Groom's Step-Mom & Dress Fittings

pandapants84

My fiance's sister is my maid of honor and she said we should invite their mother when we look for dresses. Fine with that, but they also have a step-mom who has been in my fiance's life since he was 3 (& married his father when he was 5) so she very much considers herself the 3rd parent. I wasn't really forward to having her involved. She prides herself on being a "feminist" and thinks that means being as masculine as possible. No dresses, heels, or make-up for her! She is also difficult to shop with because she has very different taste than me & gets upset when you don't "listen to her input". Also, there's having the mom and the step in the same room, never fun. My future sister-in-law was going to discuss it with her dad and see if she cares either way (that way we dont hurt her feelings by not inviting her, but she would be pressure into coming if we invited her & she didn't care). However, she has not called to congratulate us on our engagement. She was out of town when we told his father but no word from her. This is odd to me because they seemed eager for us to get engaged. Should I potentially upset her and not invite her or be the bigger person and ask her to come?

Tisha.

I'd invite her, but have future SIL run interference, in case things start to get heated in one way or another.

She might not want to come, and I guess that's ok, but be prepared for it to hurt a bit, even if you don't think it will.

When I invited Keith's mom to go with my group, to go dress shopping, she said, "That's not someting I need to do."  and it hurt my feelings, even though I never in a million years thought it would.

abbycobb812

If she's not into dresses and girly stuff, I would think she might understand you not inviting her, especially if her husband's ex-wife will be there. I think it depends how much you think she'll affect the day, if you think she'll actually interfere with the dress shopping, I'd say don't invite her. Dress shopping is supposed to be fun and it really helps to have people with you whose opinions you value and will help you find your dress, not cause more stress.

Maybe you can invite her to something else wedding related where she'd be more help, like visiting reception sites, food tasting, etc.

mbcdefg

Do you mean for your own gown, or the bridesmaids' gowns? Or for the mothers' gowns?

If you mean for your own gown or the BM gowns, realize that you probably won't find it in one trip. Ask your FI's mom and sister if they'll come with you one day, and ask the sister and step-mother to come with you the next trip. Or, if you think FSMIL will keep her mouth shut once the dress is purchased (because she can't influence your decision anymore), then invite her to see it once you've put down the deposit.

Or, like Abbycobb said, ask her what she wants to be involved in. Say something like, "FSMIL, I'd love to have you along for a planning appointment if you'd care to come, or to participate in something. What would you be happiest doing? Caterer visits/tastings, florist appointments, picking out a hall, etc.?" Treat her to lunch afterward and make a day out of it.

If it's for the mothers' gowns, then realize that THEY should be the ones picking it, not you. Go with the moms on separate trips, only if they want you there. And unless their private parts are hanging out, smile and nod and encourage them to pick whatever makes them feel the best. You shouldn't be deciding what they will wear.