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MOG needs help choosing dress

I'm the MOG and want to do everything right for my son's big day.  Everything seems to be traditional, sort of.  Right now I'm trying to get a dress and with less than 8 weeks to the wedding, the MOB still doesn't have a dress.  I waited as long as I could for her to contact me with info about her dress, I asked the bride what she wanted and she told me to just get something I'm comfortable in!

Then I contacted her mother... she doesn't have a dress yet.  Nor does she know what length she's wearing, or what color.  She flat out told me:  "What I suggest is find something that looks good on you. That's more important I believe, then following convention."

This is driving me nuts!  I like to follow convention - it's there to prevent any faux pas!  At this point, I can't wait any longer for her to find a dress, and get the impression that she won't tell me what she's wearing anyway.  Same thing happened at the engagement party (which was awful because of lack of planning.)  I just want to dress appropriately - so I need help.

The wedding is at noon - what is the right hem length for an early afternoon wedding in late October?  The bride is wearing white and the maids are wearing purple.

Thanks for any help.

MOG

Re: MOG needs help choosing dress

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    Thank you for your opinion, but this loosey-goosiness is what is causing my frustration.  Sounds exactly like the bride and her mother's reply.  Which in my opinion is very inconsiderate.

    There certainly IS an appropriate, traditional, conventional, or whatever you want to call it, dress code of what to wear for all occassions, in all seasons.  It's out there, I know it is, I just can't find it.  That's why I'm asking here.  Once I get those guidelines, I'll feel much better about choosing a dress.

    Finding a great dress hasn't been my problem, I've found many - in all lengths and colors.  And since I will not know what the MOB is wearing, at least I can go by what is traditional.

    Thanks,
    MOG
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    i totally understand your frustration - however, why not just take their lack of direction and have fun with it?

    if they truly dont care what you wear...and they just want you to be happy and comfortable...that seems VERY nice to me!  its better than them saying, you must wear this color, this hem with these shoes.  (which is totally BRIDEZILLA) the truth is...all these rules/traditions/expectations are no longer being enfored by brides.  its a modern way of thinking...who wants to be restricted anymore??

    for you to feel that their direction (or lack there of) to be "inconsiderate"....i think you need to re-think that.  perhaps you look AWFUL in green and you HATE the idea of wearing flats.  what if the Bride or MOB told you....you had to wear a green dress with flats?  woudn't THAT be inconsidrate?  knowing how you feel about those 2 things??  or would you rather just wear something you hated b/c someone told you what to wear?  i'm confused....

    just relax and pick what you want.  and have FUN!  this is all supposed to be FUN!

    do you like your legs?  no?  then wear a long dress!  Yes?  then wear a short dress!  what color looks good on you?  just go with those things and you will be fine.  NO WORRIES!  =)
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    Going strictly by tradition, the MOG buys her dress after she is told what the MOB is wearing. Thus, you can't really follow tradition in your situation.

    However, for a daytime wedding in the fall, I think a tea length dress with a shrug or bolero would be lovely for the MOG.

    Color-wise, the only thing you should really avoid are white/ivory. Other than that, you can wear whatever color best complements you. Oftentimes, though, I see the MOB/MOG wearing a muted version of the wedding color, or a neutral shade of some sort (black, gold, pewter, etc.)

    Links for ideas:
    http://www.jaysbridal.net/store/product_detailed_images.php?productid=17493

    http://www.jaysbridal.net/store/product_detailed_images.php?productid=17495
    **i'm a little drunk on you and high on summertime** Photobucket
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    Clearly, they don't care.  The point of the "convention" is to avoid stepping on any toes or causing any hurt feelings, and they've already indicated that there's nothing you could wear that would do that.  So why are you stressing about this?  Just pick something.  If you're really concerned, run it past the bride first.  But chances are good she'll approve anything you show her short of a wedding gown.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_mog-needs-choosing-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:3c95f122-534e-4cc1-876a-967a0ab13617Post:5ecb23bc-7eb4-447d-9477-c86469436bfe">Re: MOG needs help choosing dress</a>:
    [QUOTE]Clearly, they don't care.  <strong>The point of the "convention" is to avoid stepping on any toes or causing any hurt feelings, and they've already indicated that there's nothing you could wear that would do that</strong>.  So why are you stressing about this?  Just pick something.  If you're really concerned, run it past the bride first.  But chances are good she'll approve anything you show her short of a wedding gown.
    Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

    Exactly. Beyond the fact that the MOB usually chooses a dress first or defers (as there is no reason for them to match or coordinate anyway), there are no hard and fast rules on color or length, dictated by season, time, of day, formality, or anything else for that matter.

    In fact, there's so much confusion as to what "convention" is that we've had angry posts about how the MOG isn't wearing one of the wedding colors followed by angry posts about how the MOG IS wearing one of the wedding colors. Clearly, there are no rules. In fact, when brides come on here and ask what their mothers or mothers-in-law should wear, I tell them to let them decide for themselves.

    As for your statement that your future daughter-in-law's position is inconsiderate, consider that she probably felt that she was being gracious by allowing you as much freedom as possible. She didn't mean to offend. Like me, she probably realizes that 99.9% of the MOG attire out there stinks, and that finding something you're happy with is difficult at best. Look at the bright side: you're getting a kind, considerate, non-demanding daughter-in-law.
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    Hi---Mother of the bride here....I can empathize with you.  I am learning that there is no longer such a thing as tradition per se-----and while that on ocassion has been a blessing....it is also frustrating and awkward to not have the "tried and true" rules of the road to rely on.

    That said, I have found one website that may be helpful for you:

    http://www.yourwedding101.com/wedding-dress/wear-what.aspx

    Unfortunately, what most websites state is that the hemline of your dress does not necessarily dictate the formality of the wedding.  I do know that the majority of weddings I have attended have featured more of a tea length for both the parents and bridesmaids. 

    I would try to wear something in the metalic  or jewel colors if possible----silver, pewter.....the only major faux pas is to obviously avoid white.  The current trend/tradition is to be budget friendly (wear something that can be worn again), and comfortable.  There will always be that attendee that frowns upon something that someone wears, or does, or says.....but in the long run----all that matters is that a marriage takes place,and  the day is happy.  Anyone that walks away from such a day with an attitude of anything other than, "What a fantastic day and what a beautiful couple".....deserves to wear grumpy pants!  I have yet to have any day/wedding "ruined" by someone's attire, or chosen reception favor, or anything else that truly is trivial. 

    It's no longer "our wedding" from days gone by.....and honestly, in many respects, thats a good thing!
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    I'm sorry to hear your story.

    I am MOB and my daughter, MOG and me we have a very good/fun relationship.  We went out together and bought our dresses.

    We ended ordering bridesmaids dresses at the same store.  Bridesmaids dresses were more modern and less expensive than the traditional MOB/MOG dresses, which I hate.  My dress is ruby color her dress is like Turquoise full length (diferrent style) for a summer wedding next year.  My daughter's dress is white and bridesmaids are plum and lavender.

    I hope this helps.  I wish you luck!

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