Mom in a tough spot

jjtx2010

My daughter and her fiancee of three years had set a wedding date, but the wedding had to be postponed due to unavoidable circumstances.   Unfortunately, their relationship deteriorated after that and they recently broke up.  I had purchased a very expensive wedding gown, veil and tiara, which I assumed after the breakup that she would wear sometime in the future.  However, my daughter has informed me that, although her fiancee never laid eyes on the dress, it was "for him" and she could never wear it when marrying someone else.  She wants to sell the gown on-line.  I think she should keep it in storage for awhile to see if she gets over this romantic notion.  I have been looking on-line and it doesn't appear that we could get half what I paid for the gown, veil and tiara.  I have talked to several friends and they agree with her.  What do you think...am I being an unromantic, penny-pinching Mom?    

Sing2phins

How recent?  I think what she's feeling is completely normal.  There are a lot of things I'm not sure I'd do again - at least not without painful memories - if D and I ever split, so I completely understand that she wouldn't want to wear the dress she chose for her wedding to her ex at her wedding to someone else.

As for what to do with the dress, have you looked into consigning the dress?  Or maybe trying to sell it to a bridal shop?  They would be better able to understand what it's worth, I would think.

In any event, give your daughter some time and space to deal with what she's feeling and going through.  But don't get your hopes up that she'll change her mind.

spinner84

She's right not to wear the dress she chose for her ex, but she's also old enough to buy her own dress...

Cass987

Explain that if she choses to buy another dress, she will have to pay for it herself as you cannot purchase another one for her. Then it is on her - she can buy 6 dresses if she wants, but from her own pocket!

Pirata13

I say allow her to sell the dress online and give you the money she gets from it. (Or you sell it online yourself). Then what the PP said--tell her she's on her own to buy the next one.  I have to say that I probably wouldn't want to wear the dress I picked out for a wedding that never happened.  But I would also not expect my mom to buy me another one, no matter what.

psichick

give her some time, this sounds recent. i don't know if i would feel the same, but i can tell you that i bought my dress for ME not for him.............

lizstill13

I would hold onto it yourself for a while. It's probably really hard for her right now to even think about BEING with somebody else, much less what to do with that wedding dress.

When she is ready to marry again (however long that may be) she may not even like the same style anymore, so you just need to be understanding. Don't push her about it, just try to be good, caring mom for her right now.

wcvsb3b5

I absolutely LOVE my dress but I know if something were to happen between FI and myself and we didn't end up getting married I wouldn't be able to wear it for a wedding to someone else. That being said, I agree with pps that she can definitely pay for her own dress the next time around. It sucks that you will most likely have to take a financial loss but I guess that's life..

stinkerbell6879

I went thru what your daughter is going thru 5yrs. ago, and eventually I sold my dress and this time around I paid for my own dress.  There was no way that I could have worn the other dress without having a "Yuck" feeling.

spinner84

Another thought: how would you feel if he gave her the ring he bought for another woman?