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Are you in love with the idea of planning a wedding and being someone's wife or....

This is a question I wish I would have honestly asked myself back in 1995 when I was engaged for the first time to my now ex-Husband.  We dated for 4 years and marriage seemed like the next logical step.  Sure, looking back there were signs that we weren't the most compatible couple.  Despite it all, we ended up getting married and spending 12 more years together and produced two of the most amazing children.  I will always love my ex-husband for that.

I hope this post doesn't come off as cynical and negative... but as I plan my much smaller and simpler second wedding to the love of my life, I notice a big difference in myself.  I'm not so concerned about the venue.  Finding the right shoes or dress doesn't take priority.  I'm not spending hours obsessed about cocktail napkins or flowers.  Don't get me wrong, I love a great party and I am having fun planning a very simple vintage-themed garden wedding!

Here's the difference though.  I would marry my man wearing a bathrobe at the local recycling center because I know that he's the one.  He's kind, sensitive, knows how to communicate, is responsible, he makes me laugh, he loves to travel as much as me, he's brilliant, he brings me flowers, he's an incredible father, he supports my dreams, he loves and adores me.  We adore each other.

I want to congratulate everyone on their recent engagements!  If your like me, you started thinking about the wedding long before the proposal came!  But here's where my wisdom and experience come in.  Yes, I know that unsolicited "advice" is annoying, but I feel this is too important not to share.  Take the time to ask yourself why you want to marry this man.  What are his good qualities? What do you have in common?  What do you enjoy doing together?  The characteristics and qualities he displays during your courtship, will be there during the duration of your marriage.  What qualities about him drive you crazy?  Never enter a relationship trying to change the other person.  It isn't fair to you or your significant other.

My hope is that all of you spend as much time building a solid foundation for your relationship.  The wedding is just a big party.  It is over in one single day.  Your marriage is long-term.   Unfortunately, statistics tell us that more than half of us will end up divorced.   The statistics are even higher for second and third marriages.  Many other couples stay married and are miserable.  Will you become one of those statistics?  Step back and build a strong foundation with your partner.  Learn how to communicate.  Learn how to fight fair.  Make sure your values and life goals are in sync.  In the end, it really doesn't matter if your napkins and wedding invitations coordinate or if your D.J spins a good tune.  Stay focused on what is important.

I will step off my soap box now :)

K
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