Is anyone Working with Out of State BMs?

leyne

THREE of my five bridesmaids are out of state - FL, CA, NC - and I'm having trouble deciding how to go about picking their dresses.
 
For your BMs, did you ask them to go and be fitted for a dress at a bridal salon or did you simply ask them to order a certain dress from a catalog like J Crew or Ann Taylor... or something else entirely?

I'm just trying to weigh my options and pick what's going to easy, cost effective, and still put them in dresses that are well made and beautiful.

mbe

Or the easy way....

bride picks out a dress from a local bridal store

Bride tells bridesmaids to go to the store or if they are out of state, go to a store near them for proper measurements

bride gathers measurements and brings them into the store she choose the dress from to determine size (some stores even allow BM to call in their measurements and they talk about the size over the phone)

store orders all the BM dresses at the same time so they are cut from the same bolt of material and are the same color/dyel lot

Bride or store ships dress to BM that are out of state

Very easy. Bridal stores have been doing this for decades. Order from different stores and the colors won't be the same (yes, even on black gowns). Davids or other off the rack stores or catalogs won't promise they are the same color.

Good luck!

swim1011

I'm using Aria bridesmaid dresses.  They have 3 actual showrooms, and can mail out the dresses wherever you need, for $15 a dress.  Two were able to go to a showroom in DC with me, two have done the try on program and had no issues. 

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_anyone-working-out-of-state-bms?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:31ff8636-a866-46e1-a7e6-e83120f90a6ePost:05ea0fb2-f5a7-4bc0-ba8d-4c07f13ee971">Re: Is anyone Working with Out of State BMs?</a>:
[QUOTE]Or the easy way.... bride picks out a dress from a local bridal store Bride tells bridesmaids to go to the store or if they are out of state, go to a store near them for proper measurements bride gathers measurements and brings them into the store she choose the dress from to determine size (some stores even allow BM to call in their measurements and they talk about the size over the phone) store orders all the BM dresses at the same time so they are cut from the same bolt of material and are the same color/dyel lot Bride or store ships dress to BM that are out of state
Posted by mbe[/QUOTE]
Bride ends up with bridesmaids looking uncomfortable in unflattering dresses, which makes for some seriously awkward pictures.

The days of bridesmaids quietly acquiescing when the bride says, "You're wearing this" are pretty much over.  Especially if the girls are spending their own money, they expect and deserve a say in what dress they wear.  And in 99.9999% of cases, the differences in dye lots are so infinitesimal as to be undetectable to the naked eye.

You CAN do it this way, but it creates more drama and stress then giving the girls a little freedom.  Comfortable bridesmaids are beautiful bridesmaids.

COnoviaSarah

All four of my BMs our out of state and none in the same state.  One in WI, IA, WA, and AK.  We did the same thing as Mandybear--JCrew.  I picked a color and fabric and they picked their own style.  This worked pretty smoothly for us!

deborah2121

I have 9 BM's in PA, MA, NY and MI.  In the end, I am having them each choose her own long black dress.  I eliminated some fabrics that end up looking gray in pics and one that I hate.  I think one is borrowing a friend's and others are going to stores of all sorts.  My bigger dilemma to them being out of state is that they range from a petite "I might beg pregnant this year" size 4 to a 26.  So, options like J. Crew were out. 

I did find a Boston based bridal shop wherein BM's could have tried on the designer (Jim Hjelm) anywhere, gotten measurements and ordered online through the shop.  The shop planned on ordering the dresses once all measurements and payments were submitted.  I was going to do this before nixing it. 

PP have lots of good ideas.  I think it truly depends on your wishes, the number of BM's, their sizes, your color and other personal decisions.  Good luck!

slappy985

All mine are from out of town.  I gave them a few different styles to choose from and when that was done I called netbride and got a great price.  Everyone seemed happy to have an affordable dress that felt was their style

dmlk413

Two of my three BMs are out of state.  I am choosing a dress I liked from David's Bridal and asking them to go to their local DB to try it on.  If they hate it, fine, they can pick out another dress as long as it is knee-length, satin and comes in the correct color.  I don't really care whether or not they have the same dress as long as they are comfortable.

Lisaden2010

My MOH is from CT and the bridesmaids NJ and I know what I want for them and they're all dofferent sizes so all you have to do is pick the fit and the thing is david bridal is everywhere have them all try on the dresses and order them. Thank god for web cam and email and text with picture! Don't stress roll with the punches. Congrats and have a wonderful wedding.

baystateapple

One bridesmaid and my MOH are all in CT, one lives in RI, one in NH, and one in Maryland.  I just gave them the color (apple red) and the length (tea or knee-length) and told them to have fun.  My little sister (my MOH) picked out her dress already, so I sent them the picture of it so they'd have some idea.  I don't care if they all look the same or not.  I want them to be comfortable and not spend more than they want to.  It's way easier than hunting them all down and worrying about them all looking good in the same dress.  Good luck!

