Attire & Accessories Forum

MOH Issue. Can anyone help with this?

I have 2 Moh's, and 2 Bm's. I need help. My MaidOH has been extremely difficult with dresses. She is a BBW, and the other 3 are all between 120-140 and no taller than 5'6". No matter what dress I choose, she shoots it down, saying she's gonna look like a cow. My dress is a chiffon mermaid, with the cascading skirt/train. She keeps choosing big poofy satin ballgowns. She's never been self concious like this, and the dress I've chosen comes in 2 lengths, but she's complaining about the other girls being skinny, and how if that's the dress I choose, she'll have to stand down. Without even trying it on. It's technically a cocktail dress(knee length) through DB, that also comes in a long version(classified as a MOB/MOG gown). The other girls like it, and the 2 lengths give them the option of whichever they wish. It's not a tight dress, but it is chiffon. She swears it's gonna hug her, etc etc.

We've had issues in the past, and my wedding will be the 3rd she's in this year. The dress she chose, is, I kid you not, a cupcake looking dress, that is the third most expensive dress DB has to offer for BM's. I'm trying to ease the budget here, as I'd already planned to contribute if a girl needed me to.

What do I do? Some people say cut her, including my mom and FH. They feel she wants to bow out, but if she does so, that she'll be asked why, and the answer "I didn't like the dress", won't be a good answer. But that if I fire her, she can essentially say "Oh, Cheetah changed her mind", or whatever. Plus, I don't want them in big ballgowns, or even satin. Nothing in our wedding is satin, not even my table linens.

There's more, but I feel like I've taken up enough of your time/space. Thanks ladies.

Re: MOH Issue. Can anyone help with this?

  • Go down a few posts and it sounds like I'm in a similar predicament with my plus sized MOH who is my bff.  I don't think kicking her out or having her step down is even remotely an option for you.  Just yesterday I decided to allow my girls to find whatever dress they feel is beautiful...but mine has no clue how to dress for her body type.

    No mermaid will ever look good on someone plus sized, in my opinion, and it baffles me as to why they offer some styles for plus sized women.  All is does is amplify the fat parts.  Are you at all willing to offer a flowy style for her similar to the ball gown she's chosen?  I'd choose the ball gown as well as it'd hide my trouble areas.  What is she wearing for the other two weddings?
  • Your bridesmaids do not all have to be in the same dress. Let her wear something she feels comfortable and beautiful in. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • She's your MOH, so it's fine if she's different. Tell lher to pick whatever chiffon *insert color here* DB dress she wants. Then she can try them all on and pick the one that she feels good in and still matches othe other girls. 
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
  • I understand wanting all your bridesmaids to be in the same dress, but for some body types, it's not always possible. Since she's your MOH, having her in a different dress, but in the same color and fabric would look great. David's Bridal has so many dresses to choose from, so this shouldn't be a problem for her to find something that she likes. If it is, I think there's a different issue going on rather than the dress choices. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_moh-issue-can-anyone-help-with-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:2a297769-d413-4359-9cbb-c7e81c3f78e4Post:a4e0b97e-b1ea-4496-9530-52818a437999">Re: MOH Issue. Can anyone help with this?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Go down a few posts and it sounds like I'm in a similar predicament with my plus sized MOH who is my bff.  I don't think kicking her out or having her step down is even remotely an option for you.  Just yesterday I decided to allow my girls to find whatever dress they feel is beautiful...but mine has no clue how to dress for her body type. <strong>No mermaid will ever look good on someone plus sized, in my opinion, and it baffles me as to why they offer some styles for plus sized women.  All is does is amplify the fat parts.</strong>  Are you at all willing to offer a flowy style for her similar to the ball gown she's chosen?  I'd choose the ball gown as well as it'd hide my trouble areas.  What is she wearing for the other two weddings?
    Posted by mlg78[/QUOTE]

    <div>I think that is kind of untrue and almost offensive. Plus sized women still come in different shapes. I'm a plus size, especially in bridal (I wear a street size 16, but more like a bridal 20) and trying on dresses I have found fit & flares and mermaids to be the most flattering on my body type. I'm pear shaped with a relatively flat stomach and I feel like those dresses certainly do not "amplify my fat parts." Most websites reccomended for me to try on ball gowns, and I felt like a marshmallow every time I put one on. I mean, sometimes I see stuff in plus sizes like booty shorts or metallic hot pink leopard print jeggings and I think "I could never feel comfortable wearing this at my current weight," but if some women do, they should feel empowered to do so. Thinking like that is exactly why plus size women have a limited selection of trendy clothes to purchase. </div><div>
    </div><div>OP- the other posters have given you good advice. Please do not kick your friend out over a dress. Try and get your mind out of wedding mode and you will realize how shallow this sounds. Can you show us the dresses your other BMs have chosen and the one she has chosen so we can see the differences? She's your MOH and it is perfectly acceptable for her to be in a different dress. Tell her you would rather her dress not be satin and tell her why, and I'm sure she will choose another dress in a fabric you like. Suggest you guys go shopping together so she can try dresses on. </div>
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  • Well, you can't fire her because she is not your employee.  kicking her out of the wedding party is a potentially friendship ending move, also not advisable.

    I agree that you should think about telling all of your girls what color and material you want and let them pick the dress of their choosing.  DB has some great colors, and many of their dress colors are available in tons of styles so she should be able to find something she likes.

    Has she tried on any of the dresses you have picked?  A lot of dresses look one way on a hanger or a twiggy catalog model and much different on real women.  Maybe if she tries on some of the dresses you like, as well as her cupcake ensemble when it's just the two of you shopping you can snap photos to show her. . . . . she might see that your choices actually look great on her.

    If you give her criteria, like color and material and she chooses not to pick a dress, she effectively removes herself from the wedding party.  At that time, she will be a guest in whatever she chooses to wear.  It may suck, but there isn't anything you can do about it.
  • Why not just let all of your BMs and MOH wear different dresses? If they are paying for them, just give them guidelines as far as color and length go and let them choose. Everything doesn't have to be all matchy-matchy.
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  • While I absolutely agree with the PP's I just wanted to point out that the OP says she has 2 MOH's so the the logic that its ok for the MOH (just becaue they are the MOH) to wear a different dress doesn't really help since it would still require finding the same dress for the plus-sized MOH and another non-plus sized MOH (based on OP's description).

    That's why I second the PP's saying to pick the colour and fabric and let your ladies decide!

  • the poster who listed all the db options, thank you. but after 2 hours, thats the only dress she likes. she's not the only moh, thats the other issue. I have a maid of honor(her), & a matron of honor.
    she downs every dress, or just says thats nice. she's wearing db strapless chiffon hi-low for one wedding, a strapless satin ball gown for the other. I dont want 1 person to be singled out. 2 are my good friends and other 2 are my youngest fsil, and my little sister. my other worry, is she's a single parent with 3 kids. I'm afraid she's gonna fall in love with a dress, she's not going to be able to afford.

    I don't wanna kick her out. others want me to bc of the dramatic tendencies. her only input has been to assert herself above everybody, announce loudly at db I was upset at gaining pregnancy weight so quick, and shoot down dresses.
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