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The Dress

so i'm newly engaged (he asked last friday on my b-day ^.^ )  and i'm already planning and doing what i can do to limit stress even though the wedding is over a year away.

last night was our weekly dinner family get together with Bubba's family and ofcourse the subject of the wedding came up.  during the course of the convo, the Dress was brought up and i stated that i was goign to wear white.

Bubba's grandma (who is in her 70's) stated (not suggested) that my dress shoudl be ivory.   now even though i'm a the a-typical red head i normally dont go from calm to nuclear in the space of less than 1 second; yet at her instance of telling me what color my dress should be 2 or 3 times i did exactly that.  infact i was so mad that i felt the anger flash in my eyes (something thats only happened once in my life).

you see, this is my 1st wedding and i'm only 27; to top that matter, Bubba is the only man i've known that way.  IMO i have a right to wear white in the traditional sense; leaving out the fact that it's an out dated tradition.

still though, its way too early for Mrs. Demon Bride to be rearing her head and honeslty i want to avoid any melt down at all during this event.  but apparently i'm alot more territorial about my dress than i imagined and this seems to be the "nuclear melt down" hot button issue.

given Bubba's grandma is a red head as well and "set in her ways"; and adding in that my mom is out of state and wants Bubba's grandma to be in on the dress choosing in her place; i'm pretty sure this "discussion" will coem up again.  i say "discussion" because as i'm paying for the dress and i'm wearing it, i'll be damned if someone tells me what i can and can't wear.


so, i guess aside from venting my anger to steed off the bridezilla inside of me, how would you guys suggest handling this issue when it comes up again without making it into a drama-fest?


- Red
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Re: The Dress

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    ginadogginadog member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited May 2012
    Well I'm 36 tomorrow, this will be my second marriage and I'm wearing white! 

    You can wear the dress you please - you're paying for it and you're pcking it! 

    Should they "discuss" this with you again, I would start changing the subject immediately.  Like, 'OMG, you won't believe what I saw in the store yestyerday!!!"

    I think if you get in a back and forth arguement it's not going to end with a winner.
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    I would probably say "I'm going to pick the dress and color that I feel looks best on me, but I appreciate your input"   And seriously, don't engage in the discussion.

    Also...  you may want to be open to ivory... NOT because of the reasons grandma is suggesting... but, I have found that ivory looks better with a LOT of people's skin tones... especially us pale girls.
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    WTF is wrong with people?

    Not only is that an outdated (and actually, not very old) tradition, but why do people think other people's virginity status is their business? 

    Seriously, change the subject every time and don't bring her dress shopping.  Politely decline and say you just want to go by yourself or only with so-and-so (whoever you want to bring).  It sounds like she would just stress you out.

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    Hmmm...are you sure she meant what you think she meant?  Ivory dresses are recommended instead of white for anyone with pale skin, including redheads.  When you start shopping, you'll find the majority of dresses you try on will actually be ivory.
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    Tell her to shut her mouth. You decide what you wear, not her. I, personally, wouldn't take her shopping with me. You mom may be able to come in to help you or something but you certainly don't need anyone to replace her. She will CLEARLY interject her opinion in what you wear. Try on what YOU like and if you like white, wear white. I have an ivory dress and a white reception dress and i'm perfectly happy. Good luck!
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    I'm a red head and I completely understand your calm to nuclear statement - LOL!!   My situation with my FI is also like yours.  But because I know my skin color and what looks good on me or not,  my dress is ivory because white completely washed me out more.  White, I think made me look older in a not so sexy kind of way.  But that's just me!  If you are absolutely wanting white then go for it!  This is your day, your dress, your style, your moment.  Grandma's can give their advice and that's why we should respect them but it doesn't mean we have to follow it.  Good Luck in finding "The Dress"!! 
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    I'm curious to know why she sys you shouldn't wear white, besides your hair.  Wear white if you want to.
     
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    I am pale and, while I am not a red-head, ivory is MUCH more flattering than white on me. You may want to go try on a few dresses before you start yelling at your future grandmother-in-law. She may have just been talking about your best colors, and not about the state of your hymen. Wedding planning will be stressful if you let what everyone says get to you, too. I've found that, in most instances, everyone means well when they suggest things. Just breathe and relax, and have fun with the process. Congratulations and best wishes to you and your new FI!
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    If she really is talking about the old tradition that only virgins should wear white, then you're just dealing with a generation gap here. I don't know what is wrong with all the girls telling you that you should tell her to shut up. That is not the way to start things with your new family. If she brings it up again, I would politely explain to her that you don't particularly agree with that tradition, without actually mentioning that she doesn't know any better because she is old! If it continues to be a problem, you can always try changing the subject. Again, though, it is YOUR day and YOUR dress. If she decides to make your first shopping trip miserable because of this, then you don't have to invite her to the next one!

    Don't rule out ivory, though, just because you want her to be wrong, there is a very good chance it will look amazing on you!
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    I agree, it's kind of outdated to say that you shouldn't wear white because you're not a virgin (I'm guessing this is what she alluded to). However, I'm with the other ladies that ivory can often be a lot more flattering. I'm a bottle redhead but a real pale girl, and I really thought white would look best, but then I started trying on. I would definitely suggest not buying anything in white if you haven't at least tried on one of the designer's dresses on in white (in fact, if you go to Imaginations in Brookhaven---I didn't get my dress there but highly suggest them--they won't let you buy anything in white white that you haven't seen on, they've had too many breakdowns by brides who hated how things looked). 

    Don't discount getting a really beautiful dress just because it's not pure as the driven snow. I found that with several designers their ivory is so close to white, with others it's more cream. Don't limit yourself to spite grandma.
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    I found, during wedding planning, that talking to my mom we sometimes had disagreements because of our age gap but talking to Grandma we ALWAYS had disagreements!  My grandma forced my mother to wear ivory because she was pregnant on her wedding day, but as you said, you are buying the dress so you get to pick it!  

    I was also told that ivory would be better with pale skin but personally I liked the "diamond white" more and I'm having a winter wedding so I didn't want the ivory to look dirty against snow.
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    Red2111Red2111 member
    First Comment
    edited May 2012
    thanks everyone for the responses  and well wishes *hugs*

    i'm not ruling out Ivory, infact i know that because of my skin tone white may not really complement me at all, but i'd prefer to wear white tbh.  i haven't began trying on dresses, but i'm also one of those rare Red Heads that can pull off wearing Red (because my hair color is more copper/strawberry blonde).


    i called and tlaked to my mom about it, and her advice was much the same as most of ya'lls.  that Mamaw may hve been referring more to the clash of tones and i may have misunderstood.  and that if the issue comes up again just tell her (in a none offenseive and nice way) that

    "Mamaw, i love you to pieces and while i appreciate your advice, any decisions concerning my dress are not up for debatle." and leave it at that.


    the main reason i'd prefer white over ivory is because white dresses look stunning, more of a selection at lower prices, and my colors are "Gold and Black" (after the Sinats football team, i let Bubba pick them lol) so my brides maids will be wearing Gold (probabaly a more deep or pastel gold) with black accents preferrably.  by them wearing gold, my ivory dress wont really stand out much from them color wise ya know.
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    I say wear pink if you want to! This is my first wedding and I'm wearing ivory ( http://platformsandpearls.com/index.html?entry=le-dress ), not because anyone told me to but beacuse it just compliments the look I'm going for more. Don't let anyone pressure you into something you don't want, this is your wedding! I actually went out on my own and got my dress to avoid any kind of conflict like this. Do what you want girl!

    xo, KMH
    http://platformsandpearls.com
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