ib4eplz

I ordered mine from a small dress shop because that is where they were the cheapest.  I got free shipping to the store because I ordered before I certain time.  I am sending it out to my BMs that are out of town so they could get alterations done.  the only worry I am having is we are adding a halter strap to the strapless dress from the shawl.  I will probably request a specific width when I mail the dresses to the other girls.  I liked the idea having different dresses but at davids bridal--my color was different compared to what I wanted.  so yea..and I didn't really see anything at j crew.  maybe I wasn't looking hard enough. 

junelley

Yay, feel so much better I am not alone in dealing with out-of-state BMs. All 3 of my BMs are out-of-state. In the beginning, we agreed that I'd pick the designer, color, and length for the dresses, and they can pick their own style.  I thought they would appreciate the freedom in picking their own dresses and I wouldn't be able to take it if I know I am making my BMs buying dresses they hate.  Fast foward a few months of unresponsiveness from the BMs, they told me that they prefer that I pick out a dress.  (Maybe they are indecisive BMs like I am an indecisive bride!)  Right now I am in the middle of doing this. I found a dress that I really like and hope is the one (I hope they don't reject it), and my plan is to order from Pearl's Place for the discounted price, after getting the measurements from them.

Hope it works out well!

jpirrung

My MOH was 6 hours away, we just went to David's Bridal together and she picked up her dress where she lives....it was pretty easy.

hayleymajayley

picked designer, color, material, length and sent them a TON of suggestions. Everyone ended up picking the dress that my MOH had, because it's awesome. I collected everyone's measurements and ordered them. we ended up giving everyone a different shade of blue, but since I wanted to pay everyone's downpayment I ordered them at the same time and I'll send them to my out of state gals when I get them in.

berrytr

One BM is out of state, one travels a lot for work and one is local.  I chose the color (black) and told the ladies to select a long dress that suited their style.  They email a photo of the dress to me for my approval.  I will purchase their accessories as a gift.

jinxed8605

I had 2 Out of state BMs, WA and OR with my other BM being local in GA. We went with David's Bridal. Choose the styles you like and the color and just give that info to your BMs.

SMSRTL2010

All of my bridesmaids/MOH are out of town - so I had local friends try on styles by various designers and would send pictures to get an idea what people would like. Once I narrowed down the designer I sent each a list of local vendors to them so they could try them on and decide. After that they just sent my local store all their order forms and then DONE!

sarahb0485

I have six girls across four states. I picked out 10 styles that came in the same color for them to pick from. They've gone to various stores to see the dresses and get measured.The dresses are being ordered from the store closest to the wedding and the girls are taking them home with them at the shower. 

fenwaykate

Three of my five bridesmaids are out of state; we went the J Crew route.  Everyone searched online for desirable styles, agreed that J Crew was universally flattering and easy, and then when they went on sale a few weeks ago I ordered them all together and had them shipped out as needed (they paid me back, but there was an extra discount for ordering them together at the time).

I'll say that J Crew was great to work with; one of my sisters had to exchange for the next size up and they were not only accomodating, but ate the cost of rerouting a UPS shipment when it accidentally started to come to me in MA instead of to her in FL.

Definitely a benefit to have everyone's buy-in--conveniently everyone's #1 choice was the same style, pretty universally flattering!

Musicheals71

I live in Southern NJ, and I'm having a Matron-of-Honor and four bridesmaids.  The MOH and 2 of the bridesmaids live in Southern NJ, but another bridesmaid lives in IL and one lives in Norway!  
 
I made it as easy as possible for each of them:  I purchased 5 dress swatches from David's Bridal ($1 each), mailed it to each of them along with a David's Bridal catalogue, and said pick whatever dress you want as long as it's floor length and the color of the swatch (Horizon, a bright medium blue).  However, in order to give them even more freedom, I said if they can't find what they want from David's, then they can take the swatch and go wherever they want and buy whatever dress they want as long as it was floor length and the color of the swatch.

I'm a 38-year-old first-time bride, and it really doesn't matter to me if the bridesmaids wear the exact same style dress, and they don't have to all come from the same dye lot.

JodyandSteve

All of mine are out of the area. I picked a few styles from David's Bridal and they went in to their local stores and tried them on. Worked out great!

FutureMrs.070911

I have one out of state BM and she is coming to visit me this summer, still a year from my wedding date and we will all go shopping together.  I picked out a dress and all my girls we very happy with the style and colors!

smashtastically

3 of my 4 bridesmaids are out of state- WA, CA, NC- and they are ALL different sizes/shapes. Originally, I had told them to pick out a black dress- in my head I was envisioning cocktail inspired- and then I would give them each a ribbon sash so that they still looked coordinated. I did this largely because we're all poor, so that they could find something in their price range. Ideally I also wanted them to be spending money on something they really WOULD wear again.

