Court Marraige???

CrystalSenne

My fiance and I are getting married in May of this year. For personal reasons, we were weighing the idea of having a court marraige the day BEFORE our wedding, and then having his dad do the vows for us at the actual wedding and reception. His dad happens to be a pastor, (an unordained pastor) so it would be nice if he could do our vows.
We aren't extremely worried about having our anniversary be the day before our wedding, however I would like some advice, or your opinions and thoughts on this.
We will still have a full wedding, with wedding dress, ceremony, reception. The only difference is we will ALREADY be married as of the day before.
Have you  or anyone you known ever done this same thing? Why should, or shouldn't we do this?

Is this a good idea?

monkeysip

I'm sorry, but this is just a bad idea. 

Your wedding day is the day you get married.  If you went to the courthouse, that would be your wedding day.  The next day would just you playing pretend and saying meaningless repeat vows in a white dress.  It would be dishonest to your guests, and completely pointless.

You say "for personal reasons".... what kind of reason could you possibly have to get married the day before your "wedding" at the courthouse?  This makes no sense.

I can give you many reasons why it's a bad idea.  I can't think of one reason why it's a good idea.

firsttimersluck

I don't understand the point of this.. Is it because you want someone you know to marry you? Because the fact is.. he wouldn't be marrying you.. sooo... If that's your "why" for it than you're defeating the purpose.. Just ask him to get ordained online or something.. 

mlg78

A good idea? You haven't sold me on that yet. A friend of mine and her husband did elope quietly without telling anyone before he left for a tour of duty in Iraq in case something were to happen while he was away. Everyone knew they were engaged and she continued to plan their wedding while he was away and they had their wedding upon his return. In my opinion, that is a more legitimate reason to do it this way. It's not ideal but I completely understand why they made that decision.

mlg78

In Response to Re:Court Marraige???:[QUOTE]I don't understand the point of this.. Is it because you want someone you know to marry you? Because the fact is.. he wouldn't be marrying you.. sooo... If that's your quot;whyquot; for it than you're defeating the purpose.. Just ask him to get ordained online or something..nbsp; Posted by firsttimersluck[/QUOTE]

Not every state allows this...

CrystalSenne

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_court-marraige?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:222ded0d-af14-40b2-902f-1594a57720d4Post:60daff0a-0cd6-4d45-bd0c-110b043392a5">Re: Court Marraige???</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry, but this is just a bad idea.  Your wedding day is the day you get married.  If you went to the courthouse, that would be your wedding day.  The next day would just you playing pretend and saying meaningless repeat vows in a white dress.  It would be dishonest to your guests, and completely pointless. You say "for personal reasons".... what kind of reason could you possibly have to get married the day before your "wedding" at the courthouse?  This makes no sense. I can give you many reasons why it's a bad idea.  I can't think of one reason why it's a good idea.
Posted by monkeysip[/QUOTE]

We have also thought about doing it the day OF the wedding, since it would keep our anniversary on one day. The reason is because of family issues. I was turned away from my parents a while back, (an easier way of saying disowned), because I chose to follow the college major and career choice I wanted, instead of being what they wanted me to be. They also spread false things about me to every one including any pastors I know, including my uncle, who i had wanted to be the officiant of my wedding.
We don't have the money to pay for a government officiant to come out to our wedding, so that is what brought us to this idea. Than having his dad, who we are close to and is very accepting of us, can do our vows.
What do you think?

mlg78

In Response to Re:Court Marraige???:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Court Marraige???:I'm sorry, but this is just a bad idea.nbsp; Your wedding day is the day you get married.nbsp; If you went to the courthouse, that ld be your wedding day.nbsp; The next day would just you playing pretend and saying meaningless repeat vows in a white dress.nbsp; It would be dishonest to your guests, and completely pointless. You say "for personal reasons".... what kind of reason could you possibly have to get married the day before your "wedding" at the courthouse?nbsp; This makes no sense. I can give you many reasons why it's a bad idea.nbsp; I can't think of one reason why it's a good idea.Posted by monkeysipWe have also thought about doing it the day OF the wedding, since it would keep our anniversary on one day. The reason is because of family issues. I was turned away from my parents a while back, an easier way of saying disowned, because I chose to follow the college major and career choice I wanted, instead of being what they wanted me to be. They also spread false things about me to every one including any pastors I know, including my uncle, who i had wanted to be the officiant of my wedding. We don't have the money to pay for a government officiant to come out to our wedding, so that is what brought us to this idea. Than having his dad, who we are close to and is very accepting of us, can do our vows.What do you think? Posted by CrystalSenne[/QUOTE]

Where is his dad a pastor? Can you have the real ordained pastor do it?

