Mom made my veil...and I hate it!

Panda8723

When my mom volunteered to make my veil, I was excited. She's a talented sewer and I fully trust her.

She finished my veil and...I hate it. I had told her before what I had in mind and we discussed ideas. The veil looks nothing like what I pictured and it has a rather obnoxiously large hair comb attached to it. It's nice, but not my style, not what I pictured, and it's too busy for my dress.

I don't want to hurt my mom's feelings by saying that I don't like the veil, b/c she worked hard on it. She's also sewing a bunch of other stuff for the wedding (her own MOB outfit, table runners, and altering all the bridesmaid dresses so they won't have to pay for that) on top of all her other unfinished projects (she's president of a local quilt club) so I don't want her to get overwhelmed. She has enough to worry about.

How can I get the veil I pictured without hurting her feelings?

JCKG04

I have to agree with the first poster...you need to be honest with your Mom and let her know. I am if you two talk about it the veil can be tweaked to match your vision. The worst thing you can do is lie about the veil getting "damaged", b/c if she finds out later her feelings will really be hurt. I mean what are the odds of you miraculously coming up with another veil you love right before the wedding? Dont lie tell her the truth and work through it, but approach it from the stand point that you appreciate all of her hard work etc...but want to adjust the look of the veil. GL!

JenPhil6212

Agreeing with the first poster. Be honest. Seriously there is a reason why they say Honesty is the best policy, and the truth hurts. Your mom wants to do something nice. get your pictures. Maybe suggest how to fix it, maybe buy a new comb for it too.

dibsontop

Tell her that you've been thinking about it and have decided you'd like a little different style veil.  Don't go the "I told you what I wanted" route.  Play it off as though you've changed your mind.  Tell her you saw another bride's veil and was wondering if it were possible to make some changes to yours.

ManyPenguins

Mom's can be so tricky to deal with. Not knowing your Mom or her level of sensitivity...I don't think any of us can tell you what approach to take with her. You know better than anyone how to deal with her. But you definitely need to tell her the truth. Unless she's completely irrational (which I never rule out when dealing with people...but let's hope you're lucky and she's not one of those), even if her feelings are a little hurt, ultimately she's going to want you to be happy on your special day. She'll do what she can to make that happen. And you will have spared her way more hurt than if you waited and sprung on her at the very last minute that you aren't wearing the veil she made for you (no matter what the excuse was). Tensions are high on a wedding day as it is.....do you really want to drop that bomb on her when you're all in that state?

dizzinea

can she alter it? make changes to make it fit what you want? veils are really easy to change. get a comb that you like and see if you can change the comb out. is it too full? have less gathers? not full enough more gathers? too long? changable? no edging? this is a very easy thing to alter it's some sheer fabric on a comb, see if mom will change it for you.

Panda8723

Thanks everyone. I think that my plan of attack will be to tell her that it might be nice to keep the comb in after I take the veil off (assuming this is possible...I'm sure it would be with some creative thinking), and the comb that she picked is too big for just hair and no veil. That way even though I'm not crazy about the veil itself I'll at least have a nice comb.

rms*03

That sounds like a good plan of action.  My mom is also making my veil, but I picked out the beaded comb, which will stay in my hair the whole time.  The veil is being attached to a seperate comb that will all be removed after the ceremony.  Good luck!

pineapple1012

How awful is it?  I would pick the detail you can't stand the most, and (very gently) approach her about altering that (the comb, for example).

Then I would wear it for the ceremony, get maybe two pictures with it on, then take it off for the rest of your pictures/reception.  Many brides don't wear a veil at the reception anyway (i'm not going to) or switch a long veil out with something more fun and easy to deal with (a little birdcage or a fascinator).  Tell her that'll just be easier to dance in/avoiding getting cake on.

This way you make your mom happy and you aren't stuck wearing it all the time.

JMU_Bride09

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_mom-made-veiland-hate?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:15Discussion:44671536-d966-43b6-8a8d-c5a3df05cfd0Post:8e715e38-2213-450b-97e9-f0ec3de46317">Re: Mom made my veil...and I hate it!</a>:
[QUOTE]Tell her that you've been thinking about it and have decided you'd like a little different style veil.  Don't go the "I told you what I wanted" route.  Play it off as though you've changed your mind.  Tell her you saw another bride's veil and was wondering if it were possible to make some changes to yours.
Posted by dibsontop[/QUOTE]

I think that this is a great idea...it puts the change on you and not on her work, and it should still allow you to get the veil you want without hurting your mom's feelings.  Good luck :)

Jeni35

Your mom sounds very creative and amazing! That being said, it is your special day and you want to love how you look in your dress and veil! My mom bought my veil for me. I don't know why I just realized that the veil doesn't cover my face! In our ceremony, the groom veils me. I mentioned this to my mom last night and we are getting a piece of lace added. My mom was not offended (I know she didn't make it...). Just be honest.

rivkahstein1

 agree with first poster. If it were me I would be honest.  People understand that is your wedding. Although your moms feelings may be hurt, she will be happy to see you happy with a veil you love!