OPINION: "reception" dress?

annapolis bride

My original wedding dress has double layer satin, a semi-cathedral train, and lots of pretty beading. However, I'm only 5'2" and weight 120lbs. Needless to say it is A LOT of dress for my little frame, but I still like it. I was concerned that towards the end of the reception, when all of the partying happens (I am a dancer), that I would get too hot and feel like I would faint. My wedding coordinator suggested that I get a second, less expensive "reception dress" that I could change into after pictures and dinner, before the partying starts. I actually found a pretty, less elaborate dress for real cheap so affordability is not an issue (I have not bought it yet). Plus, I figure I would have a better time if I were more comfortable. What are your thoughts/opinions on "reception" dresses?

mbcdefg

Honestly, I view it as a waste. If your "ceremony" dress is too heavy or uncomfortable, then IMO you shouldn't wear it in the first place. I can totally understand being hot or sweaty from dancing, but if it gets to the point where you feel faint or where you cann't comfortably move around in it, then I think it's not a wise choice for a dress. No matter how pretty it is.  And it also rubs me the wrong way that some brides out there can't afford one wedding dress, whereas some brides buy two or more just because they don't want to compromise between them. So, that's my opinion - stick with the one you already have, or sell it and then buy a more comfortable one to wear all day. Obviously it's your choice.

bridesrighthand

Well, it's not your fault that you can afford a second dress and some can't afford one. So, if you think you'll be hot after a long while in it, I say get the other one. I would worry about it being too uncomfortable for the whole wedding....but if you think you'll be ok for the wedding, but not the reception, then get the other one.

duckie1905

I agree with the above poster, I think they are complete waste.  I've seen it done at a few weddings and I usually view them as either a ploy for more attention (ooo look, she has two dresses for us to compliment) or she couldn't decide on only one so she purchased two.There are so many other things to spend money on when planning a wedding, I wonder why anyone would spend money to two dresses (no matter how inexpensive).

duckie1905

Oops, I mean: spend money to *buy two dresses

KristinTravis

I personally don't plan on having a reception dress, whether it be a less formal wedding dress, or just a simple dress. I love my wedding dress so much that I want to be able to wear it the whole night! You only get to wear it once, right? I am even planning on wearing it into the limo and on the ride to our hotel room for the night...even though it is rather poofy...may have to find something to change into for the limo ride, as much as I don't want to do that. Of course, as PP have said, it's your opinion. If you feel you won't be comfortable dancing and partying in it, then get the other dress. It doesn't matter that some brides can't afford to do that and buy two dresses...if you can and it's affordable, go for it! You will want to be comfortable.

anhngo

I loved my gown but wanted to purchase a short white dress for the very end of the reception (last 15 minutes or so). We were meeting up with guests that wanted to party on past our 11pm ending time and I didn't want to show up in a long white gown. I wouldn't judge a bride if she changed or didn't change - it's her day.

chasegl

I'm about your size, and I understand exactly how you feel.  I always wanted the big princessy dress, but I just don't know how practical it is to be in it all night.  I bought a simpler dress I love that I can wear for hours.  Now I'm trying to decide whether to get one like I've always dreamed of for the ceremony.  We'll see what happens.  I will say that my price point for a "ceremony" dress is lower since I wouldn't be wearing it very long.  I'm also looking at the preowned sites.Oh, and I think it's a shame that people would criticize you (or anyone) for having two dresses or try to make you feel bad for wanting another dress when there are people less fortunate.  Feel blessed that you're in the position you're in, not guilty.  There are lots of different reasons why brides might choose more than one dress.  I know one girl who wanted to wear her mothers/grandmothers dress out of tradition, but also wanted something that was just hers - so she got two dresses.  Then there are those that have interfaith marriages who get two dresses - is that crazy, too?I guess I'd have to ask - Is it more of a waste to spend $15,000 on one new Vera Wang or $1,500 total on two dresses?

PDXMartha

It's traditional in many cultures to have multiple dresses (I've heard upwards of seven) for the ceremony and reception. Do what you want! It's also traditional, though less common these days, for a bride to change her clothes into a going-away outfit when she leaves the reception.

razdazzle_22377334

I tend to see it as a waste.  But I also feel like I want to buy that one dress I never want to take off.If you can afford the second dress, it is your wedding - not mine - so go with what you feel is right for you.  There are always going to be opinions about wedding related things, but in the end it only matters what you and your FI think.

mbcdefg

Oh, and I think it's a shame that people would criticize you (or anyone) for having two dresses or try to make you feel bad for wanting another dress when there are people less fortunate.Where did I say I was criticizing her? She asked for thoughts/opinions on reception dresses. Nowhere did I say she had to be ashamed of herself or that she's a bad person. I simply stated my opinion that buying two dresses is a waste. I don't like wasting things, whether it's two wedding dresses or buying 40 handbags that you don't need or getting a bigger car than you need.

