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New Hampshire

Deceased Parent

Hi. I wanted to see if anyone did something special at their wedding for a decease parent. It will be 3 years since my mom passed away in February and I want to acknowledge her in some way but don't want to turn the wedding into a memorial. People have told me about leaving the chair next to my dad empty but that just seems horribly depressing to me and other people have told me about having a special picture with maybe some flowers at the reception but that to me also seems like a memorial. I want to find a way that acknowledges that she is still apart of the wedding. Thanks!

Re: Deceased Parent

  • edited December 2011
    I attended a wedding this summer and thought the bride acknowledged her deceased mother in a very touching way.  She attached the table numbers to small bud vases with a daisy in them. In the middle of the table was a framed note with a pic of her mother. The note explained how the mother loved gardening so much and how daisies were her favorite flower. Is there some hobby, color, etc. that was special to your mom that you could incorporate in your wedding details?
  • edited December 2011
    DH's mom passed 7 years before our wedding day and like you, we did want to honor her and loved ones who had also passed but didn't want to leave an empty chair, candle or rose because we didn't want it seem like a memorial.  We had our JP open with some beautiful words in remembrance and also had a little note in our program for those who were with us everyday in spirit and forever in our hearts.  It's a tough one but I'm sure you can get some great ideas on here. *we also though about having both sets of parent's wedding pictures next to the programs at the ceremony but never got around to it. GL
  • edited December 2011
    We did a table with parent/gparent wedding photos and did memory candles. I hate reposting this because I completely forgot which knottie I got this from so please forgive me if you're out there!  We did tall candles with a paper print out wrapped around it - photo of the family member, name nickname and the phrase 'this light shines as a symbol of life and love remembered. Then near that we had this poem framed: Though your smile is gone forever, And your hands we cannot touch, Still we have so many memories, Of the ones we loved so much Your memory is our keepsake, With which we'll never part, God has you in his keeping, We have you in our hearts Although we cannot see you We know that you are here Smiling down, watching over us As we say "I do" Forever in our hearts Forever in our lives And so we say our vows In loving memory of youIt didn't really give a memorial feeling , people really seemed to love it - espeically my mother in law. People kept asking "where did you get that idea!?" I simply told them, there are some fantastic and talented people on the internet that love to share.  Hope this helps!
  • aiwanickiaiwanicki member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Hi, i'm sorry for your loss. My father passed away this year and i'm getting married next summer so I too was thinking of different ways to honor my dad. One idea we have is to have a picture but also a letter from me and FI to my dad. Just saying I miss you and wish you were here. Also I'm not sure of how your mother passed but I have seen people put pins on their wedding boquets to honor their parent. Weather it is a picture of her or something that symbolizes your mom. Sorry again for your loss. Good luck with your wedding planning.best wishes
  • ljparentljparent member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My mom had passed 8 years before our wedding and we  struggled deciding on ways to remember her. It was more important for us to feel this than for our guests (If that makes since) so we tried to add things to our day that would help the two of us remember her and smile :)We had a short 2 line quote in our program and her name (along with grandparents)Our JP opened the ceremony with a bit of remembrance and a quote from my mom's journal I wore her veil (revamped to be my style)I had the bridesmaids carry her favorite flower, tulipsAnd lastly my dad and I danced to her favorite song. Lots of little things that the two of us and close family would know and a couple bigger things for all guests to see/hear.
  • edited December 2011
    I am so sorry about your loss. I lost my father shortly before your wedding and DH's dad passed a couple years ago and we felt the same way...we wanted to honor them without it becoming a memorial. I think adding her favorite flower to your bouquets is a great idea. Is there a piece of jewelry that you could wear to be your "borrowed"? I had a bouquet charm made with my father's image and tied it to the bouquet so he was "walking" with me. It may be too lovey-dovey for a Father-Daughter dance, but could you dance to "their" song as your first dance? DH and his mom shot that idea around but the song was more about lovers and was determined to not be appropriate... ;-) We also played a quick song that both of our Dad's liked during the ceremony to acknowledge them. Good luck and keep us updated :)
  • rachael898rachael898 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thank you all for your ideas. I definitely have things to work with. I am so sorry that so many of us are missing such important family memebers
  • edited December 2011
    We lost a few family members (no parents) before our wedding and we just put a small note in our program that said "In memory of loved ones who could not be here with us today"
  • edited December 2011
    I am very sorry to hear about your loss. My mom passed away 7 years ago, and my wedding is in March next year. I found your post doing a search to see if anyone is in the same situation. I don't know about anyone else, but being engaged brings up a lot of feelings of loss and sadness because I really don't have any family members or friends who will be there for me like my mom. I just worry about being sad on my wedding day. I have decided to mention her in the wedding program as my late mother, but I'm afraid that anymore acknowledgement would be too emotionally difficult for me and my guests. I'd love to talk to anyone here who are in the situation and dealing with similar feelings.
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