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Was I wrong to go shopping without Mom?

This last weekend, Brides Against Breast Cancer (http://bridesagainstbreastcancer.org)  was in town.  I went shopping with a friend as a last minute idea.  I didn't tell my family. My family lives 9 hours away and can't get here all the time. .  I wasn't expecting to find a dress.  I'm not really even engaged yet.  I did get my boyfriend's blessing before I went.  We are talking about, semi-planning, and almost engaged.  He just hasn't officially asked me yet.  So this trip was just to get a good idea of what looked good on me.  Fortunately, or unfortunately, however you see it, I found the perfect dress.  It fits like a glove without any major alterations.  All it needs done is to be hemmed.  So, I bought it. 

Last night, I told one of my sisters. She called me selfish, inconsiderate, self-centered, and immature for buying a dress without Mom and Grandma there.  She reminded me that that was the one dress Grandma had always wanted to buy me, and go shopping for. 

Now I don't know what to do.  How should I tell my family?  I still have to get everything that goes along with the dress.  We can make a day of accessory shopping.  I had also thought about showing them the dress and then going shopping again and trying some more on.  If we found a dress we liked better, then buying that one and re-donating the dress back to Brides Against Breast Cancer.  Does anyone have any ideas?

Re: Was I wrong to go shopping without Mom?

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    This last weekend, Brides Against Breast Cancer (http://bridesagainstbreastcancer.org)  was in town.  I went shopping with a friend as a last minute idea.  I didn't tell my family. My family lives 9 hours away and can't get here all the time. .  I wasn't expecting to find a dress.  I'm not really even engaged yet.  I did get my boyfriend's blessing before I went.  We are talking about, semi-planning, and almost engaged.  He just hasn't officially asked me yet.  So this trip was just to get a good idea of what looked good on me.  Fortunately, or unfortunately, however you see it, I found the perfect dress.  It fits like a glove without any major alterations.  All it needs done is to be hemmed.  So, I bought it. 

    Last night, I told one of my sisters. She called me selfish, inconsiderate, self-centered, and immature for buying a dress without Mom and Grandma there.  She reminded me that that was the one dress Grandma had always wanted to buy me, and go shopping for. 

    Now I don't know what to do.  How should I tell my family?  I still have to get everything that goes along with the dress.  We can make a day of accessory shopping.  I had also thought about showing them the dress and then going shopping again and trying some more on.  If we found a dress we liked better, then buying that one and re-donating the dress back to Brides Against Breast Cancer.  Does anyone have any ideas?
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    in the end, it's not everyone else's experience to have. it's your wedding, and your dress. of course, it's meaningful to people for obvious reasons, they want to be included in your happy moments, but at the same time, things just happen.

    i bought my dress with my mom there without telling my dad, my nana, my best friends...all people who said they wished they could have been there. but i explained to all that it was a very unexpected situation and not planned without them.

    although the dress is the big thing, if they are upset, suggest going to another salon to find "the perfect veil" or accessories, etc. that way, they can feel like they are still part of the whole experience.

    but in the end, i don't think you should feel bad, but i think you should respect their feelings if they are upset, and include them in another special way.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited August 2010
    Yeah, they're probably going to be mad.  Apologize and invite them to do accessory shopping and to go to your fittings, but don't feel the need to totally bend to them.  It was something unexpected and went to a good cause, you weren't trying to exclude them.  Let them pout, they'll get over it (and if they don't, there are bigger problems at work).  I would be sure to stress that BABC is a very good cause, and they don't come to town very often, so it really was your only chance to support them.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    I tecnically found my dress without my family with me.  I live in TX and my family lives in CT and I was just so excited to be engaged and start planning that I just had to go dress shopping.  I went just to get an idea of what I liked and the first dress I ever put on I fell absolutely in love with.  I ended up going shopping with my mom a few weeks later while I was back home and bought the dress but I still think my mom was a little bummed that she wasn't there for the first time I put on a wedding dress.  She will get over it and like PPs said keep them involved with fittings and accessory shopping and what not.
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    No, you were not wrong to go shopping without your family.  My goodness, the thought of anyone shopping again for a dress when the perfect dress has already been found sounds like absolute torture.  Please don't do that to yourself.

    If I were in your situation, I would ... Give mom and grandma a call, share my happiness with them, and throw in an apology for jumping the gun without them.  Then, I'd tell my sister to chill.

    Best of luck.  Cheers!
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    Honestly, I think your sister is in the wrong for trying to make you feel like sh!t.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_attire-accessories_wrong-shopping-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:15Discussion:8ef0e741-d0c5-44db-9cca-fa6e7d418849Post:a09097da-46fd-4b91-803d-9152ddbee447">Re: Was I wrong to go shopping without Mom?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Honestly, I think your sister is in the wrong for trying to make you feel like sh!t.
    Posted by jenellsrevenge[/QUOTE]

    I agree!  She's the immature one.  I understand that your mom and grandma wanted to be there, but it was a spur of the moment thing that ended up working out.  It's not like you got married without telling anyone!  It's just a dress.  I say just be nice when you tell them, explain what happened, and they'll get over it.  Maybe make a big deal out of picking your jewelry or veil.  Have lunch and make a whole day of it.  Sounds like you may need to leave your sister at home though!
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    Sooo not a big deal. 

    I browsed the shops in my hometown alone and didn't find anything I liked. I showed my parents a picture of a dress I found online that I loved and when I was in Chicago for other wedding related activities, I went to the designer's specialty store to try it on. I actually had my future MIL with me as a 2nd opinion (while her son was forced to hang out at a Starbucks). I ended up ordering it and my parents were pretty happy that I found a dress and that it's one less thing I need to pick out. Then again, I'm 26 and have been living independently for years and fully expect to pay for my own wedding attire.
    "I liked it, so I put a ring on it" - future Mr. Box
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