I NEED ADVICE HELP!!! plus size mother of groom out of control!!

Jessica Hoitink

She is not helping at all finacially or emotionally.  She informed me she plans to wear white I don't want her to and I would like to have some control over what she does wears.  I didn't really want to pay for her attire but I really don't know how else to do it.  We don't always get along and she tells me she wears an XL which is a lie because I have taken her cloths off the line before and her shirts are size 3X and they fit tight.  I don't want to be rude and I just don't know what to do. 

jeanna85

If you don't want her wearing white it's not out of line to ask her if she wouldn't mind wearing another color (although I doubt anyone would confuse her with the bride). Other than telling her not to wear white, it's really not appropriate to dictate what she is wearing any further than that. Also, what does her size have to do with any of this? Maybe she lied about her size because she's embarassed. Not really sure why you had to talk about her being plus sized, that really comes off as sounding rude.

*tinkertoy*

Agree with PP. Just tell her you'd rather her not wear white.

aerinpegadrak

Just let it go.  She's an adult and can dress herself, and if she looks bad, it will reflect badly on her, not you.  This is not a battle worth fighting.

mbcdefg

You're allowing yourself to be stressed out because you are getting yourself into a stressful situation when you absolutely do not need to be. Why the heck are you getting involved in her attire? Your wedding doesn't give you carte blanche to tell other people what to wear or to check their sizes behind their back.

Stay out of it, let her pick out her own attire, and if she looks like an _ass then that's not your problem. Stop micromanaging her and stop trying to be in control over anyone besides yourself, and you will be a LOT calmer. It will really make YOU look like the "out of control" one if other people find out that you are trying to control what someone else wears.

samurai21

I'm sorry that she's not supportive emotionally, but she's not obligated to help out financially. Her size should have nothing to do with anything. If she buys and wears 3X clothes then obviously she knows what size she is, but might be embarssed to say it. If you don't want her to wear white and don't feel comfrtoable talking to her, have your FI ask his mother that she not wear white and explain why. Maybe it will mean more coming from her son.

Jessica Hoitink

Well the point of talking about her being plus size was so people like yourself could suggest stores that we could shop at guess I didn't make my self clear.  Thanks for your tone!

Jessica Hoitink

that's very true thanks so much!!!

CA2MT4EveR

my friends plus sized mom wore denim capris and a red shirt.  Yeah peole kinda side eyed her, but it wasn't about her, it was about the couple so no one gave a damn.

HEATHERM10

Okay now that you have said why about her size I would suggest dress barn or Cato IDK if you have those in your area or not.  If you wathc the sale racks you can get some cute dresses or pants suits there. JC Penney and Bergners also have nice plus size departments.  MAke it a girls day shopping and try and talk to her about the color choice if it bothers you

Jessica Hoitink

your post was so helpful and heart felt thanks so much I guess the reason I needed your advice is because I was thinking it would be strange for me to suggest a shopping trip with us not always getting along THANKS

HEATHERM10

I think a shopping day is a good idea especially since you dont get along always maybe it will cut the tension and oddly maybe make her feel special about the day too. Be prepared though depending on what area of her body is plus it can be a long day of clothes shopping when youa re plus size and you can also suggest alterations if it doesnt fit off the rack.  I am plus sized so I have plenty of experiance

Jessica Hoitink

 TO JENNA85: I was not being rude I'm also a size 3X and I was hoping you could suggest some stores or helpful advice in how to talk with her that would not be rude or mean.  I guess I just find it strange that people lie about there size because I don't !  I was hoping for a suggestion that would help me create a boning with her seens as she will be my mother in law and with us being larger women and such.

Jessica Hoitink

opps bonding

CA2MT4EveR

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_need-advice-plus-size-mother-of-groom-out-of-control?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:4586e759-455c-40e1-80c3-e31af2a1f898Post:d9ed72ce-5685-48a8-b4be-5e507847ef1a">Re: I NEED ADVICE HELP!!! plus size mother of groom out of control!!</a>:
[QUOTE] TO JENNA85: I was not being rude I'm also a size 3X and I was hoping you could suggest some stores or helpful advice in how to talk with her that would not be rude or mean.  I guess I just find it strange that people lie about there size because I don't !  I was hoping for a suggestion that would help me create a boning with her seens as she will be my mother in law and with us being larger women and such.
Posted by 4038718490674633[/QUOTE]

Please understand that grammar and punctuation greatly help when reading posts.  I understand you have a question and just want an answer, but when you have one giant run-on paragraph, it makes it difficult to read, therefore giving readers the opportunity to run with what you have said.

