Attire & Accessories Forum

Jealousy and frustration :(

Okay, My mom is visiting my sister and nieces in San Francisco this week.  I am so jealous that they all went to davids today and everyone picked out their dresses!  I can't be there with any one of my girls to pick out their dresses and it is kinda depressing me.  All of my girls are out of town, and I am kinda feeling like I am missing out on an important wedding experience.  And it is sad to me that my mom got to be there and I couldn't. 

I got picture texts from my mom today showing me all the dresses that they chose (everyone is getting whatever dress they like in the same color).  I was suprised to see 2 of the three girls in long floor length dresses.  They had already chosen and paid for them by the time I saw anything.  I let them pick whatever they liked, and my only requirements were knee to tea length, and the right color.  half of my brides maids decided to disregard half of my only two instructions!  They are dresses that won't look good shortened, and I feel like I am loosing control. 
My mom is paying for the wedding, and their dresses, so she is getting more say than I would like, and yes that is an underlying cause of the need for venting right now.  I recognize that...
I just don't get out of my TWO insructions when it comes to a all 4 of them could have forgotten half of them!?  So my summer wedding won't have the look I wanted.  My gown is short, and I didn't want any girl to have a dress longer than me.  If I had it to do again, I would tell them what dresses to wear, even if they were different for each person.  (I wouldn't really but this kinda made me mad).   Thanks for listening.

Re: Jealousy and frustration :(

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    I can see where you're coming from. It's supposed to be YOUR wedding, not your mom's. The bridemaids should have at least talked to you if they wanted to ignore one of your requirements. 

    However, just remember, it's only a dress, nobody's really going to be looking at them. Your guest will be looking at you and your groom. Don't let this bother you, enjoy this whole experience. This dress issue is really a minor thing. Imagine if they didn't get a dress on time or imagine if they got a dress in a completely opposite color! It could be a lot worse. 
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    Thanks...I know I sound petty.  I also know the frustration is mostly coming from the fact that I want to be with my sister and nieces as they pick out the dress for MY wedding...Oh well...I am trying to get over it.  They really did choose pretty dresses, and I have to overlook the fact that they didn't choose the ones I would have chosen for them, because I let them pick.  Oh well.  I will be okay...It was just a shock.
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    Ehhh, I kind of agree with PP, and kind of don't.  Admittedly, I had 3 instructions for my 2 BMs- short, gray, and DIFFERENT from each other. They ended up buying the same damn dress, in black! (at least it's short)

    Also, I'm tired and a little grumpy so this is definitely grumpy-biased. 

    If YOUR dress is short, your BM need to have short dresses as well. PERIOD. I usually think BM dresses don't matter one bit in the scheme of things (hence not really caring about MY BM dresses lol) but in this case, your BMs having a longer dress than you makes them more formal than the bride- flipping weird!

    I suggest calling them right now, telling them to get their butts up to DB and SWITCH that order to a short dress immediately. I'm not kidding. Give me their numbers and I'll call for you!
    Steph and Chris, 6/26/10
    Planned Executed
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    they are still summery dresses...and my 14 year old bm is a total tom boy...didn't want to show her legs.  If that dress were short I would have picked it for her and all the girls...I love it otherwise.  Glad I am not the only one worred about formality that way.  When my gown is tea length, and not only do they know that but my mom pointed the dress out to them at the store, I am still more frustrated than I feel I should be. 
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    Ok now I see why you're upset. I didn't realize that your gown is tea length. The long dress is a little more formal. The unspoken rule is that guests/bridesmaids cannot outdress the bride, and you're afraid they may be outdressing you, simply because your dress is not long and theirs are...correct? 

    You should then go and tell them exactly how you feel and that they should respect your decisions. 

    Sorry for the quick response, I just assumed your dress was long. 
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    felkelsfelkels member
    First Comment
    edited April 2010
    I would not care, infact might want a long dress if my dress was long...
    However I am having a noon wedding and a vintage picnic theme reception after.  So i wanted light and airy and summer. 
    The big problem now is that that they already ordered their dresses from DB and all sales are final.  Even if I say something, there is no budget to go buy a different dress.  Here are the dresses:
    My dress:

    Here is my sister's dress:

    in Lapis

    and here is my nieces in the same color.

    I want a casual wedding, and I think my sis atleast just wants an excuse to dress up.  I don't know.  Kinda sucks!  Oh well...I think I have to live with it now. 
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    If they are already ordered and there is nothing you can do about it then just LET IT GO. What's the point in worrying and being upset about in when there's nothing you can do to change it? Move on.

    And by the way, your dress is gorgeous. Everyone will be looking at you, not the bridesmaids.
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    I agree - your dress outshines the others regardless of length!  Very pretty!  I wouldn't  let it get to you but I think you should probably have a talk with your mother so that it won't happen again with other planning things... Good luck! :)
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    edited April 2010
    ditto hippie- i understand where you are coming from and it is a bit odd that the BMs are in more formal dresses than the bride. have you tried explaining that to them? im sure alterations to get the dresses hemmed won't be too much.

    ETA: though the lace on your dress does balance out the formality a bit.

    also, did they go to the DB in Colma, CA? i bought my dress there (turned out to be too big) and they let me exchange it. they were even going to let me exchange it for a different dress if I wanted. the managers there are pretty understanding. :) HTH
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    I think it is crazy that they ordered the dresses before showing them to you. Just because you let them pick their own dresses, doesn't mean that you don't want to have any say. And obviously, they didnt' follow directions! My sister let me and her BM's pick our dresses for her wedding, but "guided" us to dresses that she also liked.

    If they just ordered the dresses, maybe the store can cancel the order or change to a different dress? It is worth a shot I think.
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    someone I know had BM's that appear to be wearing the same dress that your sister ordered. thought it might help you to see an actual wedding with the dress....
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    Thanks everyone!
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    If you are really upset by it and it is really bugging you have them shorten the dresses.  I don't think they would look bad shortened.  But I do agree, try not to let it bug you to much, you will be the clear star of your day
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    I would call DB just to make sure. They may be more flexible if you're still planning on ordering the dresses through them.

    I agree with PP--I think the dresses could easily be shortened.
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