I dont know what to do/say. Help please....

lizbabydoll

Okay, It took me a month to decide wich dress I wanted for the bridesmaids and the MOH, wich is going to be the same style and color (lightblue) for all. Our sisters are going to be the BMaids and my best friend is the MOH. They're paying for their dresses (wich they approved bc we are on a tight budget). They live in different places *Puerto Rico and the US* and have "different shapes", I ended up choosing a dress from Davids Bridal's wich I liked a lot and its more acessible for them. They were all happy with the dress and what not. Until TODAY. My MOH talked to me online (my phone is dead) telling me that she found a dress that she loved for $56, I was like okay? She said the color is darker (Navy Blue) than the one I chose and since she's the MOH she should be wearing a different color/style. (Wich was not what I wanted). I told her if she needed help buying the DB's dress? That we could help her a little. She said: that she doesnt want to buy an expensive dress that she doesnt like at all and wont wear again, that if she's going to invest money in a dress it has to be worthy. It really hit me bad, she said few weeks ago that the dress I chose was pretty and will fit everybody perfectly. I started talking to my FI and started crying at the same time (I'm very sensitive today). I didnt knew what to say and after few minutes ended up telling her "That was not exactly what I wanted. She will have more flowers on her bouquet than the bridesmaids to make it different" and she logged off w/o saying anything. Our wedding is going to be at 3pm right next to the beach, thats why I chose a light soft color to match with everything. What should I do? Any advise? I just can't think anything else and my FI is just telling me to tell her: "B***h, you wanna be my friend and in the wedding? Wear what I tell you. Peace." haha.

bridesrighthand

Bottom liine: She is being ridiculous. It is YOUR wedding, NOT hers. Although she may not like the dress, it's ultimately NOT HER DECISION! If you dont' want her in a different dress, DO NOT let her sway you. If she gives you crap, tell her you love her and want her there, but you will not let her dictate what you want for your wedding. Period.

Sheri Ruth

It is your day and she is being selfish and absurd. It is also tradition for bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses. It should weigh in on their decision whether to accept your invitation to be in the wedding party. Your day. Your choice of dress. Period.

Bellabride2B

If you could find the money I would just tell her you are buying it for her because it is what you really wanted the girls to wear. That would solve alot of problems about the situation, and stop any potential fighting. Normally I would say just let hem all wear any blue dress, and they dont have to match perfectly. But, since everyone else is wearing the same dress I see your point. If you cant come up with the money to buy it for her, I think you have to lay down the law and tell her that IS the BM dress, and you want everyone to match(FIRMLY). It sounds like you are not speaking up enough for yourself, and she is very pushy. Stick to your guns!

midnite007x

i am getting married on the beach and i have opted to allow my MOH to wear what dress she wants, she has picked a printed dress from DB and from that i am accenting it putting the rest of the BM in the solid color from her printed dress. however, i am allowing my BM to pick whatever style they want b/c they all have different body shapes......BUT...... i do feel very strongly that when you accept to be a BM in someone's wedding you accept the financial responsibilities and you also accept the fact that you may have to wear a dress and/or color that you dont like. i think it was very nice of you to even ask thier opinions on the dress in the first place and take thier budgets into consideration. i think she is being selffish in return. i cant help but wonder what she was thinking when she said she would be in your wedding?? it strikes me odd that she still got upset after you offered to help her pay for the dress?? no one knows this friendship better than you and her....i would just send her an email stating that you are confused at why she is upset with you over this b/c when you accept to be a BM in someones wedding you are there for them and it shouldnt matter what color of dress you have on. if she is really in this to support you, it shouldnt matter if you put her in a polka dotted dress!!! pint out that you offered to help her pay for it and she still was upset.......just seems like to me there is something more to this than a dress.

mbcdefg

Well, I can see both sides of this:Your side: I agree with you. It's your wedding and you should have the final say over the color and style of the dress. And if you don't want the MOH in a different color, that is absolutely your right. And part of being a BM is buying and wearing a dress that you probably won't *love*. Her side: It seems like you picked out the dresses on their behalf, right? Did you have each girl try it on? Did you ask them all their budgets in private before you picked the dress? Even if your MOH agreed to the dress's style and price beforehand, she may not have been honest ... it's hard to say no if you asked them all in a group and she may have felt like the only one who was vetoing it. There's a lot of peer pressure involved with being in a wedding, sometimes. And "Wear what I tell you" isn't exactly a fantastic way to treat one's friends, if you know they're unhappy with that dress. So, my suggestion - compromise. Keep the fabric, length and the color that you liked from David's Bridal, and tell each girl to pick her own style from those specifications. They will still be uniform because those features will be the same, but they get more flattering dresses because they can pick their neckline. Maybe your MOH would feel better if she could select her own dress, and you'd get what you wanted in terms of color and the overall style. And if MOH doesn't like it, then I think you have the right to say, "This is really what I want for my wedding, and I think I was being quite flexible in letting you pick the style. If you're truly unhappy with it, then I totally understand if you'd rather be a guest and wear whatever you want, and there will be no hard feelings."