OFF

I thought about a 2nd reception dress but my ceremony is so short I think my mom would kill me if after all she paid for the dress I changed out of it after a few minutes and wore something else. I do like the idea of having a cute little something for the after party if we have one. Do whatever you want it a cute comfy dress makes you happy go for it!

bsbkr1982

Why not get 2 dresses and the 2nd one you could also use for your rehearsal dinner? I personally love when brides where a white dress to their rehearsal dinner. On a second note, I think anyone who would berate you for buying a second dress because it is "wasteful" is just jealous. I also agree with a PP who said what is a bigger waste: one that is 15k or 2 that are well below that price? I think it's crazier to spend that whopping 15K on one dress, but really to each their own.Today's weddings are about show casing our personalities. And essentially, if you think about it a wedding is two processes and each are totally different. The ceremony should have a traditional dress that you can feel like a princess in. But if you're a dancer and want to feel a bit sexy at the reception, why not? In many churches you're not allowed even minute sexy details, so why not show your sexier side at the reception.And ultimately, do what pleases you. Don't worry what anyone else says.

duckie1905

I'm pretty sure that just because I think two dresses is a waste doesn't make me jealous. I loved my dress so much, and was so comfortable in it, that I wanted to wear it all day. I'm also pretty confident that if a person thinks that two dresses are a waste they aren't going to be purchasing a $15000 dress anyway. Every bride has a right to purchase as many dresses as she wants or spend as much money as her heart desires on one. I also think $15000 dresses are wasteful but that isn't what the post was about. The OP asked for opinions, and in my opinion, they are wasteful and, in my experience, simply ploys for more attention or a result of the bride's complete inability to make a decision. No one "berated" her.

charlene411

No one may have been berating her specifically but saying what she wants to do is wasteful and a ploy for attention isn't exactly a positive spin....i'm just sayin'...

duckie1905

She wanted opinions. That's what she got.

mbcdefg

Well, you know, not every opinion needs to be sugar-coated. "Blunt" is not necessarily "mean." Telling someone, "Well, it's YOUR DAY, so you should do whatever makes YOU happy! *hugz*" isn't very helpful either. And even so, saying that I find it to be a waste is not a direct insult to her. It's giving MY opinion of the situation, which she asked for. I also think coffee is gross, skinny jeans look ridiculous and the New York Yankees are a bunch of bums. So does that mean that I'm "berating" coffee-drinkers, skinny jeans-wearers and Yankees fans? Of course not. Had I said something like, "You're an idiot for buying two dresses," then yes, I'd agree with you that that's uncalled for.

chasegl

Honestly, I view it as a waste. If your "ceremony" dress is too heavy or uncomfortable, then IMO you shouldn't wear it in the first place. I can totally understand being hot or sweaty from dancing, but if it gets to the point where you feel faint or where you cann't comfortably move around in it, then I think it's not a wise choice for a dress. No matter how pretty it is. And it also rubs me the wrong way that some brides out there can't afford one wedding dress, whereas some brides buy two or more just because they don't want to compromise between them. So, that's my opinion - stick with the one you already have, or sell it and then buy a more comfortable one to wear all day. Obviously it's your choice. Just because you try to put a disclaimer in your post that it's your opinion doesn't make it automatically non-judgmental.  You can give your opinion (e.g., I don't get it/I don't like it) without being judgmental (e.g., it's a waste; you shouldn't wear it in the first place; it rubs me the wrong way...).  You post quite a bit, and it seems that more often than not, you're rather critical of brides in general.  Don't get what I mean? It's MY OPINION that you have some sort of a chip on your shoulder.  IMO, you're also pretty defensive.  I'm just giving my opinion, but I bet it won't be received well.  I just think your views would go a lot further if given with a little more respect.

[Deleted User]

I am also fairly petite 5'2''-3''ish and in the 100lb ball-park. My dress is also big, poofy and I am starting to wonder if at the end of the evening I will want to slip into something less heavy. I have found a "reception" dress I like that is pretty inexpensive, but right now with all the stuff that still needs to be taken care of, like my FIs watch or ring, musicians for our ceremony, invitations, reception decor, and other problems that only be solved with throwing money at them I have a hard time not justifying it in my mind as another trend touted to brides to spend even more money on their weddings--as if we don't spend enough on our weddings already! Obviously, we live in a free country with a free-market economy. So, yeah, if you want to do it it's your money and no one has the right to dictate you how you should spend it since you earned it, even though there are still plenty of people who will anyway. And yeah when you ask for opinions, everyone has an equal right to give their opinions, just not all opinions are equally well-reasoned. So far I have decided to hold off on the idea of buying another dress simply because I am wondering if I didn't spend the money on a second dress what could I do with that money will actually have a bigger impact than just another dress? On a side note. There is a difference between predicating a person directly and predicating a person's choice or action. IE: "X person is Y becuase they did Z" vs "Z is Y." The former can be taken as an insult because the predicate modifies the subject. The latter cannot becuase the predicate only modifies the subject's predicate. From what I could tell Mbc was commenting on the choice and the action rather than the actual person.  To paraphrase, she did mention that it ruffles her feathers when she sees brides who choose not to compromise between two dresses when others can only afford one, and in so doing she implied that a bride should have just one dress.  I don't particularly agree with the sentiment as I think each bride is different and comes from a unique mix of cultural and economic backgrounds so a one dress fits all is a little too cookie cutter for my taste.Why not just say that every bride deserves to look beautiful on their wedding day and get back to discussion on reception dresses rather than repetitive flames?

