Battle of the Dress!

MrsAirmanWright

I have my own preferred style of dress. As most women have I have dreamt of my dream wedding gown for years.  However, my Air Force fiance has his own ideas.  He wants plain and simple, he is okay with some beading or embellishment on the top but wants simple elegance.  Thats all fine except for the fact that I like a little more beading and sequins and I love lace where he hates it.  

I guess my question is what do I do?!  I want to make him happy and make sure he loves the dress and thinks its gorgeous but I cant seem to find a happy medium between what he likes and what I like!  My mother and friends say its my day and I wear what I want but its his day too.  Its our day to share together and I want to make sure he is just as happy.  As soon as I can get ahold of a picture of the dress he loves and one that I like maybe you all can help a bit more but advice for now about what to do would be amazing! 

ChristineNB

I think you should wear whatever will make you happy.  I am not telling my fiance what to wear, and he has not had any say in what I am wearing.  I know he will look great no matter what, and I will wear the dress that I love.

MrsAirmanWright

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_battle-of-the-dress-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:0ab5b152-d451-41c2-93e7-4fabcdb373c4Post:64f4cdf2-16a2-4a32-9332-94bfd902d8d8">Re: Battle of the Dress!</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you should wear whatever will make you happy.  I am not telling my fiance what to wear, and he has not had any say in what I am wearing.  I know he will look great no matter what, and I will wear the dress that I love.
Posted by ChristineNB[/QUOTE]

<div>Thats what I was thinking but he is SO PICKY!  He sits behind me as Im on the computer looking and each one I pick out he has something to say!  I just know as particular as he is being about it that he will fuss if he doesnt love it. I know that sounds awful and like he needs a reality check but I contribute the way he is to the military.  I guess a part of it too is because he, just like a woman, has it in his head how he envisions things.  I have never found a man so interested in helping plan!  He will be wearing his Air Force mess dress so I really cant use that argument lol </div>

Michellea86

I agree with PP, my FI accidentally saw a pic of a lace dress that I love and his comment was "it looks like a tablecloth" I just laughed and said that he was crazy. I didnt tell him that it was a dress I was considering purchasing. He probably wont even remember on the day of. Buy what you love and what you feel comfortable in!! Good luck!

Habs2Hart

Dresses will look 100% different on you than they do online on a model, which is why you can't get stuck on one dress that he loves online, because it might not look good on you.

Go to the store, try on dresses, all kinds of them. Some with lace, some with bling, some plain.  Don't let him see it.  Just love it yourself, because he's going to be looking at you on your wedding day, not trashing your dress. 

kd.joseph

I agree with PP's. Is he going shopping with you? If not I wouldn't worry about it too much.

I know you want to be considerate to his feelings, but you have to wear what fits you and what you love. Believe me the day of, he wont think anything but how beautiful you are, promise!

timsflower81

I think maybe you should take him shopping with you.....  when you have on a dress you don't like it will be very apparent.... once you find "the one" or even "a few" you'll be beaming ear to ear.  He will see that and hopefully come around.  You may very well be suprised at what you agree on once you are in a store with the dress on your body.  I know the PP's are saying its "your day, wear what you want" but it sounds like you FI is very picky and the last thing you would want is to regret your choice or your FI to feel that his feelings are not important to you.   One thing to consider is that he loves you for who you are...along with that package comes your fashion sense which he obviously likes

bandjwedding2012

Wear what you want to wear. My fiance was the same way. We were flipping through magazine's and he saw a dress that was very similar to the one I got. He said he hated it and that I would look like silly. I never told him it was like my dress, fast foward to a couple weeks ago. He saw the same dress he didn't like before and now he likes it. The only thing they changed was the model wearing it. Go with what makes you happy, he won't notice the dress at all, he'll be looking at you.

Avion22

Explain to him that photographs in magazines and online are tweaked so that you can see all of the little details, and that in real life the details usually look much more subtle.   In fact, the dresses almost always look a million times better on actual women than they do on the models.

I doubt he will even notice the details of your dress on your wedding day, and is only going to notice how beautiful you look in it.  