However, turns out, this was a big pain in the neck for all of them because it left them searching high and low for the "perfect' dress. and it was better to just find a few I liked and let them vote on it! I looked for sales and found two dresses I liked, one a purple summer dress with a cool print and one a simple black tea type of dress. I emailed them the two choices and asked them what they thought- all of them liked the black better because it was classier and more versatile. I found a coupon code for them to use and they all got their dresses for about $43 from JcPenny! I looked at stores online that would allow you to exchange sizes for free, so that even though they couldn't get fitted (it was available online only) they wouldn't have to pay if the size they got didn't fit. I'm also fortunate that FI's grandma is pretty skilled with a sewing machine, so if any last minute adjustments need to be made it will be ok.

jsmlo

the whole wedding party is out of the COUNTRY except for me, fiance, and one bm. what i did was had a seamstress do it and just took measurements from all the bm's.

what i could have done also, was choose a designer and a color from their collection. then have the bm's pick the style.

tiffersk_89

Two of my four BM's are out of state.  I'm in FL, with one of my BM's in New Mexico, and one in Louisiana, so it wasn't like I could have them come here and try on dresses for me.  We were originally just going to tell them to pick their own dresses in lavender, but I found the perfect dress that would flatter them all at Davids Bridal.  It worked out because DB is retail, and each of them could get the dress from their local store.  DB even has financing options for those who are a bit strapped for cash.  Another way we were looking, was separated from either DB or Alfred Angelo.  It's usually cheaper than a whole dress and everyone could find an outfit that flattered them.

charmedlife357

I have 2 out of 6 out of state BM's. We havent really decided yet but I think we will either pick a store that is nationwide, like Davids Bridal, so that they can try the dress on and I can order it here in Indy and have it waiting for them. Second option, I will have them order their dresses from a catalog and bring them with them. That way they can get alterations where they are. Both of my out of state BM's will only be here a few days before the wedding so there is not much room for alterations. Also, keep in mind the girls sizes. Both of my BM's from out of state are thin and can wear pretty much anything. I probably wouldnt want to pick out a certain dress for the bigger girls. They are here and I am taking them to try on my selection. I dont want anybody to feel uncomfortable. I know I wouldnt want to be forced into something that was uncomfortable that I have to wear in front of a ton of people for hours.

samurai21

I have seven bridesmaids and 4 are out of state. (well, now I have 8 because I just found out my friend in the Peace Corps is going to be able to come home!!!)

I neve even thought it was an issue with dresses, but I've been pretty laid back with it. I just decided to do David's Bridal dresses because of the low cost and they have them pretty much everywhere and online. I went to their site and saved every link to a dress I thought would work and sent them a mass email saying here are about 13 dresses you can pick from. I do not care if you duplicate dresses. If you do not find one here that you like, email me with one that you do (be it from here or from somewhere else) and then we'll see.

Bridesmaids dresses? check.

soccerkris

Before being the bride, I have been in 10 weddings.  Everyone of them, I was the out of town BM.  Everyone of them was simply done that I ordered from the store of the Bride's choice and the dress was either shipped to me from the store or I got it when I was back for a shower.  I had it tailored where I lived and it saved money verses going though the bridal store on alterations.  I do not live in the state where the wedding is so I am finding the most afforable place to get the dresses and having them shipped to all the girls.  J-crew is too expensive for my girls and David's bridal, I have heard too many bad things about so not going there.

This is your day, it is up to you on what the girls wear.  Most girls will be fine with what you picked (unless you are a mean bride and want them in something ugly).  Let the girls try the final dress on at the store and have your MOH make sure all the girls get measured and the dresses ordered.  Relax and have fun.  Remember, it is your day, 80% of the pictures are all about YOU!

millejj1

I have 6 girls from 5 states and Canada and I'm in GA with none of them!  I looked at some dresses and sent them some ideas, but ultimately decided that I would rather than be comfortable and happy so I told them something knee length in cobalt blue that makes them feel amazing! 

They've all sent me pictures and all the dresses looked great!  I agree with pp's that even if the color isn't exact the difference is so small you can't really tell.

Glad to know I'm not the only one with a spread out bridal party! FI's are all in town except one and he is a marine and wearing his dress uniform...way easier!

MyNameIsNot

2 of my 4 are OOT.  The two local ones and I went shopping.  I told them to pick out any long dress from DB in marine.  They ended up both liking the same dress.  I told the two OOT girls, and they decided to just get the same dress. 

Picking a color and length is really the easiest way to go.  You can make sure they get a style and price point that they are comfortable with, and you don't have to worry about it.

zappatini

My Maid and Matron of Honor are in Chicago where i am getting married, 5 are out of state and 1 is overseas.  It's been kinda rough.  My Maid and Matron of Honors are helping me decide on the dress and due to the logistics we determined it had to be a dress that could be ordered online and the girls may have to go to a personal tailor to get alterations done.  We're still in the process now of choosing the dress, but all of my girls seemed to be fine with doing it this way.  We are trying to keep the price point relatively modest given the situation.  My Ladies in Chicago found a local chain (so they can still see and try on samples in person) that also offers online purchasing.