QueerFemme

Look online. Craigslist has people to officiate for a couple hundred bucks. Or see if you can have his father ordained in your state. Don't have a fake wedding. Its tacky and rude to your guests.

TheVirginians

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_court-marraige?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:15Discussion:222ded0d-af14-40b2-902f-1594a57720d4Post:ea9b5ebf-e937-4cf8-8ee9-fd016e030f7c">Court Marraige???</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I are getting married in May of this year. For personal reasons, we were weighing the idea of having a court marraige the day BEFORE our wedding, and then having his dad do the vows for us at the actual wedding and reception. His dad happens to be a pastor, (an unordained pastor) so it would be nice if he could do our vows. We aren't extremely worried about having our anniversary be the day before our wedding, however I would like some advice, or your opinions and thoughts on this. We will still have a full wedding, with wedding dress, ceremony, reception. The only difference is we will ALREADY be married as of the day before. Have you  or anyone you known ever done this same thing? Why should, or shouldn't we do this? Is this a good idea?
Posted by CrystalSenne[/QUOTE]

You put this same post on Attire, on Budget, on Reception, and on Ceremony. Just like you, we go board to board so there was no reason for starting four threads.

I think you should do it all at one time.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_court-marraige?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:15Discussion:222ded0d-af14-40b2-902f-1594a57720d4Post:4d8cd32a-0757-4505-aee0-63d2ca287f51">Re: Court Marraige???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Court Marraige??? : We have also thought about doing it the day OF the wedding, since it would keep our anniversary on one day. The reason is because of family issues. I was turned away from my parents a while back, (an easier way of saying disowned), because I chose to follow the college major and career choice I wanted, instead of being what they wanted me to be. They <strong>also spread false things about me to every one including any pastors I know, including my uncle, who i had wanted to be the officiant of my wedding</strong>. We don't have the money to pay for a government officiant to come out to our wedding, so that is what brought us to this idea. Than having his dad, who we are close to and is very accepting of us, can do our vows. What do you think?
Posted by CrystalSenne[/QUOTE]

Not a reason for what you want to do.  Our venue recommended the reverend who married us.  There are more officiants than just those that you know.  You'll find the rest of my answer on Receptions.

monkeysip

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_court-marraige?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:222ded0d-af14-40b2-902f-1594a57720d4Post:4d8cd32a-0757-4505-aee0-63d2ca287f51">Re: Court Marraige???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Court Marraige??? : We have also thought about doing it the day OF the wedding, since it would keep our anniversary on one day. The reason is because of family issues. I was turned away from my parents a while back, (an easier way of saying disowned), because I chose to follow the college major and career choice I wanted, instead of being what they wanted me to be. They also spread false things about me to every one including any pastors I know, including my uncle, who i had wanted to be the officiant of my wedding. We don't have the money to pay for a government officiant to come out to our wedding, so that is what brought us to this idea. Than having his dad, who we are close to and is very accepting of us, can do our vows. What do you think?
Posted by CrystalSenne[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry you've had difficulty with your unsupportive family, but I still don't understand how your court marriage, then "wedding" the next day would solve anything.

The legal aspect is not what makes your ceremony difficult.  Whether it's a legal ceremony or not, if you invite your family, you may have problems.  I don't get how getting married the day before will solve your family issues.

What does your FI want?  Would he want to just elope?  Either way, whether you elope somewhere, go down to the courthouse, or continue with a "traditional" wedding, the day you get married is your wedding day.  Figure out how to make it the best it can be.

AdeleDazeem

I've been invited to two fake weddings in the past two years (where the legal marriage happened before all the pomp and circumstance).  I'm starting to lose faith that any wedding I go to is genuine anymore.  I have no interest in going to a wedding re-enactment.

NONE.

unchatenfrance

Do it the European way and have the court wedding the same day. Then have his dad do a speech at the reception.

Are your parents coming to either of these 'weddings'? I fail to understand how them disowning you has anything to do with wanting to get legally married they day before your reception and vow re-enactment.

Maggie0829

I am confused.  So you have the money to throw a party and buy a big white dress but you don't have an extra $200 to pay for an officiant to perform the marriage ceremony on your wedding day?

