like them to do.

QueerFemme

Well, the "wedding" is the ceremony.  You are asking them to wear it for the reception, correct?  I agree that it isn't ideal... but, if they aren't typically "dress" people, and they would rather be in clothes are more comfortable to them, I personally would rather have them comfy.

One of my BMs is wearing the most hideous pair or black boots with a long satin BM dress, because those are her most comfortable shoes.  I cringed when I saw them... and it is certainly not what I want... but, I'm sucking it up and letting her be comfortable.

angiedfin

For the whole wedding day, is what I meant.  The one wants to change to a different black dress and the other to a completely different kind of outfit.  Just thought it to be strange.

QueerFemme

Ok. Yeah, I think, to want to change into another dress would be weird to me.   If they were changing for comfort reasons, I probably wouldn't think twice...  but, to want to do a wardrobe change is iffy.

jemmini6

I changed after my sister's wedding.  Granted, it was outdoors and very breezy, so I was constantly doing a Marilyn Monroe impersination...it was also a VERY casual wedding where she specifically told people jeans and "western wear" was preferred, so I didn't stick out.

But to change from a comfortable dress, into another comfortable dress seems odd to me.  At the end of the day though, it's really not going to be a big deal.  Once all the pictures are finished and the party is under way, you won't care who's wearing what, you'll be too busy having fun with your new husband.

abcollins08

Personally I wouldn't be ok with it and have never seen any BMs change at other wedding receptions nor did I change clothes when I was a BM. 

One on my BMs did ask if she could change into flat shoes for the reception.  I am totally fine with that!  She is tall and her BF is already shorter than her so I think it's more to do with that than comfort.

Nightt

I think I would be a little upset if my BM wanted to change right after the ceremony. I can understand changing into comfortable shoes but changing outfits would be a little much. By them changing outfits it might also make the rest of the party feel a little awkward assuming the GM will be in tuxedos.

Do you have friends or family who are attending the reception but not the ceremony? If so, some friends/relatives may want to get some group photos. You could tell your BMs that some group photos may be taken at the reception and that it may be a good idea to stay their dresses.

angiedfin

Yes, we do have a lot of people coming to the dance that will not be at the wedding ceremony itself.  Which is part of my reasoning why I really don't want them to change.  I even asked the 2 that want to change if they were uncomfortable in them, or if they just didn't like them.  They both said no, they think they are great!  I guess my thought is that this is a one time thing so it just shouldn't be an issue.  I've been in several weddings and most of the dresses weren't "me", but it's the brides day and things should go how she asks.
I know the girls all feel comfortable in their dresses.  They are very flattering dresses and all 4 of my girls have recently lost weight and they all look great!  I guess it's just strange to me.  I also bought all of them fancy flip flops to change in to for the reception/dance.  They are all very grateful for that and will not have to worry about uncomfortable shoes.

firsttimersluck

Honestly, if they are changing into a different dress, that makes me things one of two things: 

1. they hate the dress that was chosen or 

2. they are being a little attention needy and want to wear something sexier to stand out (especially if you have a bunch of single guys coming) 

I think it's rude of them.. Especially if they helped pick the dress out.. Something must be up if they think the dress chosen is "great" but still want to change. Did you outright ask what the deal was? It just seems so ridiculous to me... 

kimandjosh22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_bridesmaids-want-to-change-after-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:0608d1f5-28ce-4105-8a70-f4d812b4051aPost:d79a6498-59fd-478c-9958-b68812422a15">Bridesmaids want to change after ceremony</a>:
[QUOTE]I have 4 bridesmaids in my wedding coming up on June 2 and two of them want to change out of their dresses after the ceremony!  I'm not ok with this and I realize it's my wedding and what I say SHOULD go, but I also feel bad because I want everyone to be comfortable.  I have never been to a wedding in my life where the wedding party changes into regular clothes after the ceremony.  Honestly, in my opinion, <strong>I think it's pretty tacky</strong>!  What's everyone elses thoughts on this?
Posted by angiedfin[/QUOTE]

I'm assuming they're planning to change into something less formal.  From all your posts it seems that they were involved in the picking of the dresses and by agreeing to be your BM they should have expected to be wearing those dresses all night when they were picked out.  The way I see it that by accepting the duty of being a bridesmaid they are supporting you on your wedding day, in some cases I suppose that could mean helping deal with any minor guest crises so you don't have to, and at a party with 2 new families mixing together their dresses might be helpful in helping guests know who they might ask some specific question.  I've also been in a wedding where some of the BMs changed into Jeans after the 1st dance, and you're right it was tacky.  I can see changing into more comfortable shoes (I got my BMs sparkly flip-flops for the reception), but I'm assuming all the other guests will contimue to wear the clothing they arrived in?

JennLax

I wonder if maybe they are uncomfortable in the dress and didn't want to tell you in case it hurt your feelings....  I don't see any other reason why they'd want to change. 

I'm wearing a lovely dress in a lovely colour for my friend's wedding and I did help to pick it out.  However, I have put quite a bit of weight on since then and now I feel really self conscious showing off my arms/back/shoulders in the little strapless number.  Luckily the bride realized how I was feeling and suggested i get a nice cardigan to make me feel more comfortable.  

Maybe they liked it at first, but it doesn't fit right or isn't as comfortable now that they have it ordered in their size?

It does suck, but I'd let them change in case they are feeling self conscious.  My BFF's comfort level is WAY more important than how my pictures look or if everyone attending knows who the BMs are.  

jsurmacy

I think wanting to change during the reception is rude and beyond tacky. I would totally support you telling them absolutely no changing their dress for the reception. I'd never do they if I were a BM so I'd be appalled if someone did that to me.