Military Brides

Gabs71109

Hi Ladies, I don't know how many of you are out there but I was just looking for some "help". I have an intern this year and she is phenomenal. Her husband is in the National Guard and being deployed to Afghanistan for a year. He leaves Thursday for training, will be back for Thanksgiving, and then leaves again for training before being deployed in January. Having no military experience I am just looking for general "advice". I know that we are not all the same and she will certainly cope in whatever way she needs to but I am wondering any of you have gone through this and what your friends and family were able to do for you to make things easier.  She lives far from school so DH and I have offered for her to stay with us if there is ever inclement weather and she does not feel safe to drive the hour home. We will certainly invite her over for dinner and I will invite her out for ladies nights. These are all things I would do for any of my friends no matter what they were going through.  I don’t want to be overbearing but I certainly don’t want to ignore how difficult this is going to be for her – at the same time I don’t want to be presumptions in assuming that I “know how hard this must be”.  As she was leaving today (she is taking tomorrow off to be with her DH) I said, “I won’t always know what to say but I will always have a hug for you.” We hugged and she started crying. DH and I met her DH last weekend. We had them over for dinner. Her DH is awesome and they are so sweet together. My heart breaks for them. Any advice you could share would be greatly appreciated. Of course there is the general “ just be there for her” but if there is something in particular that your friends/family did for you that really helped I would love to hear it. Thank you for reading.

dls.1215

I'm not a military bride, however being a military child I can relate somewhat, my dad has been deployed more times than I can count. I can say that just being there for her will be huge, she will know that if she is having a bad day she can come to you. It will be hard, a fine balance between being there and being too much and overwhelming. I would say if you are close any time you can spend with her shopping or even a pedicure to her will help keep her mind off things. There is nothing worse than spending every night alone and thinking about his absence. Maybe having a weekly/monthly "date" for shopping or coffee will give her something to look forward to. Also as his coming home gets closer, maybe help her set up something to surprise him on his return, decorating their house etc. because it will give her something to do/look forward to in the last few months/weeks which are always the longest. Hmmm thats all I can think of from previous experience with my dad and step-mom. Hope this helps!

EDK2010

My co-worker's FI left for Afghanistan yesterday. She has a hard shell and comes across as having it all together. I know she is obviously quite upset, but she is tough to read.I can't really offer advice but this is what I have tried to do to do to reach out to my co-worker, I have invited her to join a book club with me and have also offered to do girl's nights etc. with her whenever she wants. I think the biggest  thing is just putting the invite out there for social gatherings. I plan on inviting her along to suff on weekends when I know she will be home alone. They own a house so I have also told her if she needs FI to help with anything around the house just to ask!GL

Steffy3217

Gabs - My friends DH was in the air force and was delpoyed for about 8 months. After he got back they got engaged. Basically it was important to just keep in touch and treat it as if nothing was super different. Also I would ask her how things are going. I'm sure your intern/friend will be thankful to be one of the gals and that will keep her mind off some of it. I know you're an amazing person and friend, so I'm sure you'll be a great friend for her to have at this time in her life.

MrsWilson0611

I am a military bride, my FI is in the U.S. Navy.  He has been on submarine deployments for the past ten months, often the only communication we have for 3-4 weeks at a time is through censored e-mails.  On Saturday he is coming home permanently to serve on shore duty and it will truly be one of the happiest days of my life.  It is so nice that you are going out of your way to be there for your intern!  Acknowledging that she is going through a difficult time is the most important thing that you can do.  It's great that you are giving her the support of knowing that she can talk to you when she has a hard day or stay at your house if she needs to.  Inviting her out for girls night, having her over for dinner, taking a class or any other fun activity are all good ideas.  It's nice to have something small to look forward to and take your mind off the deployment.  It sounds like you are doing an awesome job so far!

jthennigar

I just wanted to say that I think Gabs is great I don't have any experience with family or loved ones going in to the military or being deployed, and for that I am thankful. However, I know your intern will be so appreciative that you are thinking about her. Your hubby is lucky to have married someone so caring and thoughtful!

xokristina89

Thats cute that you want to help her For me, it helps to talk about FI, like what he is doing, but it also helps to keep busy and not think about him. When I'm going out on weekends it makes the time apart go by way faster. He's in the marine corps and although he's not deployed right now, he's stationed 3,000 miles away in California. So just try to invite her to do things with you (without your DH or, if hes there, try not to be too affectionate. it'll only remind her of what she's missing.) ..............And don't bring up the news!!!!

Gabs71109

Thanks so much for all of your comments. She has become a really good friend and I just want to be there for her as much as I can be. Thanks for the advice and kind words. This is why I love NH knotties!