Alko726

I considered the possible inconvenience of the dresses I tried on before I bought one because I didn't want to deal with the the troubles of "too much dress" for my size. I think, however, that if you didn't think about the whole "getting too hot" thing when you purchased your dream dress because you were only thinking about walking down the aisle in it, I don't really blame you for having regrets about your dress choice after the fact. That being said, it might be better to just buy a cute, inexpensive dress (like you said you found) to wear for dancing rather than trying to sell your dream dress for less than what you paid, especially if you can't find another that you like better just so you can wear it around all night. You want to feel beautiful and comfortable that day, and if you think you'd have a better time in the reception dress, it may be great decision for you.

mbcdefg

So what, pray tell, am I SUPPOSED to say? "Well, sweetie, it wouldn't be my first choice, but it's your Special Day and you should do whatever you want? Good luck *muah*!" Something like that? Good gravy. People are so damn sensitive on this website.

NicoleandMatt47

I like the idea, but I probably wont do it. In my area a lot of people only come to the reception... and I wouldn't want those people to only see my "less loved" dress! But I think if you like it and you'll be more comfortable... do it. Nothing like a sweaty exhausted bride in photos!And I think someone else not having money to even buy one dress has nothing to do with it. That's just life. People don't hold back on buying houses because other people are homeless. Whether she buys the 2nd dress or not is not going to help out the girls that can't afford 1. So if she has the money, she shouldn't feel bad about buying it.

chrystalyn

so i'm having 2 dresses... and i love the reception more than the ceremony dress. i think i had a hard time considering having a short wedding dress... my brain has always associated long = wedding. but, i endlessly go between very elegant and understated & retro and offbeat... and i couldn't decide which i preferred. the reception dress (the short one) was also found on my first day of shopping. i went ahead and bought the short one (maggie sottero 1/2 price!) and just kept looking for the fun of it. when i found the long, understated kay unger, i couldn't help myself. it was the other extreme (from what i had) of the perfect dress. between the two, it still was half of what i had budgeted. it's reasonable to consider it a waste, but it's also reasonable to consider having exactly what you want since you're only going to get married once (or @ least that's how you go into it). i've even considered selling one after the wedding and letting someone else enjoy it too. it felt overly extravagant at first, but then so is spending thousands of dollars for one day of your life. you might as well make it whatever you dreamed it could be to the best of your ability. enjoy!

november0610

I too am considering purchasing a dress for my reception.  I have a small frame and I want to make sure that I am comfortable when it is time to "party" with my guests.  It is your day and the option is totally up to you.  I asked a couple of friends for their opinion on it and they are all for it.  Many brides do it.  It is not for attention, or showcasing.  You are just trying to make the most of your day and be comfortable enough to enjoy it.  I say GO FOR IT! Besides, there are many dresses that you can purchase that you will be able to wear again and again.

milwain85

I'm also considering having a reception dress to change into LATE into the evening, right before we head to the hotel. I'm having a Catholic mass (and reception), so I think being in my dress for 7-8 hours definitely "gets my money out of it." But to me, it's not about money. I am thinking about getting a reception dress because I do not want to climb into the limo/car/carriage/whatever we end up having in my wedding dress and having my wedding dress with me at the hotel. I would much rather change at the end of the reception and leave my wedding dress with my mother to take precious care of for me. Also, I'm wearing blue Jimmy Choo's and want them to show (I can't wait to read the nasty comments about that). But, I don't want to wear a short/tea-length dress at mass, so changing into a short white dress toward the end of the reception seems like a good idea to me. I think there are people on this board who are very insensitive and like someone said "have a chip on their shoulder," which is why I rarely post, and I never post about my budget/costs for specific items, etc. because heaven forbid someone will turn it into a discussion on "wasting money." Every bride deserves to have her dream wedding day. If that's having 2 dresses, go fot it. If it's wearing a red wedding dress, go for it. Do what makes you happy. I think this site is a great place to share ideas or excitement for the big day, but it's an awful place to ask for advice because nasty women like to leave snide remarks for no reason. Happy Friday

bsbkr1982

I hate how there is a certain individual in this thread who has a real issue. I don't need to look up "berate" in the dictionary because I know what it means. You certainly sounded like you were scolding and there was quite a length to your response. So yes, in the technical sense of the term, you were "berating" her.You sound angry and yes, jealous. She did ask for opinions, but the way you phrased your response was more than just an opinion. My suggestion would be to look at some Q&A articles in any magazine. Most of them show tact, and especially so when a professional is involved. Oh, and yes I know you're not a professional.I'm done wasting my time with this though. I have a wedding to plan with the man of my dreams.Choose whatever dress, or combo of dresses you want. The people who truly love you and are there for your day are not going to care what you're wearing anyway.

lap256

I'm petite too, with a tendency to faint. I'm planning on bringing the dress I wore to my engagement party to change into only if I start to feel unwell. I want to wear my dress the whole night, and I doubt I'll have to change, but having a back-up just in case will put my mind at ease.