I would find a way to afford an officiant (cut back on the booze, cut out the centerpieces, etc) and have him perform the vows but you can also have your FI Dad perform some of the ceremony as well.  I just think that the ordained officiant is the one who has to state the vows and sign the marriage license for it to be legal.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_court-marraige?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:15Discussion:222ded0d-af14-40b2-902f-1594a57720d4Post:7548e019-4be0-41e6-b9c3-2d455f62061d">Re: Court Marraige???</a>:
[QUOTE]Do it the European way and have the court wedding the same day. Then have his dad do a speech at the reception. Are your parents coming to either of these 'weddings'? I fail to understand how them disowning you has anything to do with wanting to get legally married they day before your reception and vow re-enactment.
Posted by unchatenfrance[/QUOTE]

This does not fly in the United States.  Here, clergy can perform the legally binding ceremony.

unchatenfrance

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_court-marraige?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:222ded0d-af14-40b2-902f-1594a57720d4Post:a68e6b87-96b1-4d6d-9fa3-44a40138c4ea">Re: Court Marraige???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Court Marraige??? : This does not fly in the United States.  Here, clergy can perform the legally binding ceremony.
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

<div>No, I know. But OP seems to be saying that FMIL is not an ordained minister, so that ceremony (the same day at the reception) would not be legally binding. Which is why they have to do a court ceremony, which she for some reason wants to do the day before. I am saying that if her only option is the courthouse, there is no reason why it has to be the day before the reception.</div>

unchatenfrance

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_court-marraige?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:222ded0d-af14-40b2-902f-1594a57720d4Post:78bada1a-6cb3-4299-98b4-dfe2ee59fb70">Re: Court Marraige???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Court Marraige??? : Her only option isn't the courthouse. She can hire an officiant like every other person who gets married. Her preference is to have FFIL do the ceremony, but since he can't legally, her preference doesn't matter. FFIL can do a reading, make a toast, or say a blessing at the reception. If he can't legally preform marriages, then having FFIL officiate isn't an option. Hiring a JOP is.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>She says she can't afford to hire an officiant (which I find hard to believe like PPs, but whatever). When I said the courthouse is her only option, that was in reference to the fact that OP has made that out to be her only option because FFIL isn't legit and she can't or won't hire an officiant. All I was saying is that if she can't/won't hire an officiant, I don't see why she can't go to the courthouse the same day as the reception. There's no reason to go to the courthouse the day before, as per her original plan.

</div>

unchatenfrance

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_court-marraige?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:222ded0d-af14-40b2-902f-1594a57720d4Post:212a0767-16ec-4593-a590-48255a5c7b20">Re: Court Marraige???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Court Marraige??? : She could, but then all of guests would think they were at a wedding ceremony when instead they would be at a wedding reenactment. Deceiving your guests ins't okay. She could have a private courthouse wedding and then a reception with everyone, but there should be no fake ceremony presided over by FFIL.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

<div>But if she has the courthouse ceremony the same day as the reception (private or not), that will eliminate the need for the re-enactment with FFIL. Which, agreed, needs to be scrapped regardless.</div>

misshart00

I don't know how it is there, but in my state, you have to pay for the marriage license and then the JOP at the courthouse on top of that. So, if you can't afford it the next day, you won't be able to afford it the day before.

Coocoo2013

OP - Do what you want. Don't let anyone tell you your marriage won't be real the next day. That's ridiculous. People do this all the time. You don't need anyone's permission so do what you want. It's your day, not theirs. 

Hope you have an amazing wedding day(s)!

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_court-marraige?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:15Discussion:222ded0d-af14-40b2-902f-1594a57720d4Post:d751ed3e-3388-4db7-984d-112748905f86">Re: Court Marraige???</a>:
[QUOTE]OP - Do what you want. Don't let anyone tell you your marriage won't be real the next day. That's ridiculous. People do this all the time. You don't need anyone's permission so do what you want. It's your day, not theirs.  Hope you have an amazing wedding day(s)!
Posted by Coocoo2013[/QUOTE]

OP do not listen to this advice because it is wrong.

Her "wedding" the next day will not be real because she is already married thus it won't be a wedding just a re-enactment of the previous days ceremony.

Coocoo2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_court-marraige?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:222ded0d-af14-40b2-902f-1594a57720d4Post:48d40ed3-3b68-4b03-be7f-e7bf84a380ad">Re: Court Marraige???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Court Marraige??? : OP do not listen to this advice because it is wrong. Her "wedding" the next day will not be real because she is already married thus it won't be a wedding just a re-enactment of the previous days ceremony.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Seriously? How can advice be wrong? And who are you to tell her that her wedding will be a re-enactment? Get off your high horse! Ever hear of a vow renewal? So what if it's the next day? Sheesh. I heard about the cattiness and drama on these boards but this is ridiculous. It's her day, not yours. Deal with it! </div>

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_court-marraige?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:15Discussion:222ded0d-af14-40b2-902f-1594a57720d4Post:98d8dd33-c7be-48eb-add4-6290c09ef3f8">Re: Court Marraige???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Court Marraige??? : Seriously? How can advice be wrong? And who are you to tell her that her wedding will be a re-enactment? Get off your high horse! Ever hear of a vow renewal? So what if it's the next day? Sheesh. I heard about the cattiness and drama on these boards but this is ridiculous. It's her day, not yours. Deal with it! 
Posted by Coocoo2013[/QUOTE]

There is a difference between a vow renewal and a wedding.  You cannot have two weddings.  You can have one, the day you take your vows and sign your marriage contract.  Anything else, whether it be the next day or 10 years down the road is a vow renewal.