Out of curiosity (because I'm Air Force), is he wearing his uniform for the wedding?  Becuase there are a LOT of details on Air Force Mess Dress (medals, insignia, studs, rank, cuff links, braid on the sleeve, etc), so I find it odd that he wants YOU to wear something subdued when he's going to look like a six-year old's idea of a Mexican General :-)  Just my .02.

dubird

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_battle-of-the-dress-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:0ab5b152-d451-41c2-93e7-4fabcdb373c4Post:7e62ae1c-8ad6-4a5b-ab47-6f30bb45bb1f">Re: Battle of the Dress!</a>:
[QUOTE]Explain to him that photographs in magazines and online are tweaked so that you can see all of the little details, and that in real life the details usually look much more subtle.   In fact, the dresses almost always look a million times better on actual women than they do on the models. I doubt he will even notice the details of your dress on your wedding day, and is only going to notice how beautiful you look in it.   Out of curiosity (because I'm Air Force), is he wearing his uniform for the wedding?  Becuase there are a LOT of details on Air Force Mess Dress (medals, insignia, studs, rank, cuff links, braid on the sleeve, etc), so I find it odd that he wants YOU to wear something subdued when he's going to look like a six-year old's idea of a Mexican General :-)  Just my .02.
Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]

That could be why he feels that way.  He can't exactly un-adorn his uniform, and maybe he's secretly worried that with you in a detailed dress, the two of you might look to 'blingy' for lack of better word. 

Granted, it's your dress, and unless you get some super blinged out frilly lacy thing that sparkles all over, you should be fine. 

pattib5

Get off the computer and get him in a store with you. Dresses look SO SO different in person on you than they do in a styled ad image. What looks good in a magazine ad may not look good on you and vice versa.

Also, I've found that men tend to respond more to the model in the ad than the actual clothes the model is wearing.

My advice is to take him shopping with you to try on dresses at ONE store. He gets to see you in some dresses, try on some you pick, try on some he picks, and get his input. After that, kick him out of your shopping trips, don't look at anymore dresses in front of him. Your lips are sealed on the dress you buy until he sees you in it on your wedding day. No matter what you wear, he'll think you're the most beautiful woman in the world. (At least he'd better!!

ceh789

So 2 thoughts.  First one... he's helping you shop for your dress?  Traditionally, the groom will see the wedding dress for the first time when you walk down the aisle.

Second - when he sees you walk down the aisle he is going to think you're beautiful even if you're wearing a burlap bag.  He is NOT going to think ... "man, I love this woman but that dress has too much lace!"

MrsAirmanWright

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_battle-of-the-dress-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:0ab5b152-d451-41c2-93e7-4fabcdb373c4Post:66ac4fe1-3d25-437c-b7f6-b9ac5d7000e0">Re: Battle of the Dress!</a>:
[QUOTE]So 2 thoughts.  First one... he's helping you shop for your dress?  Traditionally, the groom will see the wedding dress for the first time when you walk down the aisle. Second - when he sees you walk down the aisle he is going to think you're beautiful even if you're wearing a burlap bag.  He is NOT going to think ... "man, I love this woman but that dress has too much lace!"
Posted by ceh789[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I had taken him to a shop and he was behind me while online because I wanted to see what type of dresses he likes.  He isnt helping me shop for it, I was more or less getting ideas of what he would like to see in my dress versus what I want.  He WILL NOT see the dress I ultimately pick and will most likely not go with me on anymore trips to any stores. </div>

mnols

once you're all made up, veil on, jewelry on and it's the wedding day, he's not going to notice lace or no lace, he's just going to be in awe of how you look!  Get what makes you feel confident and happy, and that will show more on your face than a specific dress detail.

harpsdesire

My fiance is determined to wear a kilt for the wedding, and although at first I felt cheated out of seeing him look incredible in a tux, in the end it came down to each of us wearing something that made us feel special.  It was more important to me that he get what he wants in our wedding than that he dress to my preference.  I think most people feel that way when it comes to the ones they love.

I think you should wear something that makes you feel like the bride of your dreams (while making some consideration to his taste, if possible).  I think when he sees you walking down the aisle looking confident and radiant "too many beads" will be the last thing on his mind!