And if you are a 3x, why don't you know of stores that carry plus sized clothing? Lane Bryant, Talbots, Avenue

Jessica Hoitink

HEATHERM10 thanks your very helpful being larger is so hard your a great help

Jessica Hoitink

 CA2MT4Ever:  Sorry about the grammer I didn't think it mattered in this situation!  That post was not very helpful only mean. I shop at yard sales and I have been working on losing weight so I have all the sizes down to a size 8.  I'm in no need to shop.  I hate shopping . About your chothing stores thanks none of those stores are around our home and I didn't want to make her travel. 

MISSCOURTNEY20

I am sure that when you posted this you thought that you were going to get a lot of support. Not gonna happen. If you wanted help with a place to shop, why didn't you ask that in your OP? If you are plus size, where do you shop when you want something nice to wear? This "back in the day" mentality with who should and shouldn't wear what is killing me. Don't take her shopping or say anything about what she is wearing. Leave her alone and take care of YOU!!

Jessica Hoitink

Thanks MISSCOURTNEY20  I did post a question earlier in the week about were to shop and got no hits so I posted this. I should have just taken everyone elses advice my family and hers and come up with my own decision. 

CA2MT4EveR

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_need-advice-plus-size-mother-of-groom-out-of-control?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:4586e759-455c-40e1-80c3-e31af2a1f898Post:e6f7a6ab-c570-478e-853f-3d8cfa52c01c">Re: I NEED ADVICE HELP!!! plus size mother of groom out of control!!</a>:
[QUOTE] CA2MT4Ever:  Sorry about the grammer I didn't think it mattered in this situation!  That post was not very helpful only mean. I shop at yard sales and I have been working on losing weight so I have all the sizes down to a size 8.  I'm in no need to shop.  I hate shopping . About your chothing stores thanks none of those stores are around our home and I didn't want to make her travel. 
Posted by 4038718490674633[/QUOTE]


What about my post was mean?  I answered your questioned, and I questioned why you would not know of stores yourself. I also pointed out that grammAr is important because if you want serious answers, you should be serious in your questioning.  I am sorry you cannot handle that.

Jessica Hoitink

you have taken this to another level Have a nice wedding and good luck in your life

CA2MT4EveR

And same to you!

jeanna85

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_need-advice-plus-size-mother-of-groom-out-of-control?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:4586e759-455c-40e1-80c3-e31af2a1f898Post:9448db59-2245-43e8-a521-e83aade94c20">Re: I NEED ADVICE HELP!!! plus size mother of groom out of control!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I am sure that when you posted this you thought that you were going to get a lot of support. Not gonna happen. If you wanted help with a place to shop, why didn't you ask that in your OP?
Posted by MISSCOURTNEY20[/QUOTE]

THIS. I don't think anyone was trying to be rude, but you never even asked for help with places to shop. You just had a whole tirade about your FMIL's size. I agree with some of the PP- offer to help her shop. You can go out to lunch and make a day of it. I'm sure it would be special for you both.

Jessica Hoitink

?

bbyckes

Who cares what color she's wearing?  Yeah, I'm with other posters that think adding info about her size was completely unneccessary.  This is the last thing you need to be stressed out about. 

And why are you looking at her clothes to check out what size she wears anyway?  Weird.

rhsdiplomanic25

My mother is plus size and we just went to catherines last week to buy her rehearsal and wedding outfits. They have a great selection and are always offering specials and promotions (which is great bc it can be a bit pricey without!) Anyways, my mother LOVES catherines. She is a very short lady also which makes it even more difficult to find the right fit. She ended up with some very beautiful and elegant jackets that she will be pairing with long skirts. She got 5 or 6 things for about a $100. 

I would say either let it go or maybe since your not very close just give her a gift card to a place such as this and see where that takes you. Don't let this be a stressful point of your wedding. Good luck!

Jessica Hoitink

To rhsdiplomanic25:  the gift card is a good idea I did end up doing that for her b-day because I didn't know what else to do.. Thanks

robinmichael

Let her wear it. She sounds like a real piece of work, and you should enjoy your day, and let everyone laugh at her for looking like a tool.

averillt

Enough already, let it go.