What OP wants to do is have the legal ceremony the day before and then have the same ceremony with all the pomp and circumstance that goes a long with weddings the next day.  Thus it is a re-enactment of her true wedding day.  It is not a vow renewal because a vow renewal does not have all the wedding pagentry as OP is wanting.

Finally, this is a public forum and I can state my opinion however I want.  Your advice was bad and is the reason there are so many entitled brides out there who think that they can do whatever they want because it is there day and do not take into regard the feelings of others.  Once you include others into your day it stops being just about you and brides need to realize that.

OP came on here and asked a question, we did not search her out.  We provided her with an answer and suggestions on how to go about having her wedding without doing anything against etiquette or that would make her look bad.  But giving an answer that says "it is your day, do whatever" is not helpful.

Oh, and may I suggest that you tone down your responses, especially when talking to a moderator.  Personal attacks, which you are on the verge of, are not accepted on these boards.

Coocoo2013

It's like Nazi Weddingland over here. That's just MY opinion of course. Like I said on the other board, I didn't realize that there are rules and laws that apply when it comes to vow renewals and wedding planning. There is a way to make your point without sounding so snippety and judgmental. That's all I'm trying to say. Remnd me not to ask for advice around here on anything. I wouldn't want the Knot's high and mighty to flame me for something I would want for MY wedding. 

OliveOilsMom

OP - I found this passage regarding Michigan officiants:

Officiants:

Marriages may be performed by federal, probate, district, and municipal judges, and district court magistrates, in their court area; mayors, in their city; County clerks; ministers and pastors of the gospel, both resident and non-resident. The Michigan Statutes also have a provision that allows for marriages to "be solemnized in the manner heretofore used and practiced in their respective societies or denominations."

Your FFIL may qualify to marry you as a non-ordained pastor.  You should probably call your local county clerk to inquire if your FFIL would qualify.  Then you would only need to do the one ceremony and reception.

crosswordnerd

Wow...lots of opinions on here. I will have to say that while I agree that the actualy wedding day is the day when the couple gets legally married, I don't see a problem renewing vows the next day if it is common knowledge. In fact, that is exactly what I am doing. In our case, my fiance wants to have his friend perform a renewal of vows type thing because they have been friends since they were very small. However, we are not hiding the fact that we are getting married in the courthouse the day before. The renewal will happen on a day when the most people can come. It was important to my fiance to have his friend "officiate", which is why I am going along with it. I am very shy as well and he wants a bigger wedding than I feel comfortable with so the idea also works in that way. I get to sort of practice being in front of a smaller crowd in the courthouse when we say our vows before I renew them the next day in a bigger ceremony.
Having said that, I don't think it is a good idea in general to have a courthouse ceremony with a vow renewal the next day if no one knows it is a vow renewal. I have been honest and upfront about it. It is a bit strange but I think it will work if you are honest about it.

noahark1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_court-marraige?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:222ded0d-af14-40b2-902f-1594a57720d4Post:04981664-e204-4cce-8675-17a1dd16fa9d">Re: Court Marraige???</a>:
[QUOTE]OP - I found this passage regarding Michigan officiants: Officiants: Marriages may be performed by federal, probate, district, and municipal judges, and district court magistrates, in their court area; mayors, in their city; County clerks; ministers and pastors of the gospel, both resident and non-resident. The Michigan Statutes also have a provision that allows for marriages to "be solemnized in the manner heretofore used and <font color="#0000ff">practiced in their respective societies or denominations."</font> Your FFIL may qualify to marry you as a non-ordained pastor.  You should probably call your local county clerk to inquire if your FFIL would qualify.  Then you would only need to do the one ceremony and reception.
Posted by OliveOilsMom[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Definitely check with your local jurisdiction.  Many states/individual jurisdictions within states require a recognized following to be considered "societies or denominations" which on-line ordination often does not satisfy.   There are numerous court cases in which marriages were challenged and ruled not legal based on being solemnized by someone with on-line ordinations </div>