SpringBride1114

Tell her thats the breaks of being a bridesmaid and not a bride. If you wanted her to wear a hefty bag she should comply. It is YOUR day, YOU are paying for, going to have expencive pictures from, ect. Don't compromise, if she refuses to get that dress then she just can't be a BM. And if this causes her to not be in the wedding, she wasn't that great of a friend to begin with, to have it ruined over a flippin dress. Sorry, but I'm in a piss poor mood today PS: FI is right about this, take your love's advice

lizbabydoll

Thank you girls! I haven't talked to her bc i cant find my charger, but i did sent her an email telling her how I feel. I followed your advise its what I want it to be, its my day. At the end of the message I asked her if she thinks its to much for her to be a MOH? and that she should let me know if she stil wants to be there. I also reminded her what she told me few weeks ago that if you agree to be part of the wedding party you agree to spend/wear/do whatever the bride wants. And that I'm not making her wear a bright red dres with blue and orange dots and a green wais ribbon lol. The dress Style: 83312 from Davids Bridal. Color: Pool midnite007x- yeah after I offered my help she still said she doesnt want to buy something that she doesnt like. Plus mom told me today she has a $20off cupon she can use! My FI is paying for the wedding, we are just getting a little help from our parents. We are on a budget and buying her a dress was not in the plan and by buying her a dress it will compromise other stuff that I want for the reception. Nobody has complained about the dress, my FI's sister is in a really bad situation right now and she's raising a daugther by herself, she's gonna buy a plane ticket (the wedding will be in Puerto Rico) and what she did? Put the dress in lay away and paying it little by little (her mom is also helping her, she is happy about doing. His other sister has a partime job (she's only 18) and she got all excited about buying the dress to! My mom is paying for my 2 sisters dresses (they're 16 and 19 years old).

jonandnicole

This is your wedding, not hers. If she is truly a friend, she will wear what you ask her to wear. I got the opinions off my bridesmaids and MOH when I picked my dresses. But, the colors were up to me. The dresses at David's Bridal are not that expensive and they have payment plans. Even you offered to pay for the dress. If she doesn't like it, she's being rude and not doing her duty as MOH.

lizbabydoll

Very true. I finally talked to her on the phone and asked her wich are her options since Im not going to change the dress/color... She said she doesnt know that she doesnt like it and her husband kind of joking said "Liz you have to get another MOH". Thats rude. I am NOT being mean to her or what not. I just thought she was my best friend and that being a MOH was going to be a good place for her. But oh well, Im not gonna let that ruin my wedding, I already cried for 2 days lol and not anymore.... I will give her a month to see if she can make up her mind, if not! Bye bye....

SpringBride1114

Liz~ You're nicer then I would be. Your wedding is in 2 months and you're giving her a month to get over her attitude. I would say see ya hunny, enjoy the view from the seats. Just hold your head up high and have fun in the last few weeks!

midnite007x

i do have to say after the last conversation that you posted....talking to her on the phone, i dont think i would give her anymore time.im not sure what her problem is but at this point it seems like it is more than just a dress, especially since you have offered to help pay for it and she is still saying no.

lizbabydoll

Yeah. A month is to long!! A week is better, if she doesnt make up her mind, I will talk to my cousin to be my MOH, she's a good sweet candidate (Man why I never thought of her lol). I've learned (in my case) best thing you could do is keep the WP with family lol (if "friends" give you trouble). And I am pretty sure theres something else going on and she's not being open with me at all. But nobody will cares about our wedding like we(you) do, thats for sure. Besides a dress, she complained about the flowers (saying that carnations are used for funerals), the hairstyle that I picked (she was giving me other ideas, way far of what I picked), the flower that I want in my hair (that I should wear a starfish instead), that I shouldnt wear a veil, the wedding centerpieces (she wants me to have something thats not on my budget) and as of right now I cant remember what else. I was her MOH at her wedding (2 months ago) She told me to pick the dress that I wanted, fine, that was her desition (she only had me, I'll have 5 girls total and I want them to match). She asked me to give her $175 knowing that I am not working and my FI had to pay for it, He complained but I begged him and well he gave me the money. I was going to Puert Rico to visit for 2-3 weeks but she asked me to stay a week before the wedding. I ended up staying in PR for a MONTH by adding that week! and didn't complained (besides I was missing my FI like crazy). I was always there making sure everything was perfect (her hair, nails, makeup, dress, decoration)...... Mom said I should let it go and don't be impulsive-pushy trying to have answers right now, thats what I am doing... trying to be relaxed...

midnite007x

honestly...this sounds like a typical case of "jealous bridesmaid, after the fact".....shes already married and liking your ideas and plans for your wedding better than what she did for hers....so she is offering suggestions of anything and everything for you to change your stuff around so that your wedding wont end up "better than hers"....call the cousin.....