Attire & Accessories Forum

Can I tell the Bride I don't want to be a Bridesmaid anymore?

I was asked to be a bridesmaid a few weeks ago for a wedding of a girl that I am not very close with, but we get along great... I said yes, but now I am thinking that I didnt know what I was getting into....

1st-- I am a stay at home mom/full time student. I live on a budget as is

2nd-- I have size DD breasts

So my problem is- I am being asked to buy and wear a strapless dress. This is a problem for me because I know that my breasts are not going to stay in a strapless dress (which I told the Bride and she has ignored) and I also know that I am going to have to alter the dress and buy a special strapless bra.
The dress alone is 120 and after the alterations and new bra I'm sure I will  be spending 200 for it. Then shoes...........
ALSO-- She wants us to get professional fake nails, I've had them once and I HATED them, they ruined my natural nails....
Then she wants us to get professional hair and makeup as well.... that will be at the very least another 100 dollars......
So I'm looking at around $400 to be in her wedding....

I don't know what to do. I really don't want to be an annoying bridesmaid, but I also don't want to go broke to stand around uncomfortable all day...


Re: Can I tell the Bride I don't want to be a Bridesmaid anymore?

  • I disagree with Kmartella. The bride can't tell you "You need to have this done" beauty-wise and make you pay for it. She can give you the option, but it's rude to force your BMs into situations like that.

    If this has only been a few weeks, and nothing has been purchased, I don't think it's rude to politely back down. Tell her you re-evaluated your situation and it's just not feasible.

    Chrissy & David -- 10/10/10

    This is my "OMG-Don't-Drop-Me" face

    Planning Bio

  • Um, PP has terrible advice.  The things she is "asking" you to do are way beyond what she actually has the right to request.  If it's going to be too much for you, you are well within your rights to step down.  It's only been a couple of weeks; it's not going to hurt her at all for you to back out down.  But it sounds like she's swept up in my-day-itis.  I think your concerns are entirely valid.  Tell her that you were excited to stand up for her, but you realize now that it's going to be more than you can handle and you'd be more comfortable attending as a guest.
    Planning Our Wedding - Updated 04/11/11
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    "If you can't think of something nice to say, don't say something nice" - Stephen Colbert
  • I also completely disagree with Kmartella.

    I think it's completelky ok to tell her that you're not able to afford it right now and apologize, but tell her that you'll still be there for her on the day. I think if one of my girls said that to me? I would totally understand!
  • I, as a bride, would rather a BM politely back out then complain about anything I've asked of her (not that I'm asking my BMs much...I think asking you to spend 120$ on a dress is highly offensive! I'd never do that to mine!)

    I actually had to fire a BM just the other day for talking about me behind my back and b*tching and moaning about me to my MOH- I don't want people like that in my wedding, and she shouldn't want to be my BM if I'm making her so misserable.

    I say ask her for coffee and tell her that it's just not going to work out. I'm sure she'll understand.
  • I would tell her that you were not expected these extra added expenses and you're not able to stand up with her. If she is demanding nails, hair, makeup and whatever else, she needs to pay for it. If she's suggesting you can politely say no.
  • I think you are both a little unreasonable...

    When you accepted the role, you did assume some basic responsiblities, mainly to buy a dress...120 is actually REALLY reasonable for a dress.  I also feel it is your responsiblity (and one you should have expected from day 1) to have your dress altered.  Also, I have big boobs too, I have owned a strapless bra for a long time now, even though I rarely strapless dresses (in fact I never have).  So if you don't already have one, you need to own one.

    Now, the nails is absurd...she can not require you ruin your real nails for one day.  That's a non-issue.  You should let her know that you plan on having them manicured (and you can do that yourself).  Hair and makeup, I preferred that my bridesmaids did something with thier hair and make up, but did not require them to have it done professionally or done by the person I hired.  Of my 7, 5 of them had their hair done by my person, one went to her own salon, and one did it herself. You should simply tell her that you can afford to have it done professionally but assure her that you will look nice.

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